On her *hack* *cough* live radio talk show, Nora is extolling the virtues of Kevin and Scotty's perfect marriage ,completely unaware that after last week's revelation that Scotty is a dick with a dick, the relationship is on the rocks. Scotty and Kevin are struggling, but, of course, they are having the entire Walker family over for a charity dinner party. 'Cause that's how they roll. When Sarah and Nora come over to talk canapés, it takes Kevin all of two minutes to blurt that Scotty cheated and storm out. Classic Walker.
Obviously, Saul is not talking to Scotty, so Scotty tells him all the details of his dirty, dirty rendezvous. It was two months after the accident, The Senator was in a coma, the sassy surrogate had just miscarried, it was opening night of the restaurant and Kevin had a meeting with a partner of a London firm and couldn't make the opening dinner. The cheating? It's TOTALLY Kevin's fault.
Sarah and Luc are happily engaged... well, they would be if Sarah would actually wear her engagement ring. Unfortunately she's seen one two many episodes of Sex and the City: The Aidan Years and Just. Won't. Do. It. Who is willing to do it? Kitty. She is happily schtupping the plumber, but he doesn't want to be a plumber any more, he wants to be an investment banker again. Um… score? No. Especially because he wants to move to Vietnam for a year and open an office there. And, of course, he refuses to go without Kitty, because they have become SOOooo in love during the past week now that he has consummated the relationship with Kitty's seemingly magical vagina.
Scotty's infidelity is making Sarah unsure about marriage, but Luc tells her to shut the hell up and marry him, because, yeah. Shut up, Sarah. Then at Nora's charity dinner at the restaurant, Saul accidentally hires Scotty's ex boy-toy who immediately and inexplicably tells Justin who he is and what he did. Justin then tells Scotty that his boyfriend is here. Five minutes later, Kevin finds out that the lothario busboy is at the event and runs to punch out the wrong guy. Luckily, Justin has his back and lands a punch on the right guy. Of course, everyone watches the fists of fury, and Nora's illustrious career takes a tarnish. Kevin goes into the other room to cry, and Scotty issues a mea culpa, but he is merely mortal.
The fistfight has some repercussions: Kitty breaks up with Jack because he's full of hooey, and Sarah decides that she does want to marry Luc. Saul apologizes to Scotty for being mad at him. Nora tells Kevin to man up and tell Scotty the truth that the night Scotty hooked up with El Douchey, Kevin was drinking at a bar alone instead of being a supportive husband. So it WAS his fault.
Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker is STILL gonna punch a writer in the nards. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
Welcome back to Walkerlandia. As you may recall, last week Nora Walker, radio neophyte and awkward talker, beat out an accomplished public speaker and actual therapist for a job as a host of a live radio-call in show. Lest you think it was all a stupid stupid dream, the show opens with a polished and professional Nora Walker manning the microphone like she's Sarah and it's a UPS guy. Or Kitty and it's a plumber. Today she is talking about commitment and Nora greets her first caller with a big WHAT'S UP and she pops the 'p' sound on the end, which is a huge radio no-no because it will reverb and carry and sound like you are smacking your gum and frenching a llama AT THE SAME TIME. Also, what a weird thing for Nora to say? Anyway, the caller wants to know whether her boyfriend is committed to the relationship and Nora points out that she should really ask her boyfriend that question, not Dial-A-Mom, which is exclusively for fetishists. Nora then launches into a story about Kevin and his seeming commitment phobia and how that all changed when he met Scotty and they are the perfect couple and have one of the best marriages she knows. Except for the whole cheating on Kevin part. But Nora doesn't know that ...yet. Do you think she will come to rue these words? Noooooooo.
