Welcome back! Did you miss me? Of course not. It's only been twelve seconds since the last episode ended. So here we are staring awkwardly at each other because we said good bye but then realized no one was going anywhere for a very long time. It's like when you bid your loved ones so long and farewell and auf wiedersehn and adieu and then your flight gets cancelled. Sighhhhhhhh. I'm still here so let's get this dog-and-pony (I'll let you decide who is who) show started. Let me just find my boater hat and stripey Dick Van Dyke jacket and cane.
Ah, there we go: Nora is cooking up a Fancy Feast for Lily except that Lily is a dog and Fancy Feast is only for cats, which seems cruel when you look at the delicious flavor options available. But of course no canned food is good enough for extra special Lily. No, no, Nora is cooking for her on the stove and talking to her like she thinks she's people. Luckily someone knocks at the door and Nora eagerly looks at the door, excited to have a conversation with someone other than a dog. It's Brody. Come to reclaim his dog a.k.a. Nora's conversation partner. Guess she'll have to go back to talking to the houseplants or that picture of Holly she has set up in the corner, so she can have her girl talk when she wants to and when she wants to use her Angry Voice she hollers at a picture of William Walker when the spirit so moves her. What? You know I'm right. She's just a few Epilady appointments away from Redd Foxx.
So Brody comes in and he looks like, well, like he's been living in a trailer on beef jerky and coffee. Facts he confirms seconds later. Then he sees Lily and his eyes light up, but Nora thinks he is getting all googly eyed over her, but he's not. So then Nora is all humiliated and goes to leave him alone with Lily, the love of his life, but he stops her and grabs her hand and thanks her most sincerely for caring for his high maintenance mutt. I guess she never told him she lost her, eh? Seriously crappy dog sitting, Nora, no matter how many gourmet dinners you make her.
Know what we haven't had yet this episode? A Walker family phone tree! So Kevin and Sarah are talking about the fact that it is Justin's big 3-0 and he has no plans. Seems he blew off his plans for a ski trip with his "friends" because he realized they were imaginary and thus not really worth the cost of lift tickets. Now Kevin has raided (a.k.a. broken into) Justin's apartment and has unearthed a list of items Justin wanted to do before he was 30 back when he was in high school. The list includes things like "make out with hot chicks" and "jump in the Hershey river," which I don't think is a euphemism, but sure as heck sounds like one.
Hey know what we haven't had yet this episode? A gratuitous shot of shirtless Luc wrapped only in a towel. Hubba hubba yadda yadda. It's amazing how often that guy takes his shirt off. I mean, it's probably in his contract and all, but they really work it into the storyline, you know? Like, we see Luc and Sarah's bedroom almost every episode, but never Kevin's. So shirtless Luc overhears that Justin is blowing off his own birthday and even he thinks that is inconceivable (a word that must always be said with a Wallace Shawn accent) that Justin not have a party. Sarah decides to call Nora because Mommy Knows Best how to throw a party for Justin.
Nora answers with a very curt, "WHAT?" to which Sarah replies, "Take your Boniva, lady, sheesh," because that is NOT a polite way to answer the phone. Nora claims she is fine and is dying to a host a dinner party for Justin's birthday. NOooooooooOOOOOOOO. This episode can't handle a dinner party! There are too many Walker clichés already happening! Even Kevin realizes the validity of my argument and tells Nora to "think outside the wine box" for the birthday party. Luc suggests a dance party with a disco ball and since he is still shirtless no one bothers to argue with him. Kevin even suggests that Scotty shut down the café for the night and they can hire a DJ. Nora reminds them that Justin hates dancing, which I guess is a fact only a mother would know. Then Brody hollers in the distance and everyone hears it and Nora pretends it didn't happen. Then she confesses that Brody is there and that he is showering and, thus, nude within 100 feet of her person. Sarah giggles and then Nora lies and claims she is not doing Brody's laundry, which she totally is. She is such a lady, that Nora.
Then Justin comes into his house and totally catches Kevin red-handed, mid-conference call, in his house! Oh the scandal! Except Justin doesn't seem to care that Kevin broke in and was rummaging through his stuff and taking calls in his house. He just wants to know who Kevin was talking to, which seems like the least worrisome behavior what with all the misdemeanors going on. Kevin immediately fesses up that they were all planning his birthday party and Justin pretends that he canceled his ski trip with his "friends" because he wants to pretend he is not turning 30, which should be easy because Dave Annable is what? 32? This is called acting, Justin, it's YOUR JOB. Justin reminds Kevin that he just got off a night shift and would like to go to bed and then he also kindly asks him not to break into his house any more. Kevin doesn't agree to that, because duh. But instead he changes the subject and hands Justin the list of things to do before he turns 30. Sleep be damned, he and Justin are going to do everything on that there list. Except the flying car thing because that is just stupid. Justin is suspicious that Kevin is so willing to waste precious billable hours loitering at his house and Kevin admits that the real reason he is there is to avoid Scotty's horrible mother who is coming to meet Olivia. Justin isn't thrilled by this admission, but when Kevin pulls out an old school NES to play a round of Street Fighter (it's on the list!) Justin is in. Also, I'm jealous.
Sarah is late to work, but this does not stop Luc (who is distressingly wearing a shirt) from whining at her that they have a wedding planner on the way. Um... why would Luc schedule a meeting with a wedding planner in the middle of Sarah's work day? We love him for his looks. Sarah is like, "And? I have a work crisis. You handle it." Luc tries to play the I'm a guy card, but Sarah reminds him that he's French and thus was born ready to handle food and decorations for a hundred. Luc nods because it is all true.
Saul and Jonathan are sharing an intimate breakfast... in the café. Do these people even worry about making a profit at this restaurant? They are shutting it down here, feeding people for free there, who is the business mind behind this operation? Saul is in a good mood, so when his mother calls, he ignores it. I mean, there's nothing like Ida to bring a mood down right? She is like the ultimate party pooper. Jonathan is happy to oblige because he has a proposition: Being openly gay is not enough. He wants them to buy a fixer upper in Palm Springs, too, and decorate it with mid-century modern furniture! Saul smiles, but turns him down. He likes his life now and doesn't want all the other gay people he knows to get jealous of him. Speaking of other gay people, Scotty bustles into the café to, no, not work, but to borrow some table linens and place settings to take upstairs. You see, his mother is coming and he needs to do some staging. He is not happy about the impending and apparently surprise visit. His mother is judgmental and opinionated, but not in that cute Nora way, but in a totally different and annoying way. She is coming to meet Olivia for the first time and Scotty is not looking forward to hearing her thoughts on his parenting skills. Saul thinks his mother is worse and because of her worseness he learned to just be proud of himself. Scotty snorts derisively, because Saul never even told his mother he was gay. Obviously Jonathan finds that tidbit fascinating, but Saul just sees no point in telling Ida the news.
Over at Walker Manor, Brody has done the Triple S (shit, shower, and shave) and is