Well, shit. I should be watching the Golden Globes right now, like the ENTIRE REST OF THE UNIVERSE, but instead I am watching this, THIS. I am pretty certain that ABC is doing this to me because not a single Walker was nominated in any category and the show was once again overlooked. But since I can’t even remember what happened last season except for the introduction of Ryan Fucking Lafferty I am thinking that they deserved to be overlooked.
Sarah is back on the dating market with that dad she met at the science fair. And what better way to introduce the guy she’s been dating for a day? (an hour?) to her amazing family then to bring him to a family dinner. Those always go off without a hitch, right? But, that invite pretty much gets rescinded when Sarah and Roy inadvertently face off during an ugly PTA meeting and Sarah swears of dating men forever. But just men, so you know, Joe could come back or something. Anyway, at the dinner party, Sarah is well on the way to drunken oblivion when Roy actually shows up. Score one for him! Then minus twenty because he is a Republican and has to talk about it… with all the Walkers drawing party lines.
So in this week's adventure with Scotty and Kevin’s sperm, they boys are at the fertility clinic hoping to implant their advanced blastocystes in their surrogate to finally hopefully make a baby although we all know it will probably be twins. Then during the procedure Scotty says something about “Licorice and Lady Parts” and I blank out until the whole threesome is bunking in Paige’s bedroom playing Wii Tennis to a Lady Gaga soundtrack. Check back for the recap if you actually really care for the details. Anyway, Michelle is not living up to Kevin's surrogate expectations and he is obviously bugging her and kind of Scotty and kind of me with his Nervous Nellie routine. Also, Michelle has to stay on bed rest for three days and not have sex for four months and this is wildly disappointing for her barely legal boyfriend.
But the big news this week is that Kitty has a friend! And it’s Cheryl Hines! Cheryl Hines is her friend! Also, I just saw Kitty at the Golden Globes and she has a full head of hair (which I think I can actually see peeking out the side of her Badu-esque wrap). Anyway, Cheryl Hines is some sort of one-woman Southern Republican political machine and, as fully expected, Kitty decides that she might just maybe be interested in running for Congress. Obviously she doesn't mention that to The Senator, because WHY WOULD SHE? What are they married or something? So when The Senator decides that (SHOCKER! No, really.) he doesn't want to run for re-election, Kitty obviously gets called out as a potential congressional candidate at the press conference and it freaks everyone out. Especially Kitty. And The Senator. And Kevin. Evan's there too, but he didn't seem to notice.
Saul finally gets his ten minutes per season, with everyone being all concerned that he hasn't changed out of his cranky pants in a month. I guess it's been a month since last week's episode. So Sarah doesn't want to ask Uncle Grumpy to go fix his financial fuck up and then Nora volunteers to fix it because she used to do all the books at Ojai. Then Saul catches her sitting at his desk and he yells, because he is cranky. Later at the dinner party, after a few drinks and a few jibes from Nora, he comes out with the fascinating observation that he is old, his dreams are dead, and all he has is his job and he didn't like hearing that he fucked up at work. So Kitty hollers at him about a dream deferred and right then and there decides that she wants to run for Congress for reals! Obvs the soon-to-be ex-Senator walks in at the end of the speech and is all wtf, woman? Which she deserves. ‘Cause wtf ,woman? Talk to your damn husband already! She eventually does and they hatch a charming little plan: Kitty should run for The Senate! Oh shit that is going to be really confusing for my nomenclature.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
If you wasted your entire evening watching the Golden Globes (a.k.a.: I'm James Cameron, Bitch!) because you couldn't miss seeing Jon Hamm's victory speech or seeing the first woman director win the title of "Best" or seeing Lea Michele take home the crown for all the Gleeks out there, I bet you were kind of disappointed right? And, obviously, you should have stayed true to your school and just watched your beloved Brothers & Sisters and read the Fug Girls covering the red carpet and watched highlights on the YouTube. I mean, as Roger freakin' Ebert wrote: "All hail Avatar, yes, but the year's best picture? Give me a f--king break." I mean Ebert was so disappointed that he watched the Globes instead of Brothers & Sisters that he was two hyphens away from actually swearing! Anyway, I'll forgive you.
So, Sarah is out on this mad hot date with ManBoobs, the hot (?) single dad she picked up at Paige's science fair because that is what single moms do when they don't want to risk embarrassing their daughters. Anyway, she apparently got his digits out of the PTA directory or punished Paige for being such a tweeny twit and made her get the guy's number from his daughter, which would be the ultimate humiliation, right? So Sarah and ManBoobs are out for coffee for the third time that week because neither of them has a job apparently and Sarah is dressed for winter in a hat (beret, actually) and full-length wool trench and he is in like a linen blazer so it kind of looks like they green screened them together, but I don't really imagine the show has the budget for that. The giggly twosome are swapping parenting horror stories and tween traumas and having such a gay old time that ManBoobs spontaneously asks her what she is doing that night. Sarah confesses that she is having dinner with her sister and husband, but heck, he should come too! He thinks it'll be fun! Oops, did Sarah forget to mention that her mother, uncle, brother and brother-in-law are coming too? Did she forget to mention that her brother and his husband are knocking up their surrogate today too? Did she forget? Well that is easily remedied. And, obviously, very important information for a guy you might want to date. ManBoobs, to his serious discredit, still thinks it sounds like a lot of fun. Someone should check his IQ or up his medication. And, really Sarah? You want this guy you've gone out for coffee with three times to meet your entire family at one of the ALWAYS wildly successful Walker dinner parties? Are you going to start drinking now? Because as you said, that's a hell of a lot of Walker. Perhaps your beret is on too tight?
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