Nora invites herself along on Kitty's campaign tour, because nothing screams Republican candidate like an incredibly vocal Democrat in tow. And since Sarah has the sads and has parked herself on the couch eating pizza, Nora brings her along too. On the bus, Nora spends the hours critiquing Kitty's talking points while Sarah watches her stories, and they both just annoy Kitty.
Justin is still trying to convince Rebecca to go to Haiti with him, but she won't. She took her Junior Vice President job and bought 12 new blazers. She thinks Justin should go to Haiti without her. Because spending a year apart is the best thing for their marriage.
Saul and Scotty are moving forward on their restaurant and are having the whole clan (except for Luc, who is too French to understand organic comfort food tapas) up to the Ojai for a menu testing. But before they can try the foie gras, they have to meet their government mandated community service requirement and suggest Saul get tested for the HIV. All the kids are doing it these days. Saul has an extremely adverse reaction to his test and sprouts a self-doubting soapbox and hollers at Scotty and Kevin for their cavalier gay ease. He storms out of the restaurant testing to pout. But then the next day he gets the results and he's okay. Thus endeth the annual PSA. Get tested, kids!
The Senator is struggling with his decisions. Dr. Anspaugh wants The Senator to give him the tapes of Skeezy No Bid Stanton bribing The Senator, but The Senator won't do it because Stanton threatened Kitty. The Senator wants to keep the tapes as collateral, and Dr. Anspaugh warns him to keep those tapes really secure. The Senator decides to trust Justin with his secret. He gives Justin the key to a safe deposit box and says that if anything happens to him, Justin should give the key to Kitty. Obviously, Justin finds this whole episode downright unsettling. Justin finds it equally unsettling that The Senator is taking a serious heart medicine and is hiding it from Kitty. As soon as Justin confronts The Senator about his heart condition, The Senator has an attack. He wakes up in the hospital and tells Kitty everything. They decide to release the tapes.
Nora has gone behind Holly's and Sarah's back and paid for additional drilling at Narrow Lake. She is just so sure that some good will come of it. Sarah doesn't appreciate it, though, because she can't move on if Nora won't. But no one wants to move on when Nora's drillers hit pay dirt or, rather, pay water. Yep the ladies are in the water business now. They have a wet T-shirt contest to celebrate, obvi.
After the restaurant tasting, the entire Walker clan (plus Holly) is driving home from the Ojai house in a big old caravan of family. Justin and Rebecca are the last out of the house. So they are the last to the wreck site. Everyone they know and love has been in a horrible pile-up. There is glass and metal and flame everywhere. Scotty and Kevin struggle out of the car, hurt but walking; Sarah and Nora are stunned and bloodied. Saul is covered in blood, but when Kevin goes to help him, Saul barks: NO! You can't! Because Saul lied, and he is HIV positive. (Get tested, kids.) But that's not even the real tragedy. As a former army medic, Justin is in high demand. Kitty begs him to come help The Senator who is really hurt, but when Holly is unconscious and trapped, and Rebecca is screaming, The Senator insists that Justin go help her. Justin leaves The Senator with a gaping head wound to save Holly, who is also not looking so hot. Kitty sobs quietly as she tries to make The Senator keep talking, but it's too late. This was the saddest five minutes of television ever.
Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker is too sad to be pithy. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
The Senator is looking pensive as he puts some mini tapes into an envelope. Wait. The Senator is a senator on a high-risk covert operation and ...they gave him a TAPE recorder? They really couldn't spring for the digital? I know this show gets wacky with their timelines, so is it actually 1989? Good grief, people: RADIO SHACK. Check it out sometime. He sticks the *cough * tapes in an envelope, seals it, and reaches for his medication. He pops a pill as Kitty and a walking, squirrelly Evan come out. What year is it? I haz confused. Kitty puts her kid down and tries to answer the phone simultaneously. It's Nora, obviously, who has no qualms about calling at 7 a.m. because she doesn't sleep. (It's a Boniva side effect, shhhh.) Nora is worried about Sarah who is not handling unemployment with the grace and dignity of, say, Britney Spears. She wants Kitty to go visit, but Kitty is, you know, CAMPAIGING FOR OFFICE and is a bit busy to go scrape her big sister off the couch. Kitty suddenly realizes that The Senator does not look like a man about to leave on a bus trip. He apologizes, but something came up with the "appropriations bill" (oh, is that what the kids are calling it these days?) and he can't join her on a bus ride across the state, as much as he wanted to be on a glorified Greyhound for days on end. Kitty was looking forward to spending time with her husband, but instead it looks like she will get some QT with mom. Nora is more than happy to join Kitty on the Republican campaign trail despite being a rabid and vocal Democrat. The Senator kisses Kitty, but before he goes she reminds him about dinner in Ojai tomorrow night. Saul and Scotty are preparing a tasting menu from their soon-to-open restaurant. Ack! What is the timeline here? Can someone send me a flowchart please? And, wait, how is Kitty going to make 16 stops on the campaign trail and still make it to Ojai by tomorrow? Is she traveling by wormhole? I think her competition would have a field day with that.
Nora has recruited Justin to pep Sarah up. So he barges into her house, mocks her for eating pizza for breakfast and jumps on her. Quintessential little brother behavior. But, really: who jumps on a 40-something woman? Think that was an awkward scene for the two of them? Justin taunts her lack of sloth skillz and reminds her that he is the King of Unemployment, which I think is like a Welfare Queen and Kitty and The Senator would probably have a lot to say about that. Don't let the other candidates find out! Luc comes downstairs and is surprised to find Justin teasing his unemployed sister. Sarah is grumpy and whiny and sleepy and dirty and lazy and a few other dwarves I can't think of right now. Luc won't just leave her alone to rot, though. He lerves her. So he swipes the pizza box and insists on making her an omelet. It makes sense that French love involves six eggs and a stick of butter. When Luc leaves, Sarah sighs to Justin that she lost everything. Justin chirpily reminds her that she has Narrow Lake and Sarah holds herself back from slugging him. Now she, Holly, and her mother are joint owners of the Narrow Lake property and have absolutely nothing to show for it. Wait...what? How did that happen? Oh whatever. I'm not even going to question this shit anymore. Do whatever you want show! No need to explain! Luc comes in and announces that Nora is on her way over. Sarah gasps, collapses on the couch, and clutches her remote control in terror.