Britney and Kevin: Chaotic
Veil Of Secrecy

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Sweet Sorrow, Minus The "Sweet" Part

And now, I'm so excited! The World Premiere of the video for "Someday"! Yipee!

It's black and white. Plinky guitar. Water. An eye. A pool with leaves. A bed. BritBrit is in bed. Curtains. Wind inside fucking up her hair. "God." Focus problems. BritBrit slides her hand down her belly and into her vagina. Yikes. Her horribly swollen and misshapen feet. Nice cankles. Wow, they put her in a horrible white slippy dress thing. It looks like it's from Woolworths. And not one of the good Woolworthses, either. She sings. Big belly. "Why don't you stop? Stop and listen to your tears. They're all you've got." Really? That's sad. I guess because there is no father. She washes the vagina off her hands at a sink. Wow, what does "God" think about your Kabbalah bracelet? Sings and twirls and stares at walls. "You'll see it all in your baby. You'll see it all in your baby." This song is really creepy. She starts to undress. A statue. She smiles. Wind inside. Shut the window, then. Stairs. BritBrit humps a window. Her big belly. More leaves fall. "God's own plan." Wow. This is very Christian-y. Even Amy Grant is like, "Relax with the God stuff, Britney." Baby talk. Baby talk. God talk. She shuts her eyes. And then the sky. Huh?

Pamie says, "This makes 'With Arms Wide Open' look like 'Imagine.'" Well said.

Well, with its lyrics of "You'll see it all in your baby," and glorifying the belly and the rubbing and the pretty, my prediction is that this song will be the song most quoted in the yearbook by pregnant graduating high school seniors next year! Mark my words.

So now K-FedNow!'s beady, snaky eyes are talking; he says that what you're about to see is "a documented love note." Little clips and images that stay in his mind. It's a "moment-tow." BritBrit has no idea he's doing "this" and it's the first time she's going to see "this" and it's a little something he can give back to her and I'm still not sure what "this" is. I'll try to get it straight. He's going to show a cut of stuff from the show that he helped edit together? Are we supposed to buy that shit? Is it just like how Britney sat at a "piano" and wrote a "song"? K-Fed says, "I hope y'all like it. I hope you like it too, baby. I love you." I find this sort of sad. He thinks he's made something. Like when a child buys a Hallmark card and is very proud of the poem inside.

So a BritBrit song is playing and there's a couple shots we've seen from the balcony in the first episode and then we cut back to K-Fed. Already? What are we supposed to be looking at? K-Fed says, "I wanted to put this together just to kinda show you, baby, how much…" And then he stops and starts tearing up. Aw! He's so sad that he can't sing or draw or do anything, and that it would come down to something very confusing like a slighty re-edited version of their own show as all he could "do" for her. He's sad he has no skills. He continues, whispering now, "…How much I care. I love you more than life. And I'd do anything for you." But what is it?! This is like the Mystery Spot or one of those weird roadside attractions that don't make any sense. I'm not sure what I'm looking at. Now a crap-ass R&B song is playing and more shots we've seen. Photos of them on a beach. BritBrit smiling. Night vision. Gross kissing. Beach. BritBrit wearing silly clothes and jumping around. More BritBrit jumping around and dancing sexy. K-Fed says she's his "angel" and is everything he's ever wanted. "Her soul is caring." Boy, you talk good. BritBrit runs around and brings him a weed bouquet and wears a hat and smiles and eats and says she has a lot of questions "for life" and laughs and gets make-up put on and smokes and hangs with her band at practice and smiles and K-Fed says she's a giving person and "puts a happy light on everything" and slides on the table and she knows how to make people happy and she dances and K-Fed says he shares Britney with all of us. No thanks, man. You can have her. Now the music slows down and BritBrit is talking -- I'm so lost! Where does his "video moment-tow" stop and the show start? It's like an Escher painting.

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Britney and Kevin: Chaotic




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