Justin swings by The Senator's house late at night. He doesn't know what he's doing there. I mean, he got called there, he didn't wander there in a drunken head injured stupor or anything. He just doesn't know what The Senator wants with him late at night with Kitty out of town. The Senator says he just wants to talk, but the lights are low and The Senator is sort of sweating, so it sounds dirty, right? The Senator explains that he needs a soldier and Justin was a soldier right? And just two weeks ago he was sentimentally stroking his uniform, thinking: just one more time for old time's sake? So The Senator needs him to be a good soldier, not ask any questions, and just take a key to a safe deposit box and not ask any questions. Justin quashes his genetic Walkerness and manages to not ask 2 or 56 questions and takes the damn key. He does manage to sneak a peek at The Senator's pill bottle though.
Nora, Sarah and Kandidate Kitty are going three-a-bed in a hotel room and Kitty looks like she is about to fake a seizure in order to get them out of her hair. While Kitty tries to work, Nora mucks about trying to create some mood lighting out of the various lamp options in the room, while Sarah is frantically looking for the remote control. Kitty suddenly bolts upright. Some right wing political action committee with an overtly patriotic name is smearing her in the blogs again. This time it is claiming that she is campaigning in a private jet that runs on taxpayer's dolla dolla bills and Yemeni oil. Kitty is aghast, but quickly realizes that mentioning this to Nora was a mistake. Nora cannot believe that anyone would say anything hurtful about her baby girl. How dare they? Kitty gets a scared look in her eyes realizing she has RELEASED THE KRAKEN that is Nora Walker unleashed. She begs Nora to let it go, but when did that ever work? There'll be scathing comments on the blog by morning. MARK MY WORDS. Sarah and Nora start arguing and Kitty shushes them so she can work on her speech already. So they start arguing louder about how there is no wine (alert the state police!) and Sarah is going to drive the GODDAMNED BUS herself if she has to, because she MUST HAVE WINE NOW. Nora decides to go fetch an intern, because that is exactly what college freshman want to do during their internship on a political campaign: Fetch wine for the candidate's lush relatives. That's the material that Kitty Kelly tell-alls are made from!
Kitty apparently made it through the night without throttling anyone, but she doesn't look happy either. Sarah arises from the Sleep of the Unemployed with a shower cap on and a face mask dried to her skin making her look like a dehydrated alien. Kitty scowls at her as she stretches and starts the morning with a whine. Nora then rises from the floor with her hair covered in potato chip crumbs like someone mistook her for a tuna noodle casserole during the night. What the fuck were these ladies up to last night? And how much wine did the intern buy them? Maybe the intern roofied them. It would serve them right. Kitty gets a call, pulls out her computer and then almost quietly asks Nora if she logged onto the evil Republican website last night? Nora gasps and covers her mouth in shame. She had too much wine. Good lord, Nora, you couldn't even semi-abstain for one night in a hotel room on the campaign trail? I don't mean, like abstain completely, but maybe not get so blotto that you can't even remember why you were sleeping on the floor, why you are decorated like a casserole, or why you logged into a website and fired off some hellfire and brimstone at your daughter's detractors? Hold it together, woman! Kitty gasps that her mother told them how much her wig costs! But Nora denies that one on the grounds that she has no idea how much Kitty's wig costs. Kitty shakes her head in irritation, because the website states that her wig cost $4,300, which is the exact amount. Now her competitors or the faceless PAC with the patriotic name will portray her as either Rich Kitty who spends $4,300 on a wig and has no idea how much a gallon of milk costs, or Poor Kitty who had cancer and is too sickly to serve. Kitty really wants to figure out who is saying this about her. She also would like her mother to take a shower and get the damn Fritos out of her hair before the next campaign stop.
Justin is on the phone with his friendly neighborhood pharmacology professor who has no qualms translating The Senator's pill bottle for his nosy brother in law. The pills are for ventricular tachycardia and sure as heck sound serious to Justin! Oh look, Rebecca is in the car with him while he is chit chatting on the phone with his professor. How polite! When he finally hangs up, Rebecca wants to talk. Justin tries to will his cell phone into ringing so he can avoid the conversation, but no dice. Rebecca suggests that they both do what they want to do; he'll go to Haiti and she'll take her awesome blazer-wearing job. Justin points out that they just got married, so isn't it a bit soon for a separation? Rebecca blurts out that she took the job. This is her idea of a compromise. Justin takes his eyes off the road and his hands off from the Ten to Two position on the steering wheel to shake his fist at her. How could she? They were going to talk about it! Rebecca shrugs that she really wanted the job, but he should feel free to abandon her and go to Haiti. Rebecca seems almost sociopathic right now. Like, how could she not see that squashing Justin's dream without even talking to him about it was sort of awful? And then suggesting they separate for a year as some sort of happy normal newlywed compromise like spending a year 3000 miles apart is akin to splitting two desserts? Rebecca, it might be time to increase the Thorazine level. Fuck it. Justin? You should go.
Saul has decided to take his HIV testing into his own hands. He has stopped prep work for the big dinner and has walked himself down to a clinic in Ojai. He is nervous talking about being old and never having sex and little chance he's HIV positive. The doctor calmly explains that the over-50 population is the fastest growing HIV positive demographic because of Viagra and other performance enhancers. Use condoms, kids! Er, seniors. Saul then asks if it is possible to be HIV positive and have no symptoms whatsoever and the doctor explains that it is possible, but rare. Saul sadly notes that someone he was with years and years ago has been living with HIV for 20 years and he is nervous. The doctor is kind and patient and sets up a rapid HIV test with 24-hour turnaround. Wait. If Saul's old flame is a big time activist, wouldn't he have alerted Saul to go get tested? Also, most states (I don't know about California) have mandatory reporting requirements where people who test HIV positive have to list all their partners so they can be anonymously informed of the situation. Did Saul just slip through the cracks? This all feels very Public Service Announcement-y. No likey. Leave Uncle Saul alone, you jerks!
It's dinner time in Ojai and Saul and Scotty are in a whirlwind of prep work trying to prepare their sadly unoriginal sounding tasting menu for the Walkers. Saul is an extremely grumpy bunny and Scotty apologizes for pressuring him into getting tested. Saul doesn't want to talk about it, but wants to focus on the frisee salad and poached eggs. He snaps at Rebecca, too, but she deserves it, so who cares? Snap away, Saul! Rebecca then gets snapped at AGAIN when she asks Justin if he wants a sweater, but she still deserves it. You suggest to your new husband a year-long separation, you got to expect some snappishness. So suck it up, sweetheart! The Senator has also just arrived and looks at Justin quizzically, but Justin doesn't want to talk about it so quickly changes the subject to something The Senator doesn't want to talk about: His heart condition. The Senator fills his mouth with cheese so he can't answer. Luckily Nora, Sarah, and Kitty show up still covered in potato chips and smelling like bum wine. Who says Republicans don't know how to party? Kitty wants to talk