Brothers and Sisters

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Hitting the Fan
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OH MY FUCKING GOD. Sarah has PURPLE SATIN SEX SHEETS. Is she living out some sort of Purple Rain-era Prince sex fantasy she's been holding onto since her Pasadena adolescence in the 80s? Did she order them online so no one would see her buy them? Or did she find them on sale at Home Goods and squeal in excitement? Do the ladies in her book club know? Does the LA branch of Child Protective Services know? God I hope she hides them from her children because that would take a lot more 'splainin than having "Uncle" Luc stay in the guest room, you know? Also, I'm pretty sure Luc's French passport could be revoked for such an egregious display of bad taste. He'll probably get stopped at the border lest it spread across France like foot-and-mouth disease. Anyway, the happy couple just finished Slip-n-Sliding around on the old satin (what? Isn't that what the kids are calling it these days?), which, frankly, is just making me anxious for Luc's deportation. I mean, this is the second episode IN A ROW that opens to a nearly naked Sarah (or should I say naked enough) and a nearly naked Luc (or should I say not nearly naked enough). C'mon now, the children are asleep, show some booty or give up your time slot to someone who will. Sarah is covered in satin and moaning about how amazing Luc is and Luc claims there are two little words that make love making just so much more passionate. Sarah thinks they are "Don't Stop", which is technically a contraction of three words, but Luc corrects her: "Je t'aime", which is also technically a contraction of three words. Oh shit, these two are PERFECT for each other! Sarah blushes and then turns all Gloomy Gus reminding everyone that Luc only has three weeks left on his visa. Luc reminds her not to calculate, obviously because brainy strong women intimidate him, then he quotes Casablanca and when the heck did these two turn into the resident film buffs? I mean, I know every party has to have at least one person spouting movie-relating banalities all night, but et tu Brothers & Sisters? Sarah begs him to stop quoting from Casablanca because it ends badly like Sophie's Choice or Dancer in the Dark. Then they start rolling around in the satin again.

Over at Kevin and Scotty's loft-like condo, Scotty is getting dressed for work because who doesn't drive in their chef's whites? Kevin is busily flipping through the online edition of What Color is Your Parachute and finding out that he doesn't have a parachute and he is going to die or had better start reading this really quickly. Okay, he's not going to die (I hope, because PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY KEVIN, because I still have hopes he will turn back into the old snide funny Kevin that I used to know), but he is going to have to find a job. But earning a living can wait, of course, because there is always Family First. Sarah calls just in time to interrupt a consolation prize daytime quickie. She wants Kevin to help Luc get his visa renewed. Wasn't he already doing that? He put in a call to an immigration lawyer at his old firm and there is not much else he can do. Then, in classic Walker fashion, Kitty calls on his cell and Scotty, in an act of betrayal that undoubtedly broke about twelve marriage vows, ANSWERED IT. And then he handed it to Kevin despite the fact that he was already on the phone with Sarah. I mean, really, Scotty? Who does that? Kitty's emergency is that she hates her staff and wants Kevin to go to a few campaign events with her. Before I can do it, Kevin points out that HE DOESN'T WORK FOR HER. But Kitty doesn't care, she wants him to come anyway. Kevin does the only logical thing and puts the two phones face-to-face so Kitty and Sarah can talk. Scotty runs out the door before Kevin can murder him. Seeing his escape hatch close, Kevin puts one phone to each ear and asks, nay, BEGS that only one needy, demanding, high maintenance sister at a time talk. Obviously they both start.

Nora is dusting her dining room table while Saul pesters her to try and remember the words to the song about Narrow Lake. She hasn't been able to remember any more of the lyrics but she has developed a strong interest in kicking Saul in the shins. Nora is, like, SO OVER this whole Narrow Lake thing. I mean, it's been a week already. She is totally ready to give up because after this entire week, their only clue is that idiotic ditty (which is totally different from an idiotic Diddy, mind you). Saul lays out the case for continuing just a smidge longer: He wants to continue, Holly wants to continue, it's a mission from God. Nora doesn't think that amounts to much at all especially because if Dennis York was serious about this, he would have offered her a bazillion dollars for HER half of the company after failing to get Holly's shares. Saul thinks he might be making an end run around Nora and HEADING STRAIGHT FOR HER KIDS! Nora shrieks like Dennis York is some sort of rabid wolverine instead of just a greedy gropey old man with a hard on for Ojai. She won't have that man anywhere near her precious virginal children. Saul offers to take one for the team and meet with Dennis York privately. But he is totally wearing a body alarm. Nora says no, because apparently it is her decision to make, so Saul points out that while they are playing Where in the World is Narrow Lake?, Dennis York holds all the cards.

Rebecca scares the tuna salad out of Holly when she sneaks up on her hard at work at the Ojai office. On a Saturday. Nora always said Holly had no class. (Get it? Get it? Of course you do. You are brilliant and you get me. I love you all.) Rebecca can NOT believe that Holly is working on a beautiful sunny day, because those are really in short supply in Southern California and she should make the most of the few warm days. Rebecca also (perhaps more convincingly) argues that David was gone for many moons and Holly should really be at home wrapped in Saran, in high heels, with a bottle of champagne. That's what the soon-to-be married ladies do! Holly protests that she just has a lot of work to do and doesn't have time for, like, secret ballet classes or talking to her fiancé. Rebecca looks around the office and can't believe her mother is wasting her precious and valuable time on work that involves files from 35 years ago. Holly laughs that it is all going back in storage and doesn't Rebecca have some plies to practice or something? Rebecca glares at Holly because no one understands her carnal love of The Ballet and demands that Holly explain why she is frittering away her life in an office and wearing a rather aging yellow cardigan when she could be at home cleaning. Holly still won't cave, so Rebecca decides to make it personal. She reminds her mom that they had a really bad relationship in the past and if she doesn't start talking, she can make sure they have a really bad relationship again. Way to fight dirty, girl! Holly obviously caves and tells Rebecca everything.

Nora has decided to take matters into her own hands. She has set up a meeting with the devil himself who bears an uncanny resemblance to Dennis York. But I guess that's not all that surprising. Dennis York claims he is happy to see her and was glad to get her call. He was just about to call her. She suspected as much.

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Brothers and Sisters

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