Tommy is home! (Kill me.) He has a little surprise, too. It's a very extremely animated brunette who apparently gets mackerel thrown at her in Seattle. Actually it's Don Draper's blonde doctor, dyed and dating a Walker. Oh how the mighty have fallen. For some reason everyone in the family hates her on sight, maybe because she's The Other and they are all feeling very Hegelian. Also, she is annoying and kind of stalkerish and a Civil War re-enacter. I hope she stays forever. But Tommy's real surprise is that he is here to ask Sarah for money for his Big New Business Idea. Wait, that's not really a surprise at all. The real surprise is that Tommy is engaged. Everyone really pretends to care. Then Sarah yells at Tommy for a while and then gives up and asks him to work with her again. So he says yes and just like that my Sunday nights are even worse.
Justin and Annie may be officially dating, but they haven't carved their initials into a tree or something and Dr. Africa with his British accent is making a play. By playing softball! Justin can't handle a little healthy competition though and ends up in a fist fight on the softball diamond. Hope Annie likes some testosterone with her machismo! I hope she also likes awkward family dinners, because Justin brings her over to Walker Manor so she can watch the Walkers in action. Then Justin breaks up with Annie because he doesn't think she's over Dr. Africa. STUPIDEST JUSTIN MOVE EVER? Wait, that's not a question. She was too hot for him anyway.
Scotty and Kevin have brought their little stray puppy …er, daughter, home. Welcome, Olivia! Nora introduces her to the family by including her in the family conference call. Aww, baby's first family phone tree. Scotty and Kevin ask Olivia to write a list of things she wants from the store and she draws one instead (including a gecko, which is just thinly-veiled Geico product placement) and no one thinks that is weird, except for me, but I can sense an illiteracy storyline coming from twelve miles away. I am a super genius. Scotty and Kevin eventually figure it out when she can't write her gecko's name on his nametag. So they hire a tutor. They're such dads.
Lest we forget that there is another William Walker mystery abrewin', Tommy's fiancée is a Walker stalker and is making a Walker family tree and notices that the date on William and Nora's marriage certificate is June when they always said it was January. Was Nora already knocked up? Is one of these Walkers not like the others?
Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker is an avid indoorsman. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
You guys, the 90s are back. In fact the 90s may have been back this whole time, and have already jumped the shark and... er, maybe we shouldn't be mentioning them any more. What's the half-life on irony? Anyway, the reason I mention this at all is because Nora is wearing flannel. And not cozy flannel pajamas, but real life authentic flannel shirt layered over another shirt. At this point Kurt Cobain is probably glad he is dead so he doesn't have to see how lamestream his fashion has become.
So Nora is wearing her flannel and headbanging to Green River while she mops when Saul walks in and points out that if she can see up her own skirt she probably doesn't need to wax any more. Then Saul stomps all over her clean floor to gawk at a photo of Nora, Saul, and Brody. Who is Brody? You know, Brody a.k.a. the guy Nora dated before William. The reason Nora was being followed by a private investigator. Saul can't help but point out that framing a photo secretly taken by a private investigator is kind of weird and unsettling, but Nora pooh poohs the idea. Besides there was a sale on frames at Marshall's, but you had to buy three. So voila! An addition to Saul's mid-century modern mantelpiece. Saul insists that she keep the photo, because really, he had to insist. Besides, she's the one obsessed with this retconned Brody character, not him.
The phone rings and over the din of Mudhoney, Nora yells, "It's Tommy!" and jumps up and down a few times. Or maybe she is moshing. Tommy is just calling to report that he landed and is on his way over with his "surprise." Nora smiles, hangs up, and turns to Saul: "What the hell is he going to spring on us this time?" Very good question, Nora! I am impressed that you remembered that your son is kind of an asshole who steals money and kidnaps his daughter and lies to his wife and shoots blanks. Saul shrugs, but then they both agree that they just really want Tommy back. I disagree. I do not want Tommy back. No I do not. Not even a little. Please let his surprise be that he is moving to Sri Lanka. Please?
Sarah is trying on outfits and settles on the most spectacularly MOM shirt ever. It is a button up with perpetually rolled up sleeves and is too big and is boxy and she is layering it over a camisole. That doesn't make it sexy, Sarah! In the immortal words of the Fug Girls: Oh honey, no. Before she can come to her senses and realize that the best way to keep a man many years your junior who has just been "painting a mural" in China for two months, is with Saran Wrap, a bottle of champagne, and an older woman's bedroom wisdom, Luc shows up. Surprise! Sarah was just getting dressed to go pick him up at the airport! He took a cab because that early onset Alzheimer's of Sarah's seems to have made her forget this flight got in an hour ago. She throws herself into his arms, but the phone rings and since she is a Walker, she is genetically incapable of NOT answering it. Obviously it's Nora who is determined to yakkity yak about what Tommy's potential surprise could be even though Sarah begged her to talk quickly because her homme is home.
Being wise to the ways of the Walkers, Luc does the only "sane" thing: He calls Justin, who is busy pushing a gurney down a hospital hallway and asks him to call Nora and get her off the phone with Sarah. The lunatics are running the asylum, people! Justin ditches the gurney and calls Nora, who hangs up on Sarah in the hopes of Tommy news from Justin.
Sarah jumps back into Luc's arms and he, of course, being French, removes the ugly shirt before kissing her. If he's smart he'll "accidentally" clean the toilet with it. Nora continues the conversation with Justin as if there never was a person named Sarah. Justin wanders over to where Annie is working and after confirming to Nora that she is indeed his girlfriend (he pinned her last night! totally dirty!) and that she is indeed joining them for an undoubtedly fun-filled Walker family supper, he pretends to lose reception to get off the damn phone with Nora.
Justin says hello to Annie and reminds her about their softball game after work. Annie is surprised to see him, but not as surprised as Justin is to see Dr. Africa lurking and loitering. Even though Dr. Africa was kind enough to get Justin acquitted or whatever you call it when the medical board decides to drop charges, Justin has no qualms about greeting him with outright hostility and a hint of malice. Why is the guy there all the damn time? Um, Justin? He works there. You are a paramedic and should be in your damn ambulance already. Dr. Africa seconds my opinion, and then gleefully rains on Justin's softball game by joining it. You see, the pitcher hurt himself and Dr. Africa just happens to be an excellent pitcher. Annie seconds that opinion and Justin looks increasingly pissed. As Dr. Africa walks off, Justin tells Annie that he doesn't like that guy. She pretends it's no big thing and that they are just friends. Justin doesn't believe her for a second, but promises to ignore Dr. Africa if she does, too.