Abandon Hope All Ye Enter Here. The Senator does not have his shirt on. THIS IS WHAT WE ARE LOSING NEXT SEASON. Who are we supposed to ogle and objectify (obgle?) WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US?? What did we ever do to you? Well, except for mocking the occasional storyline and Kevin's hair. Harumph. So The Senator is shirtless and fundraising for Kitty's senatorial campaign, and, really, is there much in this world that is hotter than a topless man gathering heaps of cash? I don't know how Kitty is controlling herself. Oh, she has her glasses on. She is being sensible and professional, not throwing her smokin' hot senator on the couch and validating his election results if you know what I mean. Kitty is talking to Sarah, who is also wearing her sensible and professional glasses. I'm starting to think it is National Myopia Awareness Day and instead of a colored ribbon pin, everyone has to wear glasses to show their support. So Sarah can't go to Nora's tonight because she has a pretend life and a not-hot date with Roy to a movie. For some reason, Kitty is really unimpressed with the whole concept of movie-going as a recognized dating activity. But this sentiment is probably simply jealousy because Calista's last role in a recognizable movie was in that fucking dreadful remake of Les Cages Aux Folles with Robin "Hairy Hands" Williams. Before that it was "acting student" in Naked in New York. So the silver screen has not been overwhelmingly kind to Calista, so she may be down on movie dates unless they star Harrison Ford and who the heck is going to see Extraordinary Measures on a date night? The trailer makes me cry like a wee baby. Anyway, Kitty claims that the reason she doesn't accept a movie as, like, a totally normal thing to do on a date, is because you can't have sex during a movie. I mean look at what happened to Pee Wee Herman. And he was by himself. Sarah points out that not everyone needs to have sex on a date. She's in a mature relationship and they haven't been dating that long. Kitty reminds her it has been a month. The timeline on this show is completely confusing to me. So despite the fact that The Senator is on the phone with a potential major campaign donor, Kitty asks him how many dates they went on before they had sex. The Senator doesn't even have the decency to cover the phone with his hand and blurts, "One?" Kitty is pretty sure she wasn't that big of a slut, but The Senator is pretty sure she was. He reminds her about the high heels and the push-up bras. Kitty in a push up bra? While I am no Dolly Parton, Kitty wearing a push up bra is truly aspirational. It's like hoping some lift will bring Pangea back together. Sorry honey unless you add some land mass, those continents are staying put. The Senator realizes he is still on the phone. After overhearing that little tidbit, the donor offers up a million bucks. Senator McSlutty is in the running! Kitty can't believe that strangers are giving her money to run a campaign. A campaign she hasn't even mentioned to her family yet! Oopsie daisy! That's a whole fucking bouquet of oopsie daisies. It's been a month since she decided to run and she seems to talk to her various and sundry family members twelve times a day and she just forgot to mention it? Huh. The Senator thinks it might be a good idea to mention it to the Walkers at some point. Or, you know, not. Kitty is wearing this face like, yeah, maybe it would be a good idea to mention it to her family. Which is the stupidest thing I have ever seen.
Scotty's restaurant has been hit by the economic downturn and he is mopety moping about it. He is sitting at the bar staring at an empty dining room and is pretty convinced that they are going to turn his restaurant into a Banana Republic when they are run out of business. This seems likely. Nora won't abide any down-in-the-dumps talks from Scotty and completely ignores the fact that restaurants have a survival rate of five years and if your place is empty at lunch time that is probably a really really bad sign. Instead, she honest to god says "grey skies are going to clear up" and it is a credit to Scotty's upbringing that he did not just up and throttle her. But Nora has a plan, you see. A plan that will definitely solve all of Scotty's problems: she and the illustrious Mayor of Los Angeles will be guest chefs in Scotty's kitchen. Because, clearly, if people aren't going to try Scotty's famous curry gougeres, they will definitely want to try his mother-in-law's rack of lamb. And, I am sure they elected the mayor for his culinary prowess. Although, I can understand the draw of the mayor or at least the publicity such a stunt would garner, I really and truly do not understand why Nora Walker would be either a draw or a publicity stunt. I mean, why not just have Lady Gaga do it and then this show can officially be stupid. Just sayin'. Anyway, Scotty has his head down on the bar, moaning, when Kevin walks in and wonders what is wrong with his husband. Nora explains he's just being a big baby and the mere mention of the "b word" throws Scotty over an emotional cliff and he starts flashing back to living in a car and being homeless and trying to do that with a baby. Kevin reminds Nora that they find out on Monday whether or not Michelle is pregnant. Kevin finally gets around to trying to cheer Scotty up and swears that as god is his witness they will wow the palates of Pasadena tomorrow night. Palates of Pasadena would be a crap band name, too. Although I bet you there is a gifts n' baskets store in Pasadena called that. Scotty perks up and reminds Kevin that he will not be joining them tomorrow night because it is his 20th high school reunion and for some reason Kevin has to go even though he hated high school and never wants to see them again. For some reason this does not matter to Scotty. The 20 year reunion is somehow critical to Kevin's happiness much more than seeing his husband and mother work together to please the Pasadena Palate (tm).
Later at Walker Manor, everyone is reminding Kevin that he hated high school, but still really want him to go to his reunion. If you hated high school and aren't friends with anyone from those days either in real life or on Facebook, why force yourself to mingle awkwardly over watery cocktails? Stay home and watch High School Musical instead. The Walkers are all teasing Kevin and being convivial when Sarah walks in. The rooms goes silent. Everyone turns to stare at her and sure enough, there is no Scarlet Letter burning on her shoulder. She did not get laid. Oh the shame! Oh the humanity! She has let her family down again. They have no choice but to vote her out of the family for this final humiliation. Everyone makes hissing noises and backs away from her, hoping they don't catch whatever vile disease she obviously has to make her so unattractive to the opposite sex. Sarah raises an eyebrow at her entire family and then changes the subject back to Kevin and why he is not going to his high school reunion. Kitty claims that her failure to win the class presidency is the greatest shame (until Sarah's inability to seal the deal) that has ever rained down on this family. So she wouldn't go to her reunion, but Kevin should still go to his. As the boring ass dessert of baked apples is handed out, Kitty finally finds an opportunity to tell her family that she is running for the senate. Nora hilariously asks if The Senator knows that she's doing that. But, now that I think about the history of those two and their inability to openly communicate even the most basic facts of their lives, it is actually just sad. Anyway, the Walkers are not exactly jumping up and down in excitement over the prospect of having Kitty represent their interests in the U.S. Senate. Nora has her "Justin's eatin' beans" face on and then someone suggests they take a vote just like they did about the old family vacation. So they all write down their votes on little pieces of paper and Saul reads the results. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and a big old NO. Everyone turns to stare at Nora. J