Brothers and Sisters

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Rebecca is flipping through bridal magazines as she talks to David on the phone. Quick question: In this flagging economy that has seen the shuttering of some great magazines (if you close your eyes you can hear me sobbing quietly over the loss of Gourmet), how do bridal magazines stay in business? What is their business model? Well, I guess if you expect every bride-to-be to buy at least one magazine before her big day that is one source of steady income. But do brides-to-be really make up a sufficient base of revenue? And does anyone subscribe to one of those magazines? I mean you only need one, two max. And don't magazines need multiple revenue streams? Doesn't everyone buy one, flip through it, and then leave it at the nail salon? Is it all ads? Before you answer any of these questions, be forewarned that unless your answer includes some way for Gourmet to re-open, I don't actually care. So Rebecca is talking to David who is nudging her to TELL JUSTIN ALREADY. She sort of shrugs, which David can't see because they are on the telephone, but since David has firmly ensconced himself in the Father of the Bride role, he could probably sense it. And I, for one, like him as Rebecca's trusted adult. And I love that she told David about this little pickle and still hasn't told Holly. Love it! At this point Justin arises from his med school induced zombie state and immediately starts (no, not hungering for brains -- that is SO three weeks ago) canoodling Rebecca while she talks to her dad, which is uncalled for in most cultures and while slobbering on her neck he simultaneously starts asking about sports scores or something like all he can think about besides memorizing hand bones is sports and sex. Rebecca hangs up on David, knocks Justin's roamin' hands off of her burgeoning bazoombas and ditches him for 'wedding stuff'. Justin sulks because it is his first day after exams and he is convinced he aced them all and he really wanted to get some pre-nuptial nookie. Because he totally deserves it and c'mon baby, don't do him like this! No luck, sinner.

Scotty and Kevin are in the waiting room of a fertility clinic and Scotty is nervous that he won't be able to perform in such a sterile environment. Hmm...sterile was probably a poor choice of word. Kevin, who is wise in the ways of semi-public medicinal masturbation after giving a helping hand (and cup...er, tablespoon?) to Tommy and Julia, informs clinical newbie Scotty that while he can't escort him into the room, Scotty should feel free to make full use of the clinic's porn stash -- guilt free! Scotty giggles like any man who just got the green light on porn use from his spouse. I mean PORN, people! When the nurse comes for him, Scotty jumps over two rows of chairs and knocks over a sad mommy wannabe on his way to the porn stash. For medicinal purposes, obviously.

Kitty wanders around Walker Manor until she finds Nora in the shower. Oblivious to the fact that some people (not Walkers, obvi) would not want people talking to them while they shower, Kitty prattles on until she realizes that NORA IS NOT ALONE. Not in the creepy John Edwards (the psychic, not the philandering ex-Senator) crossing over way or even in a V sort of way, although Kitty might prefer alien reptiles or ghosts to the nude doctor soaping up her mom. Kitty runs screaming from the room and back into the warmth and safety of her husband's sheltering embrace. She shudders in horror and then surveys the kitchen to which she has retreated. It is covered in the detritus of a romantic dinner: wine glasses, oysters, and dishes dishes everywhere. Nora must be really smitten if she stops cleaning, right? I mean a clean kitchen is this woman's raison d'etre and god forbid she leave the plates overnight. I mean this may be 2009 and Nora may be a "progressive" but she keeps her house like a proper 1950s housemarm as if clutter was a venial sin. Kitty and The Senator shake their heads in wonder as Nora, now bathrobed, arrives full of apologies. The Senator would like her to apologize in the direction of the coffeemaker, which is shockingly empty and which, as a senator, he requires a mother-in-law or an intern to fill. Senators are sort of silly like that. Nora apologizes again for failing to fill the coffeepot and then apologizes some more for failing to have any breakfast fixings on site. The lack of milk is much too much for Kitty. She reads her mother the Milk Act of Ought Nine about the importance of dairy in a well-balanced diet. Nora rolls her eyes and tells her to go buy her own damn milk, a sentiment for which I resoundingly applaud Nora. Like, shut it, Kitty. Simon makes his own robed arrival (Justin's robe to be precise) and The Senator wanders up to him, sticks out his hand, and introduces himself, "I'm Robert McAllister, your senator who would like to be your governor. Can I rely on your vote this coming election?" Simon apologizes for his role in the Great Milk Shortage and promises to vote for the right Republican. The Senator smiles broadly, both at the new day that has dawned in Pasadena, and for the extra vote. Kitty just shakes her head in horror. OH THE HORROR.

Over at Ojai-ay-ay, Sarah is hard at work...ha! As if. She's mooning over photos of the dearly departed Luc and bidding adieu to each and every solitary photo before deleting it. A lone tear rolls down her corporate and demanding cheek. Her phone rings (not her work phone, obvi) and it is Kitty looking to kvetch about Her Mother. Sarah is horrified that Nora dares to have sex when she was just dumped. Does her mother have no sympathy? No empathy? No maternal concern? How dare she?? Kitty shudders some more and then Sarah's other phone rings (not her work phone, obvi) and it is Kevin who is still at the clinic waiting for Scotty to finish up his turn with the Robert Pattinson Vanity Fair spread. Sarah breaks the news of their mother's betrayal none-too-gently and Kevin shrieks like a twelve-year old girl at a Jonas Brothers mall show. Not even Robert Pattinson can conquer the image of his osteoporosis-fighting cougar of a mother in the shower with a younger doctor. He sighs at Scotty who has finally emerged from the Cabinet of (Medical) Delights, hoping he will somehow still be able to *ahem* rise to the occasion. Sarah's phone rings (not her work phone, obvi); it is Justin. Kevin tells her to hang up on him so he can attempt to procreate. Justin morosely asks if Sarah and Luc want to hang out and the awkward silence that should ensue is obliterated by Kitty's horrified gasp and speakerphone stage whisper that Luc left. Sarah moans that Luc dumped her and Justin scratches his head in stupidity. Dude, if you can't multitask gossip and anatomy, how are you ever going to be a doctor? Kitty tries to doink Justin on the head, but technology hasn't advanced that far yet, so she falls back on the classics: sarcasm and guilt. She reminds him that he is getting married soon. He ignores her. And with that Sarah decides to get back to work. If by work you mean, mooning over photos of a wet, shirtless Luc. Maybe she should email those to Kevin to, you know, lend a helping hand.

Holly is on a work and debt-related hunger strike, but she's pretending it's a pre-wedding diet. David isn't falling for it for a second. He begs her to cut down on the wedding expenses. They don't really need the seafood tower (and I bet the pregnant bridezilla would totally agree with that) or the damn ukeleles, do they? Holly swears that they do, because this is their daughter's wedding and she deserves the perfect day. And, dammit, EVERYONE'S perfect day involves seafood and shrunken guitars. David tries to straight-talk her like he's Dr. Phil or something, but Holly doesn't care that she's broke and has already maxed out three credit cards. David then comes to the inevitable (and much more modern) conclusion that perhaps they should ask the groom's family to help out. Holly stamps her foot NO, because asking Nora for money is obvi

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Brothers and Sisters

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