Amsterdam. Ah, yeah! I'm saying that for the weed, not for the performance we get to witness of BritBrit faux-humping one of her gayest dancers with checkerboard hair on a giant bed. Shot of Amsterdam. "Lesbian show" sign. Other whore windows. BritBrit camera-talks that they're in Amsterdam and then she points the camera and she and K-Fed make out all "sensually," with liquidy sounds and little noises from her and then he makes a noise and it's really one of the most disturbing things I've seen since Large Marge freaked me out when I was ten and I dropped my popcorn. This time I also drop my popcorn, but I drop it from out of my mouth because VOMIT!
Shot of the moon. Hotel room. BritBrit "sings" "Vogue" as she packs her clothes. K-FedNow camera-talks about how at the time when they were shooting they were hiding behind the camera to get to know each other. That makes no sense. K-Fed asks, "How do you feel?" She says she feels great and when he asks why, she says because the sex is great. Now K-Fed's three brain cells start clanging together making banjo music and he suddenly wonders if maybe girls just like him because, since he's been practicing on his sister since he was seven, he happens to be pretty good in bed. So he asks her, "What else is great?" And she walks away, trying to avoid him. Boobney then tells something very revealing, that she's not comfortable being intimate one-on-one so she needed the camera there to help her. She puts on make-up and all she can come up with to say is that the "kisses" are really good and then she adds again that the sex is really good. K-Fed, you're a human dildo. And that's okay! There are worse things to be. Like, you could be a pussy-faced no-talent with a future filled with one giant, endless nightmare of child support payments and regret. Wait, maybe I'm being harsh, y'all. Maybe BritBrit and K-Fed are the next Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.
Paul Newman just rolled over in his grave.
He asks if it's all that there is, just sex, and she says she doesn't know and he says that for him it isn't. Aw. He's starting to fall for her. BritBrit remains remote, to her credit, as he turns into a sixteen-year-old male chorus member drunk at a cast party for the first time, awkwardly confessing his awkward love for the girl who played Julie Jordan and who doesn't actually really know this boy who played Whaler Number Three's name. (Not that that happened to me, of course. I just heard about a situation like that.) They trade "I don't know what you're thinking"s and then K-Fed asks if that's what scares her. Wha? K-FedNow camera-talks that he was hiding behind the camera asking questions and getting a feeling for who BritBrit was. BritBrit turns to the K-Fed cam and says, punctuating her thoughts with a mascara brush, "Love, for me, is a lot of things. Love is respect. Love is commitment. Love is honesty. Love is trust. Love is not just love. Love is all those things combined, and when you're ready to really combine all those things, that's when you deal with love." Poetical! K-FedNow babbles about BritBrit would get close to admitting her feelings but then back off. We now see that K-FedNow is sprawled out all over the couch in his manpris and giant stupid shoes. Make yourself comfortable, Cletus. Damn. K-Fed asks BritBrit again if "that's" what scares her. She says that nothing scares her. K-Fed keeps needling her and she's getting as annoyed as we are. She finally says that her love doesn't scare her. It's other people's love that scares her. I often wonder what other people talk about in their lives, when they're alone. I never really knew it was this fucking stupid, though. "Who said anything about love?" K-Fed asks. BritBrit ignores him. So does the world. And that's it! Yee-haw!