Kitty's wedding prep this week involves buying bridesmaid dresses with Sarah and Rebecca, lusting over a hot new wedding dress when she knows she's committed to wearing Nora's old Moonie frock, and trying to schedule dancing lessons around an uninterested Robert's schedule. Nora looks up an old boyfriend and asks him out to dinner, and after that goes well, she asks him to Kitty's wedding. He looks an awful lot like Chevy Chase, this guy, except he's kind of endearing so I guess it's not him.
Meanwhile, Julia comes home and wants to start over with Tommy, which is bully for him, but it leaves Lena the Maneater free to sink her claws into Justin, even though recovery dictates that he shouldn't be dating. This, of course, bugs Rebecca, leading Holly to finally tell her to stop being such a wishy-washy pushover when it comes to the Walkers. So at the next dress fitting, she's all, "Kitty? These dresses are ugly. And you clearly want the hot new wedding dress so just buy it already." So Kitty does, and Nora's cool about it, and then Robert makes a grand romantic gesture involving the Hollywood Bowl, Lyle Lovett, and slow dancing. Whatever, their wedding is still doomed.
Elsewhere, Sarah gets business-courted by Steven Weber, who wants to move Ojai into the Asian market and also into the government subsidies market, but it's all just laying the groundwork for finding Sarah a new boyfriend. And finally, Kevin and Scotty finally hook up like we figured they would, but it's all very sweet. It does, however, throw Kevin into a crisis of conscience, which he manages to solve by doing the actual mature thing and breaking up with Jason. Okay, so he does it over the phone, but the man in is Malaysia, what do you want? So it's Kevin and Scotty, together again. Wonder what they'll fight about this time.
Previously, Julia and the baby left Tommy for the dry heat of Arizona, leaving him to the wet heat of Lena and oh my God I did not think that metaphor was going to go there and I am so sorry. Anyway, Tommy finally broke it off with Lena, but not before she began to cultivate a Walker Plan B with Justin. Rebecca opened up old wounds with Sarah when she confessed her part in L'Affaire du Guitar Lesson, then opened up new wounds with Justin after she narced on him. And Kitty told Robert that she doesn't want to wait any longer to bring another McCallister into the world, and Robert figured that pretending he also wants to have a child when he really doesn't was the smart move.
Nighttime at the Walker Manse, and the collected Walkers (sans Rebecca) are helping Kitty pick out a song for her and Robert's first dance. The choices she's scrolling through on her laptop -- "From This Moment," "A Moment Like This," "Because You Loved Me" -- are all lacking. Kitty particularly takes objection to "Because You Loved Me" because it's in the past tense. I'd take objection to "A Moment Like This" because I'll be damned if the first dance of my marriage of going to be tainted by thoughts of Ryan Seacrest. Kitty laments that Robert's not that into the wedding planning because he's done it all before, and Justin compares it to "doing the steps a second time," which reminds him that he has to apologize to Rebecca. I'll say he does. Nora assures him that nobody's going to hold a person's intervention-day rantings against them. So...I guess that whole "turning a new leaf" thing where Nora wasn't going to coddle Justin anymore didn't take, huh?
Anyway, everybody has a suggestion for wedding songs, including Nora advocating for "that Dixie Chicks song," which Kitty shoots down because: Republican wedding. Kevin makes the salient point that ruling out the music of the damned leaves you with nothing but Ted Nugent, Skynyrd, and ZZ Top. Sarah says that, despite being a Democrat, she lost her virginity to "She's Got Legs." "TMI!" screams the family, in unison, as if the Latin word for "overshare" isn't in the family crest already. This leads to everyone reminiscing about the songs that accompanied their first times. Tommy's, for example, was the Dirty Dancing theme, which is rightfully mocked for its gayness. Justin refuses to share, but Nora's like, "Oh please, it was Pink Floyd's 'The Wall' and it was with Gabby Kliner in the tenth grade." Okay, first of all: "The Wall"? Hot. Second of all, either Justin wasn't discreet or Nora didn't keep The Tonight Show at an appropriate child-sex-drowning-out volume. Either way, not good enough. Staying in the dark about your family members' sex lives is something we all need to work at. Kevin says he has two first-sex songs, one with a girl and one with a guy. I wonder how he was able to get power to a CD player up in that treehouse at Ojai? Robert shows up before Kevin can admit to losing it to Paula Abdul and the original cast recording of Into The Woods, respectively, and they get him to admit that his first time was to "Endless Love." Everyone groans all, "Of course it was, Senator Too-Perfect."
Robert has "bad news" for Kitty: Jason told him he can't make it to the wedding. Kevin's surprised to hear that Robert has spoken to Jason, twice in fact, while he still hasn't heard a word from him. Yeah, that's really bad, I have to say. Robert seems to think "he's my best man" is a good enough reason, but it's totally not. "Well, the next time you two chat, maybe tell him his committed, monogamous, yet highly-sought-after boyfriend says hi," Kevin snits. Robert looks at him like, "I can try, but I don't want to sound queer." Actually, Robert instead changes the subject entirely, distracting us from Kevin's pain with news that Kitty's signed them up for dance lessons. Kitty's two left feet must be well-known throughout the family, because they all laugh at her. Nora blurts out, "'Pretty Woman'!" That's the song she lost her virginity to in the back seat of a Cutlass owned by one "Stan Harris," a draft-dodging hippie who Nora knew from high school. Everyone's all grossed out by the thought of their mother doing it with someone, particularly a non-Dad someone, but Nora's just pleased as punch to be recounting this. Hey, it's better than imagining her listening outside Justin's door while he's having his first Great Gig In The Sky. By the time she gets to explaining the backseat mechanics of Stan being tall and her being short, her children hustle out of the living room, lest they hear her utter some horrifically descriptive term like "Iowa City Rowboat" and lose their vision entirely.