Jean Luc! Or as he prefers to be called, Luc, has shacked up with Sarah, but she does not want her kids to know that he exists, so when Cooper and Paige return from their months-long European vacation, she hurriedly trundles his hotness over to Walker Manor. It's not at all awkward to hide your French paramour at your mom's house! Tucked away at Nora's, Luc woos everyone's shoes off (except Nora's sensible flats) with his sweet Dancing with the Stars-earned moves. Also endearing him is his open-mindedness on being objectified by the wacky Walkers. But Nora doesn't fall for the act until a midnight spin under the stars puts Luc and Nora on the path to friendship. At least I hope that is all they are headed for.
The Senator woos Kitty with William F. Buckley (Republicans!) and Kitty leaps at the chance for a hot night out on the town. But The Senator is a big fat liar and instead of taking her to the Reagan Library, he sets up a romantic dinner on the same old tired Los Angeles rooftop. Unfortunately, Kitty is more interested in acting normal and cancer free than having an intimate encounter with her hot husband. Kitty puts the kibosh on future grand gestures and they go home to watch Evan sleep. Together.
Holly fuels Rebecca's Bridezilla fires by offering to hire a dance instructor and pay for the entire Wocka Wocka wedding extravaganza. Her generosity is put on hold when a strange man shows up in her office and reports that she got Madoff'd. Turns out that she got a little greedy with a fund that was offering way better than average returns and now the money manager is being investigated for fraud, the fund is broke and so is she. Her initial response is to drink some wine. Her next decision is to pick a fight with David, because, you know, that helps. They make up, but it looks like Rebecca's dream wedding may be in Nora's backyard after all. Good thing Luc is more than willing to pay for room and board in dance lessons.
Scotty wants to knock up a waitress. The enterprising server came in looking for an investment in her leather purse business, but walked out as a potential surrogate for the happy couple. Despite Scotty's excitement, Kevin is not convinced, which is not exactly a surprise. Scotty and Kevin hit a relationship crisis mid-Tango and head home to fight it out. In the end, Scotty wins and so long as the waitress passes her battery mental, physical, and genetic tests, they have their surrogate. Also, Kevin gets free murses for life.
Aw French people are so fucking cute. First they have those little accents, which are completely adorable. Then, they eat baguettes, which is downright hilarious. They also proudly wear neckscarves like their entire country was founded by a wayward tribe of Webelos. They also elected Sarkozy and shit. They are so fucking cute! Proving my point that they are kuter than kittens in kashmere, Luc, little girly sap that he is, reminds Sarah that today is their anniversary. She laughs at his tween talk and while she traces his bare man-nipple, he hands her the promise ring that he made her and they downright canoodle in bed until Sarah's phone rings. Being an ugly American, she answers it, despite the fact that she is about to get lucky with a Webelo and that she thinks it is her mother calling. Sarah answers and it is Joe, the ex, and probably the all time biggest mood killer ever. He probably just called to play her some mopey guitar and swish his stringy hair over the phone. He actually is calling to say that he is pulling up in front of the house right this very second and dumping the damn kids on her doorstep. Sure enough the doorbell starts ringing as Sarah shoves Frenchy into his pants and tells him to sneak out the back, while simultaneously jumping into her clothes, trying to air out her hair from the eau de dirty sex and pulling on her mom face. Not quite sure how Joe managed to book an international flight a day early, land, get the bags, and not bother to tell Sarah until he was in front of the house, but he is her ex-husband for a reason. Sarah flings the door open hoping the breeze will help get rid of the sexy smells wafting off of her and hugs Paige and Cooper. Paige now has a very cute namesake haircut. (It's a pageboy.) She buttons her pants the second the kids are distracted.
The Senator quietly sets down a cup of tea next to a sleeping Kitty. She thanks him for the cuppa and explains that she was not actually asleep, but was positively visualizing fireworks feting her cancer cells. You have cancer and you throw it a parade? Maybe I am misunderstanding something. Oh, maybe the fireworks are for exploding the nasty lil radicalized cells, but the pacifist positivity people don't want to use guns to bomb the buggers so instead call for visualizing fireworks. Kind of like my Quaker grandma who would insist that my brothers' GI Joe tanks shot out band-aids, which mystified me as a kid. Like, they would blow the Cobra forces to smithereens with advanced adhesive bandage technology? WTF, grandma? (WTF obviously standing for "Where's the Fun?") And I don't know if you guys follow @fakeapstylebook on the twitter, but you should because then you would know that when you are transcribing Cobra Commander you have to include hissss ssssssibilant essssssesssss. TMYK. Alternatively you can follow me @woolyknickers and I'll re-tweet the highlights. Wazzup, self-pimp? Anyway, Kitty is envisioning exploding her cancer cells (I am struggling to not write that with a "k") and seeing a healing light come over her and she passes The Senator her Kindle (just look at the way they incorporate modern technology into the show) and he thinks it is a great idea for her Republican blowhard-destroying mind and willpower to fight kancer. Wait...I thought she was the Republican blowhard. Anyway, to cheer his little cancer fighter up, The Senator invites her to a William F. Buckley event at the Reagan Library. There might be some randy Republicans and an elephant shaped cake, 'cause nobody parties like the Grand Old Party. Kitty is so excited to get out of the house and show off her chemo glow. The Senator leaves her to her Oprah-approved visualizing.