Video of BritBrit getting into her dress while some crap song plays. She looks nice. So do her extensions. K-Fed's vagina beard is intact. That's good for him. Whore of Honor talks. Shot of the boys. Ah!Fee talks about people hanging out and the shock turning into excitement and getting ready was fun and BritBrit talks about seeing her sister grown up and she's crying in one photo and someone puts K-Fed into his tux and K-Fed says he was nervous and then suddenly the whole wedding party is in place in front of the fireplace with pretty flowers and their tuxes and dresses and the crap song continues to play crappily and DrunkDad
nearly falls down the comes downstairs in his tux and we never get to meet K-Fed's family (that couldn't be on purpose, could it?) but we see what I think is his dad rocking the most supreme and complete and overwhelming mullet I've seen since I saw some fan rocking a triple waterfall mullet at a free Huey Lewis and the News concert a few years back. Dad-Fed has a huge smile on his face, "We're In The Money" playing in his head.
K-FedNow! talks about getting ready and being nervous and then his boys talk about how Kevin is still Kevin and then a shot of all the groomsmen we haven't seen and K-Fed is so high and we meet the boys, including K-Fed's brothers, the younger of whom you can tell is guaranteed to be busing trays at a minimum security prison before the decade is out. Eddie the linguist tries to describe the moments before going out, hanging back there with K-Fed, and there are words which do come out of his mouth, and I think one of them might have been "there" and another might have been "step" but beyond that, homeboy is on his own in actually relating the message. I think cupping Pink's balls during the encore of "Get The Party Started" is more Eddie's speed.
Holy fuck! Oh, it's just Fee. Fee says that BritBrit got nervous when she got to the stop of the stairs and there was her "little daddy" all dressed up waiting for her. Yeah, of course she was nervous. She knew she had to witness her father trying to tackle the stairs again. K-Fed makes a Julia Roberts joke. Then the 311's crap version of that Cure song starts and BritBrit descends the stairs and K-Fed says he "lost it" seeing her. DrunkDad leads her in and everyone is waiting and the veil almost catches on fire and DrunkDad lifts the veil and then goes in for a slo-mo kiss and maybe she was about to say something to him, but I don't know, this happens: she opens her mouth for the kiss with DrunkDad. Maybe they do things a little differently in Louisiana. I don't know. I rewound it many many times on TiVo. Yeah, that's an open-mouthed kiss. That's just I don't know. Is it too late to call Child Protective Services? I mean, I know they'll be called a lot in the coming years because of Britney, but maybe we could do one last one call for Britney? Lemme know. So, after BritBrit tongue-kisses her father, she stands in front of K-Fed and she's looking at him with love in her eyes and DrunkDad is leaning on MamaSpears and the song continues and the editors use one more retarded little Final Cut Pro plug-in on a shot of BritBrit and K-Fed holding hands. BritBrit keeps staring and smiling and boy, she's in love with that slithery, reptilian, dirty future parolee. Lots of slo-mo shots of their vows and then she goes in for a kiss and the one saving grace here is that it's not close-up or night-visioned. Sadly, her breath does still smell as bad as usual -- like Red Bull, caviar on Spicy Fritos, Newport Xtra Menthol, and Dad.