Justin and Annie (I figured out her name, aren't you, like, so proud that I have realized my full IMDB potential?) are having a super romantic moment in the hospital break room complete with classic music, Diet Cokes and candles. Way to make anyone else who wants to take a break feel awkward, Justin! They are mid-smooch when some pencil pusher with a Bic up his butt turns on the light, marches in and demands that Annie give testimony about an ill-advised procedure she witnessed during a certain paramedic ride along. Justin gulps, but doesn't want his lady friend to feel uncomfortable, so he jumps in front of the bullet of HR hell and admits it was him, but that there must be some mistake. The pencil pusher assures him there is no mistake and he has to go justify his life-saving medical procedure in front of the board. Adding insult to injury, the guy then snuffs the candle as a fire hazard. Justin offers to help him remove the pen from his ass, but the guy is not interested, thank you very much.
Annie and Justin both look stunned at this turn of events, because obviously they don't watch this show very often [either] and thus didn't realize that the only reason they would linger on some medical procedure is not to prove Justin is totally kickass as a paramedic, but to create fodder for additional shows. It's just how the self-generating script machine works. No worries, though, because Annie has a doctor "friend" who has been through this exact thing before. Does Justin want to talk to her "friend"? Note: Annie does not make air quotes, but they are implied.
Holly is not thrilled about the idea of being "Nora Walkered" to New York, while Nora is not thrilled about being turned into a verb. Puh-lease, Nora, that's like the highest form of compliment ever. Like if someone was Charlie Sheened we all know what that means, right? Or if they got Mel Gibsoned? Or Lohaned? Nora objects because one, look at the company she would be keeping if she got turned into a verb, two, she has Holly's best intentions at heart! They are friends, they have a history, Nora wants Holly to be happy! If Holly doesn't want to move to New York than she can just stay at Walker Manor until Nora drives her batty. Then Holly can kill her with a yoga mat and a Sur La Table gift certificate (use your imagination, please) and find some well-deserved peace and quiet in the women's correctional facility in Big Sur. Nora nods eagerly.
Saul is working his last shift at the very subtly named Gay and Lesbian Center when wouldn't you know it: Jonathan shows up. Saul measures the opportunity cost of sneering and risks the wrinkles and goes for it. Jonathan pretends not to notice and instead thinks it would be lovely to see Saul around the place. Saul shrugs that it's not going to happen. He's done. He doesn't even pretend to be fake nice, but Jonathan still doesn't notice. Geez, Jonathan, go buy a clue! You give someone the HIV and don't even care enough to send the very best Hallmark card and think they still want to be friends with you? Oh hells to the no. As they say in Nantucket.
After finding Paige with her virtue in question and the family named SHAMED beyond repair (which is a lot for this family), Scotty and Kevin did the only logical thing: Call Sarah in full panic and lock Paige into her Monchichi briefs and keep her under constant surveillance until mom arrives. As Scotty and Kevin fill Sarah in on her daughter's crimes and their failings as parents, Sarah looks more bemused than horrified and shamed. She laughs that it is no biggie that Paige was alone in a room with no chaperone. She does it all the time and doesn't have the herp yet, plus, Sarah got her the HPV vaccine. Sarah laughs merrily that Paige has known the boy, Philip, since kindergarten and Sarah is pretty sure that he bats for Kevin and Scotty's team. Then she laughs again and tells them that when they are parents they will have to learn to chillax. Scotty and Kevin nod, but then correct her: The boy's name wasn't Philip, it was Sean. Sarah's eyes get really wide as she asks if he is a football player. Scotty and Kevin confirm her fears and she runs off to KILL KILL KILL. Isn't it funny what they did there? How Sarah told them to chillax and then she didn't chillax? Ha ha ha! Geez, Sarah, chillax!
You remember when Nora had a secret job because she couldn't pay the bills and was at the florist's beck and call and was out of the house for hours on end and busy busy busy working for the (wo)man? Well she is making up for the leisure time she lost while running the old rat race. She is making leisure her job. And she is taking Holly with her kicking and screaming. Holly is trying to recover from a very early visit to the Farmer's Market (Nora brought her flashlight to pick the best produce), when Nora zips into the room, throws open the blinds and insists Holly start doing her yoga "practice".
An aside: Why is it whenever I go to a yoga class they insist on calling it "my yoga practice" like it's a doll wasting away at a strip mall Value Village store next to My Little Buddy and My Favorite Martian memorabilia? Well, at least that's what my yoga practice would be doing. My point is, why isn't it just a class? Like if I did spinning (and trust me, I don't) I would not be in a spinning practice, I would just be riding a bicycle in place while a spandex-clad skinny person shrieked at me that an imaginary hill was coming. It would be annoying, but it would not be a practice. Anyway.
Nora is not letting her yoga practice loiter or linger. She hands Holly a mid-morning cocktail, which, much to Holly's chagrin, is actually just beet-carrot-ginger juice. Nora flings open her mat and starts downward facing dogging while listing the rest of the day's agenda: Museum to see the Aztec art collection and then a hike. Holly points out that she had a traumatic brain injury VERY recently (or not, who knows! time flies in Walkerlandia) and she would like to rest and meditate on remembering her daughter exists (or not, who knows! Rebecca is pretty annoying). Actually, Holly does not mention the traumatic brain injury, but she should, right? Like, I would whip that puppy out whenever possible to get myself out of things like yoga practice. Instead Holly just grumpily says hell no, while Nora downward dogs and talks making dinner from scratch and prattles on about how much she loves having a roommate.
Kitty is taking Evan to see The Senator's children in Washington, D.C. It's a two week trip, which Sarah thinks is a bit excessive, but Kitty thinks is not nearly long enough. In fact, the trip is open ended and she will be taking meetings and may or may not come back. Sarah manages not to strangle her immediately, but calmly asks if she has told Nora her new plan yet? Good move, Sarah, let Nora strangle her! She doesn't have young children. Although Sarah may appreciate the time away from Cooper and Paige. Kitty then admits that she hasn't even told The Barista that she is going away for two weeks and maybe the rest of her life. Note to self: Never get in a relationship with Kitty. Sarah asks her if she is losing her fucking mind, but Kitty assures her that she is in full control of her faculties. But there's a soupçon of the cray cray on Kitty's face, so you know she is up to something. Sarah doesn't call her on it, though, probably because getting far far away from crazy people is just a good life choice.
The Ikea desk is getting the best Scotty and Kevin, when they find something even more aggravating than instructions in Swedish: Their adorable daughter-to-be stole Scotty's wallet. Jill, the social worker, called to tell them the good news and request they come on down because they are about to face their first pop quiz in Parenting 101. It's really a good thing none of these people have jobs. I mean, really, it's the middle of the day and not a single Walker is working.
Even Justin the paramedic is just loitering around the hospital in his uniform instead of actually working. Annie introduces him to her "friend" Rick wh