So… where were we? These gaps in programming have me struggling to keep up with these crazy Walkers. But: GOOD NEWS! Scotty finally pinned Kevin down and gave him a haircut. And it's cute! Bad news: It's Valentine's Day and the first ten minutes of the episode are dedicated to shoving a pink lacey heart down your throat even though Valentine's Day was last week and we're all, like totally barfing candy hearts and giving Death Bear our Valentines. So, yeah, good timing, network execs. So a bunch of the Walkers are at an art show and Sarah is all oozy in love with a painting, but her boyfriend, Roy (Remember him? Yeah, me neither), totally doesn't get it. But the gallery owner wants to introduce Sarah to the artist who is, of course, Luc. But when Luc sees her all moving on with Roy, he refuses to come out.
Hey, remember how Holly was going to sell her shares to Dennis York and then he got all skeevy and hands-on-knee-y? She's selling him her damn shares anyway. She just has to break the news to Rebecca and the Walkers. David reminds her to tell the Walkers to suck it.
Rebecca is learning how to be a woman from Nora and then goes into premature labor or has Def Con-1 gas. Either way she's horrified. But I won't mock, because Rebecca lost the baby and that's just sad. Unless it's on Private Practice and then it's merely quotidian and yawn inducing. In the hospital, Nora and Holly bond over the loss and become a real family. At the mention of the “F-word” Holly starts to feel mighty guilty over shafting the Walkers and forcing the vengeful Dennis York into their lives. She makes like a banana and splits.
Meanwhile, as Kitty prepares to announce her candidacy for the Senate, she has hired her one friend (Cheryl Hines!) to be her campaign manager. Buffy is ruthless and cutthroat and a good researcher and vetter. She's so good at vetting stuff that when she's vetting venues, she finds out that Holly sold all her shares in Ojai Foods. Oopsie! The Walkers spring into action determined to stop the takeover of their beloved company by whatever faceless conglomerate Holly sold her shares to. Nora tracks down Holly (in the Ojai office, natch) and starts a-hollerin'. Holly doesn't stop her, but she did stop the sale of stock. 'Cause, you know, they're family. Holly tells Nora that the buyer was Dennis York and Nora thinks that changes everything.
Ewwww. Kitty's Playground Pal from last year finds some cojones and a lot of hairspray and shows up at The Senator's office. But he's not playing nice, he's getting vetted for smooching on the porch swing. Is nothing sacred in these campaigns anymore? Not even the porch swing? Anyway, The Senator thinks something is up and he and the Playground Pal team up to get to the bottom of this scurrilous rumor. Luckily the source of the rumor was merely Buffy doing her due diligence. What is the point of this storyline? I don't know. Maybe it's just a hairspray ad.
Anyway, Roy unwittingly buys Sarah Luc's painting. And then he dumps her. On Valentine's Day. Class act, Man Boobs. Luckily Luc is still in town and sells her his painting SWAK.
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All is well in Santa Barbara and despite the fact that it's been off the air for nigh on fifteen years, the soap operatics continue. Now instead of revolving around the lives of the wealthy Capwell family, we have The McCallisters. As the once career politician prepares to step down from his Senate seat to do real work in the world, he also prepares to pass on his title and position to his wife. Proving not only that nepotism is not dead, but that this show is indeed grasping at straws. DO NOT PRETEND THIS SHOW IS NOT A SOAP OPERA. It may be on at 10 pm, but it is a soap opera. And getting more so. So The Senator has tucked little Evan in for the night because he is now a kind, caring, and considerate father and House Husband to be and has RESPONSIBILITIES. He now KNOWS that Evan needs his Winnie the Pooh doll to sleep through the night and, you know, that Evan exists. Proving he has the chops to be a sexy House Husband, he washed the dishes, tucked the baby in and then hits on his wife. Kitty, however, is too focused on her rough day at the office and upcoming press conference where she is expected to announce that she is running for her husband's Senate seat to notice. So when The Senator notes her lovely, pillowy lips, she only notes that recent polling found that America thinks her mouth is her greatest asset. Which is, like, REALLY DIRTY MINDED OF AMERICA. I mean...shudder. The Senator senses the hidden meaning in that and starts kissing Kitty's neck, which is pretty much what I thought "necking" was until...college? Although I kind of thought it involved actually rubbing necks together. Obviously with Kitty's newly political life, her cell phone will not give her a moment alone with her husband. It's Buffy who is just calling to follow up on her application for campaign manager. Did Kitty check her references yet? Does she want an additional writing sample? How about a brief face-to-face to just run through her resume highlights? Kitty lets the call go to voicemail. Then The Senator's phone rings. It is also Buffy. He answers, though, and sets up a brunch interview for the next day, just to put her out of her misery already. Kitty is in no mood for a mercy killing though and instead wants to give her a proper interview. The Senator reminds her that Sunday is Valentine's Day and their SEXIVERSARY, which Kitty swears is not a real thing. Oh shut it, Kitty. If Rob Freaking Lowe wants to celebrate a fake sex-oriented relationship milestone with you, YOU JUST SAY YES. Or, at least, I would. Also, really ABC? You air the Valentine's Day episode now? It's past the expiration date! That does not bode well for the palatability of this episode. Not at all.
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