Sarah's bangs have been growing out. Sarah bought five radio stations and is lurking in her mom's break room watching her make out. Sarah doesn't loiter at work, though, because Luc is going to paint a mural in China, which is surprisingly not a euphemism. She plans a pre-honeymoon hotel stay, but Luc swallowed a stupid pill and his Three Stooges impersonation results in injury.
Nora makes out with Professional Radio Personality Karl in a supply closet. Since that's awkward, they decide to make a not spur-of-the-moment booty call. Of course it's at the hotel that Luc and Sarah are at. Cue the wacky hijinks music. Sarah runs into Karl in the lobby, but he won't admit he's, you know, with her mom, so then Sarah think he is having an affair. To the phone tree!
Kitty refers to a barista as very cute in a "genius bar" kind of way, which is marginally better than a "Dawson's Creek" way, and then he clocks out for his ten-minute break and they make out in the supply closet. I'm sensing a theme. Then she hooks up with him in a hotel room… in the same hotel as everyone else. But when she finds out he is a grad student at the college she's visiting, she kicks him out.
Meanwhile, Kevin wants to adopt a baby, so he stress-eats everything in sight, including a pot brownie. It was an accident, mom, I swear! Then he freaks out so much he has to go find Sarah, who once calmed him down when he was stoned. To the hotel!
Sarah decides to call Karl and warn him that she's on to him. So he then chickens out on consummating his relationship with Nora. Nora takes offense and then storms out of the room in her bathrobe and crashes Sarah's party, only to be joined by Luc, Scotty and still-stoned Kevin. They kick the boys to Kitty's krib and Sarah whines about her ruined night, but Nora doesn't get the hint at all. Then Karl texts and Wise Luc gives some sage advice and Nora goes to talk to him.
Then everyone sleeps with their chosen one and we all pretend it's not gacky to watch.
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker is back on the Silkwood shower circuit after this episode. So dirty! You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
At the radio station where Nora Walker seemingly works all day every day, she is working on a promo for a product called "4 Eva tabs", which MIGHT be called "Forever Tabs" but I really prefer thinking about it the other way. For some reason while Nora is working on her promo, Professional Radio Personality Carl is sitting next to her reading the newspaper while she works. Like newspapers aren't the loudest most crinkliest form of newsgathering in the universe! Like any self respecting Radio Personality would let a crinkly ass newspaper in their studio with an open mic. Get an electronic reading device and/or out of the damn studio pronto! I am starting to seriously doubt Carl's credentials as a Professional Radio Personality. I mean, really.
Nora smiles prettily at him as he makes a racket with his old timey newspapery thing and then protests to poor old Frank, who is stuck trying to get his Radio Mom to sell a goddamn 4Eva Tab like she means it. But, sadly, Nora does not mean it at all and Frank makes her start over while Carl sniggers and wrinkles his damn paper. Nora has an ethical dilemma though: She does not actually take 4Eva Tabs. She is a Boniva spokesmodel and this is AWKWARD. Carl recommends she just take one pill (a pink one, maybe? Don't worry baby, it won't hurt) and then the ethical dilemma will be no more. Also she will live 4Eva. Damn, now I have the OG FAME! theme stuck in my head. Then Frank throws up his hands with the both of them, tells Nora to read the goddamn hotel spot instead and goes to collapse in his ergonomic office chair, and swallow a handful of aspirin with a Scope chaser.
Despite Frank's retreat, Nora is still whining. She can't do the hotel spot, either! It's too corny and she will sound uncool. Carl doesn't believe that is possible, and, indeed, when Nora reads the promo copy: "we make the beds, we make the magic," Carl gets hot and bothered and handsy. Nora points out that there are windows on all four sides of them to which Carl pithily reminds her that they are consenting adults and her daughter owns the damn station. They could snort 4Eva tabs off of Frank's head and no one's going to blink! So they make out in the middle of the office and Sarah, Queen of All Media, walks by and angrily taps on the glass, because: EW!
