Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Episode Report Card
Stee: C | 547 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Alive…Unfortunately

Hallway. Now BritBrit is filming and K-Fed slaps Mo's waddle and Mo sits on K-Fed. Eh.

More "performing." Some bad song. Very gay male dancers. I love people that think for a second BritBrit is actually singing. I feel bad for them. It must be hard to be completely deaf and dumb.

Copenhagen. Hotel room. BritBrit asks K-Fed what he's drinking. He holds up a snifter and announces it's "Gasoline." She asks him what's in it and he says, "Cognac and Grand Marnier." Gasoline has tequila in it, so I think he was perhaps trying to be funny. BritBrit's back-up dancer says that K-Fed is trying to be "grown up." They laugh. "Man, I hate you all!" whines K-Fed, his hat tipped to the side and pointed up in such an absurd fashion, someone needs to just take it away from him. He needs to lose all hat privileges. Forever. And also: drink a beer. Have some scotch. Don't be such a Vanilla Ice. "He thinks he's cool but he's not," says BritBrit, nailing it. Fee calls the room. She's not going out. Good. Wouldn't want to scare Denmark.

So they go out, which we can tell by the two-second techno montage of an anonymous club inter-cut with random candid shots of BritBrit and K-Fed. Now more night vision as the skankly duo are being driven around after the club, drunk and high as a kite. Mo now punks out and tells us that when K-Fed was around you could see how BritBrit was more "chipper." Yeah, she was on drugs, stupid! BritBrit and K-Fed giggle until BritBrit finally bursts out laughing. "Somebody farted!" Jesus. In a hysterical juxtaposition, Mo talks about how the two of them just "clicked," while showing them, drooling high, putting gum on BritBrit's nose. Mo continues to talk about how he grew to like K-Fed. It's good we can't see his balls actually being cut off, because that would be gross.

Night. Fresno. "Sad" music. Ah, the K-Fed's Sad Past segment. Wait, I gotta take off my shoes and put my car up on blocks for this. K-Fed tells us he grew up in Fresno. K-Fed stands in a neon polo and a white doo-rag as he narrates this. And yes, it's exactly as tacky and hard to look at as it sounds. His parents divorced. He was sad. He moved with his mom to Nevada. School photos of K-Fed. Was a bad kid. Moved in with dad. We watch as K-Fed golfs. Huh? He moved to Los Angeles, living with six people. His first job was dancing with LFO and they actually toured with Britney but didn't think anything of her because she was so young. And you were a fucking plebe, maybe that's why you guys didn't interact too much. Then we get vintage shots of K-Fed dancing in some video wearing long hair and then cornrows and it's just so awesomely wrong. He's everything I'm not, and I'm very thankful for that.

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

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