Britney and Kevin: Chaotic
Veil Of Secrecy

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Sweet Sorrow, Minus The "Sweet" Part

Stock footage of Hollywood. Stock footage of Hollywood. K-FedNow! recaps the party fake-out. Then BritBrit's DrunkDad shows up in the smoking tent and exchanges some small talk, trying hard not to fall down. They slowly realize that he hasn't read the invitation. He doesn't know the wedding is tonight! Now, when you think about it, that has to mean that both: 1) people have to dislike him so much not to talk to him about it upon his arriving at the house, and 2) he has to be so drunk that any snippet he heard on his way through the house to the smoking tent completely splashed into the gin on his brain and never made its way to the vodka-soaked-synapses. So DrunkDad goes back and reads the invite and unhappily slurs, "Huh. That makes a little diff-rrrence." He goes back to the tent and says, "Don't do that shit no more," and walks off. Awk-ward. K-FedNow! camera-talks that he didn't know if DrunkDad was kidding or mad or what. Don't worry, K-Fed. It's just between him and God and Johnnie Walker. K-FedNow! looks over to see that Boobney is crying and she tries to play it off, but it's sad because she's clearly embarrassed by DrunkDad and also, somewhere in the back of her brain is the thought -- which never makes it to consciousness, but it's still there -- that says, "Goddamn, we could not be more ghetto right now, discussing our wedding in front of TV cameras while chomping loudly on gum like cows. Or DMV employees."

Photos. Photos. Getting ready. BritBrit. Her girls. Ah!Fee describes people giggling and laughing and happy. Fee and BritBrit and the Whore of Honor talk -- while we see photos of MamaSpears and the bridesmaids and BritBrit -- about how they had the fitting for everyone early, so when they arrived tonight they had everyone's dresses and shoes and make-up and everything adjusted and all ready to go upstairs for them.

Video of BritBrit getting into her dress while some crap song plays. She looks nice. So do her extensions. K-Fed's vagina beard is intact. That's good for him. Whore of Honor talks. Shot of the boys. Ah!Fee talks about people hanging out and the shock turning into excitement and getting ready was fun and BritBrit talks about seeing her sister grown up and she's crying in one photo and someone puts K-Fed into his tux and K-Fed says he was nervous and then suddenly the whole wedding party is in place in front of the fireplace with pretty flowers and their tuxes and dresses and the crap song continues to play crappily and DrunkDad nearly falls down the comes downstairs in his tux and we never get to meet K-Fed's family (that couldn't be on purpose, could it?) but we see what I think is his dad rocking the most supreme and complete and overwhelming mullet I've seen since I saw some fan rocking a triple waterfall mullet at a free Huey Lewis and the News concert a few years back. Dad-Fed has a huge smile on his face, "We're In The Money" playing in his head.

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Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

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