Kitty has her glasses on so everyone knows she is smart and IT TOTALLY WORKS! The floppy-haired barista hand delivers her to-go skinny vanilla latte and starts nonchalantly flirting with her like she is not three times his age and looks like the unholy offspring of Skeletor and a stalk of celery (in glasses!). The barista then asks her if it is her birthday because he has been drink stalking her all week and noticed that she ordered whipped cream today which can ONLY mean a birthday and not ever "My doctor told me to get more calories or my hair will all fall out." She then realizes what is going on and takes off her glasses to flirt mo' better and starts talking about the super hot seminar she is teaching on the American presidency and then she recounts some of her favorite presidential anecdotes. ("President Taft got stuck in his bathtub!") As if she's not just going to turn on a DVD of PBS' The American Presidency and sit in the back of the class and file her nails and text her sister.
Anyway, the guy is kind of regretting his decision to talk to her as she gets all Aspergery and keeps on with the presidential anecdotes. Harding had ptomaine poisoning! Three days after Lennon was shot, Reagan was still anti gun control. Three months later, he got shot! Actually Kitty never mentioned that part because she is a Republican. A California Republican to be sure, but still. Anyway the guy is backing away slowly, but trips and ends up sitting down across from her and making awkward presidential small talk. Blessed be, Kitty's phone rings and the guy blurts that his name is Seth and then makes a run for it.
It's Kevin, who is stress eating while freaking out over the adoption he suggested last week. Kitty reminds him that they are a gay couple in California, he is a child protection lawyer, Scotty is a chef, they are adoption shoo-ins! Kevin doesn't care, all he can think is: OOH BROWNIE. Which, I completely understand. I mean, come on: Brownie. Kitty excitedly remembers that someone was actually hitting on her. She exclaims that he's cute in a "Genius Bar" kind of way and some Apple geek who is CLEARLY watching the wrong channel gets a wee boner just thinking about that. Just then Kitty realizes that the barista has written his phone number on the coffee cup. Kitty, you're a cougar. Kevin's call waiting bings and it's Sarah and in Walker priority Sarah wins, so Kevin hangs up on Kitty in yet another single lady crisis. Like, whatever, Kitty, after that plumber we know you'll sleep with anything in flannel. The kid's a shoo-in!
Sarah is freaking out because she just busted her mom making out with the on-air psychologist. Kevin smartly asks if she is going to fire her mom, but instead Sarah opts to degrade her by pointing out that she, Sarah, owns the radio station plus four more and her beloved mother is just an ant that Sarah gazes on from the executive washroom. Kevin grills Sarah on good pre-schools in L.A., but she doesn't tell him for some reason, but instead says she has to go because Luc is leaving for China tonight and she has some fluffing... er, packing to do.
Nora walks in and apologizes to her boss for sucking face with a coworker, but Sarah doesn't mind because she's had a few workplace dalliances herself. Remember the UPS man at Ojai? Nora then gives us the backstory on Luc going to China. He's painting a mural! On the Great Wall! Okay, not on the Great Wall, but it could be because he is going to be gone for two months. Nora wants to throw a dinner party to celebrate his farewell, but after 40 something years as a Walker, Sarah has finally realized that Walker dinner parties are shitty and NO ONE wants to go. But instead of telling Nora that, she just pretends she wants Luc all to herself. Nora shrugs and skedaddles before Sarah can ask about Carl.
Meanwhile, Kevin is running through his adoption social worker checklist in Scotty's kitchen when one of the unnamed sous chefs comes looking for his brownie. You see, it was a special brownie. In a medical marijuana kind of way. It's all legal in California! Land of the free! Home of the stoned! With a doctor's prescription! Kevin looks aghast as the guy whines that it was the last of his stash and the mean old doctor won't give him any more happy pills. These are the things that happen in California, people!
Kitty has decided that the only proper thing to do in her situation is to call the number on the skinny vanilla latte. Luckily the barista has no work ethic and answers his cell phone while working the counter. Sure fire way to earn tips! He is surprised that it is Kitty, but this surprise does not stop him from clocking out for his ten-minute break and molesting Kitty in the storage closet. Wow, every other episode a Walker makes out with someone in a storage closet. If this continues there will be no discernable difference between this show and Jersey Shore. Aim high, writers! The guy whispers the magic words in Kitty's ear: you're not old. She dies. The end.