Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Episode Report Card
1028 USERS: C
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Sweet Sorrow, Minus The "Sweet" Part

Now back to their couch and K-FedNow! and Boobney and Boobney starts blathering on, her skin looking like something out of Fangoria Magazine, talking about finding someone and miracles and embracing it in a big way and she's a better person and it's all about love. "Yeah, baby!" she says. They kiss on their balcony, the sun shining through their viral loads. And commercials. I need a Quaalude.

So we're back and shots of Los Angeles and Los Angeles and cars and we see video of BritBrit talking about her perfect guy from earlier in the show and it's a video shoot at some house and union guys are wishing they had a different gig, building a set and putting together a camera on tracks and then we get that over-the-shoulder shot of K-Fed that someone at UPN loves so fucking much and more crew and there's BritBrit getting made up. And now Boobney is laying down some shit I haven't heard since I was in college pretending to listen to some vaguely-drunk eighteen-year-old giving me her newfound spiritual revelations, saying that the more you "Put out your wishes" to the "universe," the more that comes back to you. "Uh huh. Yeah. I totally agree. Can I see your boobs?"

So this is the video shoot for "Someday," which I guess is a song. BritBrit tells us the funniest joke I've ever heard. She says that she "wrote" this song sitting at her "piano." Heeeeeeeeeee. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. Can you imagine? That's hysterical! Fucking shit, man, who ever said Britney wasn't funny? Oh. She's not… Apparently she's not joking. She thinks she wrote this song. On her piano. I'm not sure I understand. Anyway, she says her record company gave her the song by some Swedish writer for hire -- I mean, she wrote it after she got married but before she knew she was pregnant and it's about being pregnant! Oh mah Gawd! Shots of the shoot. K-Fed camera-talks that when he first heard the song, he was emotional and he didn't know it was about a baby (because the lyrics are just that dense and impenetrable) but then when he found out she was pregnant, "…tears." Hee. More shots of the shoot. K-Fed is glad she got to shoot it because it looks great and she wanted to. BritBrit praises the director and she says it's a departure for her and being pregnant is "empowering." More singing. The vocals are super-electronic. Some serious fucking Pro Tools "magic" there. BritBrit continues the hysterical prank that she wrote it, once again dropping the "piano" line and saying she didn't know what the song was about when she wrote it (again: so dense, so impenetrable… Hey, you know what's not impenetrable? Britney. Llllladies!) K-Fed says this is her way of letting the baby know she'll always be there (because he certainly won't) and he hopes the baby hears it and digs it. BritBrit thinks the song is inspiring and celebrates "womanhood." That's exactly what I was going to say! So weird. More shots of the shoot. Having babies the best gift we've been given, she says. Bikes are pretty good, too.

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

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