The storytelling style gets more and more dense as photos of the night intermingle with Fee and Boobney and K-FedNow! voice-overing and camera-talking and it really is a whole production, this stupid story of this stupid wedding. BritBrit arrives and there are tons of flowers all around this now-emptied-out living room and BritBrit covers her mouth in surprise and then Boobney describes the flowers to us. Fee says the minute you walked in the house you were "literally knocked down," the fragrance was so overwhelming. First of all, I'm pretty sure she means the exact opposite of "literally"; she means "figuratively." Otherwise, they totally had too many flowers. And second of all, are they sure they weren't knocked down by Fee herself? It can be sort of frightening if you're not prepared for it.
They go on to describe this big tent they put up in the back yard all candle-y and white drapery and looking just like the set of a Backstreet Boys video. Boobney calls the very big house "small," which displays the reality of her sense of scale in real estate.
September 18, 2004. Night. The press found out anyway, and as guests arrive, the whole front of the house is staked out by screaming photographers. People start arriving and they're given invites and they open them and everyone starts realizing the wedding is that night. "Is this a joke?" someone asks. I don't blame her, seeing as the guy who is supposedly about to be getting married to one of the richest women in the world is walking around in a wife beater, manpris, and carrying a champagne glass of Colt 45. "Yo, where's Ashton at?" yells some tool, twice. Yeah, Jethro, we got the joke -- Ashton fucks older women. Oh, wait, that's not it? Oh right, he was making a Punk'd joke. Got it. Boobney and K-FedNow! laugh about how they fooled everyone. Ah, isn't love just VOMIT!
MamaSpears stands in the foyer taking a looong time to read the invite, probably because reading ain't that fundamental to the Spears clan. Fee hilariously spins MamaSpears's reaction as being one containing tears of "joy." MamaSpears looks up, horrified, and says, "You're joking!" Boobney says, "I think my mom was dumbfounded." Girl, I think you need a thesaurus. MamaSpears is shocked that her dress is already waiting for her upstairs. Then she goes out into the tent to kick the shit out of K-Fed, but she sees the camera, so instead she hugs him. K-Fed hugs her, cigarette and booze in both hands. Klass-y! Boobney speaks between the lines as she says that MamaSpears was nervous at first, but then "once everything fell into place" she was okay. In other words, once she called her lawyer hysterical from her car and the lawyer assured her that this would just be a fake ceremony and they'd hold off on sending in the certificate until the hefty prenup was all in order, she calmed down. (A true story, apparently.) K-Fed and MamaSpears sit talking alone, working out how long before they make K-Fed's MILF fantasies a reality.