In the one-year flashforward, Paige has gone from tween to hormone-ravaged angry teen doll, complete with battery-operated bitchy button and pull-a-string sayings like "My mom is ruining my life!" Strangely she does not once mention Sarah's BANGS.
Luc's underwear modeling career is taking off (sadly, not his underwear) and everyone is dying to go to the launch party. Bitchy Paige even apologizes to a nerd friend to gain access to the event. But then she gets drunk at the party, because that's what bitchy teen dolls do.
Hapless homeless kid Matteo breaks into Scotty's restaurant, and Nora catches him. Then Nora tries to fake-adopt him, and he does the smart thing and makes a run for it. Then he ends up in jail and ruins Kevin's night at the underwear party when he calls him from the clink.
Kitty is totally over her dead husband, and so are all her siblings. They are moving on, people! She's already house-hunting and playing the phone tree game with her family and snooping on her mother. Why is Kitty stalking her mother (with giant baby Evan in the car) and spreading rumors about her? Because Nora has a secret. And for some reason Kitty decides that Nora is a lesbian, because that is the only reason any woman would ever hug another woman. Kevin's gaydar doesn't believe it, but for some reason (simultaneous brain hemorrhages?) everyone else does. So they confront Nora at the party, because the middle of an underwear launch party is the perfect place to discuss intimate family details. Well, it is if you're a Walker, anyway. Luckily, there is a lot of alcohol to drown the awkward when they realize Nora's big secret is that she has a job. That's right, she's not a lesbian, she's a florist. This show is stupid.
Then Nora has a freakout. Mostly because her children are morons. She yells at Kevin for not having a heart. At Justin and Kitty for not having brawn and Sarah for not having the brains to leave her teenage daughter at home. Of course, a radio promoter overhears and gives Nora his card, because he's casting a radio call-in advice show and he thinks she would be perfect.
Justin is going to Holly's, not because he's heard from Rebecca, but to stalk her more better. Unfortunately Holly doesn't even remember Rebecca, and David has a severe overreaction to everything, so no dice. But after Nora hollers at him, Justin goes to hang around their house and let Holly feel his face so she can really see him. Not that she's blind, just that it's not really clear what he is going to do there.
Kevin goes to fetch Matteo from the slammer, and they have a heart-to-heart. Then Kevin finds Matteo's grandmother for him to live with, and my whole Punky Brewster moving in with Henry thing is ruined. RUINED! Stupid show.
Watch Nora's freakout below, discuss it in our forums, then see why we think this show is just like Parenthood.
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Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker would not take advice from Nora Walker. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
I am so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Sarah Walker has not gotten rid of her BANGS yet. Also, dating a younger, sexier, Frenchman who is moonlighting as an underwear model does not inspire Sarah to wear sexy pajamas. No, she is wearing her sweats and a hair clip that is the equivalent of a scrunchie. Sometimes she makes it hard to remember what Luc sees in her. Luc is asking what everyone is wearing to his big celebrity-studded and stud-studded underwear launch party and Sarah blabbers about the big gal pal day she and Paige spent at the mall yesterday and how they found the cutest outfit and Luc is ignoring her and Paige is ignoring her and Sarah doesn't really notice. Then we see that Paige is on her beadazzled phone text messaging her life and chances at an Ivy League education away and then we see that Paige has BANGS too! But on her it's an adorable pageboy cut and on Sarah it is just... sad. Paige is ignoring her mom so hard it's like she owes her money.
The phone and the doorbell ring at the same time and at least Sarah has the decency to not answer the door in her pajamas and, I know, it happens, but at least put on something and let the UPS guy think he is walking into the porno scenario of his dreams. I truly believe that 90% of UPS men start the job with the idea that at least one time in their package delivery career they will be greeted by a sexy housewife and get to re-enact scenes from the Ron Jeremy oeuvre.
Kevin is on the phone and he desperately needs additional tickets to tonight's underwear party to impress some ex-co-worker. His plan to make him feel guilty through a career dedicated to saving the downtrodden has failed and now he must impress him with nearly naked men. Sarah says no, because the party is booked. Kitty calls on the other line and Sarah clicks over. Kitty has forgotten about the party tonight, but is working on a conspiracy theory involving Nora and some late night assignations, most likely with the UPS man. Nora's bed was empty and made at 5 a.m., leading Kitty to believe that she did not sleep in her bed last night at all. Nora is obviously turning into a vampire. Or having an affair. Whatever, it could be the Halloween episode.
Sarah clicks back over to Kevin who is still rambling about wanting more tickets. Sarah says no. Then Luc's phone rings and Paige's phone rings and it is the boy she loves. But Mean Mommy won't put Andrew on the guest list either, assuring that Paige will have to act out sexually for Andrew to continue to like her. Sarah, when Paige comes home with the herpes and a prom night baby you only have yourself to blame. Also, are phone trees genetic? Because Paige puts Andrew on hold as Monique calls (Monique?) and Paige has to complain about Mean Mommy, who is STILL on the phone with Kevin while Luc is being begged for extra tickets by Scotty. Sarah realizes that Kevin has forced Scotty to call Luc, grabs the phone, then ALL the phones, and says goodbye to everyone and hangs up all the phones, clearly ruining Paige's life forever.
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