Speaking of the happiest couple on earth, Kevin is sleeping on the couch ... that appears to be in the restaurant. Scotty wakes him with an espresso, but Kevin hasn't slept and is in no mood for Scotty or to talk about the party that is happening tonight. While Scotty is willing to skip the festivities, Kevin points out that it is a charity event and people have paid $150 per head (it's one of those classy parties where you don't pay per foot or boob or derriere) just to eat Scotty's hors d'oeuvres (could that word be harder to spell?). Those hors d'oeuvres have to be hand served by Scotty or some very expensive heads are going to roll. Scotty sighs because he knows that Kevin is right. He also knows that Kevin is upset. Kevin (and I) think that is a pretty normal reaction to being so kindly informed that your husband hooked up with some dude once four months ago. He shakes his head at Scotty and goes to shower upstairs. This living around the restaurant thing has GOT to violate some part of the health code.
Speaking of commitment, Sarah is still pulling an Aidan-era Carrie Bradshaw and is not wearing the engagement ring lovingly proffered by her hottie boyfriend swearing a life of fidelity and painting and forswearing the profitable underwear modeling. Sarah is sleeping in bed when she is jumped by her French fiancé, but it's not some freaky deaky rape fantasy thank god, because, ew. Instead he is just surprising her by leaping on her while she sleeps because he came back early from meeting a liar who claims he is interested in Luc's paintings. He notes that she is not wearing her ring and she logically blames the children. When she told the kids that they were getting married, fratboy-in-training Cooper asked how long they were going to be married, because she and Joe were only together long enough to spawn a future bro and his evil tween sister. This simple question shoved Sarah down the gaping maw of a shame spiral and she just can't bear to put the ring of demoralization on her finger. Luc totally gets this, which I guess is why they are a perfect couple because I don't get it at all. I mean just tell the kid you were married to the wrong guy and then fill his pie hole with celebratory pie and go on your merry married way. Luc kisses her tenderly because he knows how rough that must have been for her. He promises to spend his life trying to make it up to her. Will she put on the damn ring now? No she will not.
Kitty has apparently moved into an Architectural Digest-worthy mid-century modern home in the greater Los Angeles area in the week since she fled Ojai. I has confused. So Kevin and Scotty are clearly still reeling from the big revelation, yet Kitty has moved into an entirely new home. How much time has passed? Whatever, show. Jack rolls out of bed because he has moved in with Kitty during the last few days. He is going to do yoga and then going to see some people about a job. Kitty looks surprised that he is considering returning to the suit-and-tie world of investment banking. Jack smiles that he thinks things are different now and with her by his side he can do anything. Or at least get a real job. Kitty looks touched. Then he touches her. But wait: If he's going to yoga and a job interview why did he just put on jeans and a matching chambray shirt. That, by the way, is my least favorite outfit. Just wear a barrel with two straps like decent folk.
Kevin is wrestling the espresso machine into submission when Scotty comes to rescue him. Instead of a double macchiato, Kevin gets in a fight. He doesn't understand why Scotty would tell him this after so many months (you and me both, dude) and Scotty explains that HE felt bad and HE felt guilty and HE wanted to get it off HIS chest. So obviously this is all about Kevin. Kevin reminds Scotty that he didn't owe him the truth, he owed him fidelity. Scotty does not have any sort of comeback to that, which is fine because: Sarah's here! She can tell she walked into a fight, but no one will admit it. When she says that Nora is on her way Scotty looks panicked, but Sarah reminds him that this is Nora's charity event so she better be there. Ooh did the writers remember that the Nora McDonald Cancer House charity exists? Oh, nope. This event is for the Grace Hill Historical Trust. Yeah, that makes sense. Spend an entire season having this woman create a charity and then NEVER MENTION IT AGAIN. Well done, show.
Sarah whines that she got coffee instead of a latte and Scotty bolts. Then Sarah notices that the couch in the office was slept on. Kevin still denies the fight, but the proof is right there. Sarah is sure the fight is Kevin's fault. Nora bustles in the door and crows that she held up Scotty and Kevin as the perfect couple today, but since it was on the radio no one could see it (ba-dum bum!). Sarah scoffs that Kevin slept on the couch so the marriage ain't all that. Then Nora and Sarah gang up on Kevin for whatever it is he did to Scotty and Kevin gets all riled up and blurts that Scotty cheated. He runs out to go to court leaving a very uncomfortable looking Scotty to be gawked at by a disbelieving Sarah and Nora.