Everyone is talking to Scotty, and Kevin is peeved about it, because they should be on his side, dammit. Luckily, Paige has a plan: She's going to make them help her with debate team practice. It's all innuendo and double entendre laden, but Scotty and Kevin get to discuss their issues in the helpful strictures of a middle school debate competition. But Scotty and Kevin weren't much for the debate team, and they bail. But Paige doesn't give up and locks them in Sarah's house to talk. That doesn't work either, but they eventually make up and hit that middle school debate competition like it owes them money. Paige gets all the credit, natch.
Kitty and Sarah are suddenly realizing that they should consider getting jobs. They wisely decide that they are completely suited to working together. Which, of course, they aren't. Then offhandedly Kitty mentions that Nora once said business was Sarah's "thing", Sarah takes great offense and storms out to go confront Nora. Because, yes, they are that immature. Nora tries to remember this one thing she said 20 years ago, but she can't, and Sarah is still angry. Then Sarah reminds Kitty that Nora called her a flibbertygibbet, and then everyone is pissed. Obviously this is all moments before Nora's publicity shoot, because why embarrass yourself and your family in private when you can do it publicly? Nora hollers at them and storms off, ditching her own photo shoot. Kitty and Sarah realize the errors of their ways, make up, and decide to get jobs. Kitty's going to be a visiting professor and Sarah is going to buy Nora's radio station. That should be fun to watch. Or incredibly freaking painful.
Nora has been flirting haplessly with a fellow professional radio host. If by flirting you mean rambling incessantly and at increasingly high volume. So when her daughters ruin her big day (again) she stalks him to the local restaurant and cries and asks him to be her friend because she suddenly realized that she has none. The guy recommends that Nora let her children bleed to death in front of her if necessary, because they are old enough to fend for themselves. And, yeah, he'll be her BFF. At least until her children Google his fatal flaw or he has to move across the country or something.
The producers finally found a way to keep Holly on the show because, despite the fact that Rebecca has ditched Justin for the magical NYC photography career, he is still driving Holly to the hospital. At the hospital he meets a hottie doctor who is both young and has time to put on copious amounts of mascara. Yes, it's his real-life wife. Anyway, Justin brings Holly home and quickly decides that David is high. So fingers crossed for another druggie intervention storyline because that is not played-out on this show at all. Justin confronts David at work about his new drug habit. He reminds him that Holly is more important than fun drugs. David agrees to go to a meeting, but Justin has to cancel his date with the doctor. Only the doctor busts him because she is inexplicably at Holly's house. Justin admits that he is Holly and David's ex-son-in-law. That's too much for her to handle. And then it's not and they go out. Whee.
Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker is going to have an intervention intervention with this show. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
Professional Radio Host Nora Walker is wandering the halls of her new Professional Radio Station when she stops to admire some Professional Advice being doled out on the air by a Professional Radio Person. She has a clipboard and her glasses in hand so you know she is both A Professional, but also Mature and Responsible. Those are capital letters, people, take this shit seriously.
The producer/occasional on-air talent guy finds Nora in the hallway gawking at the Professional Radio Person. She is probably wondering if wearing a burgundy sweater vest would give her that air of authority and, dare I say it, professionalism, that he has mastered. The producer who is also head of PR and HR and community outreach and god knows what else those slavedrivers in public radio make the poor schlub do for $30 K a year and a totebag (SEND ME A TOTEBAG, GODDAMIT) needs to talk to Nora about her photo shoot today. He'll be doing her makeup -- Maybelline okay? No? Stila, then? Okay. Also as her daughters are both coming in to lend her publicity shots some mom cred, he needs to know their drink orders. Nora nods obligingly while staring wistfully at the Professional Radio Person and his Professional Attire and Professional Advice. Don't worry, Nora, at the rate things are going for you, in two more weeks you'll have your book deal and a television spot next to Wolf Blitzer.
Kitty, Sarah, Kevin, and Evan (who has removed his Cloak of Invisibility long enough to materialize on his mother's bony lap) are staring at laptops and doing some online shopping. They are on Gilt.com, but they won't say it's Gilt because Gilt probably did not pay them to say it. YET. Kitty is cursing about a sold out bag while Evan sits mutely hoping if he stays really quiet his mom won't shove him back in the oversized LL Bean tote bag she stores him in. It's monogrammed!
Sarah tells Kevin that she spoke to Scotty and Kevin, rightly, goes off the rails reminding her that he is the VICTIM and she is not allowed to talk to Cheaty McCheaterpants. Sarah throws up her hands in the universal sign of innocence and then does what every good parent does and blames her daughter. Paige called Scotty for help on her debate team competition, because as a chef Scotty frequently uses his elocution skills to win points with the dishwasher? I have no idea why Paige would want Scotty's assistance when she has both a former senatorial candidate and talk show ideologue as an aunt, a lawyer as an uncle, and a Professional Radio Person as a grandmother. But, no. She wants to talk to her uncle the philanderer. Yes, show, that makes sense. Kevin protests, but Sarah shrugs. Kevin's pants are in a tizzy, but Kitty tells him to unclench his cheeks because they are all officially on paper at least on His Side.
Nora runs into Professional Radio Personality, Dr. Carl West, at the conveniently placed water cooler. They coo over each other and sign up for their Facebook fan pages and start Digg-ing each others' links and shit right there in the hallway. They are BIG FANS. Blushing and gushing ensues.