Scotty is sound asleep on the couch when Kevin tracks him down for an early morning booty call. In the living room? With a near-tween and a baby within five feet of you? And the TV isn't on Noggin? Oh man, don't let the adoption facilitator find out about this! As Scotty sleepily explains that baby Daniel kept him up and Kevin is groping him, the phone rings. Yes, Kevin was going for it with his Bluetooth headset on, which, gay or straight, has GOT to be a dealbreaker. I mean, ew. There are SOME rules that are universal. Also, if we all work together we can ensure that no one wearing a Bluetooth headset ever has sex again. It worked so well when we all banded against those pleated khaki pants wearers! Just say no, people. It's what Nancy Reagan was talking about.
Scotty wakes up enough to realize what almost happened and hits Kevin on the head saying, "Ew! Ew!" We can't have a series finale without one last Walker phone tree. So Kevin is on the phone (hands free!) and is reassuring Sarah that everything is okay. Then Kitty is on the other line and wants to talk to Kevin, but not about wedding stuff. Just call her whenever he gets a minute. Then Paige calls and begs Kevin to convince Sarah to let her invite her boyfriend to the wedding. Sarah says no and Kevin hangs up on Paige. Then Sarah asks about the hotel and asks whether Justin is still sleeping with the manager. Then Sarah hangs up and calls Luc who is lying in bed claiming he is excited to see his parents when Cooper runs in and starts jumping up and down on him. Wait, wait, Sarah saddled Luc with her children on his last night of bachelorhood? And she doesn't think THAT will jinx the marriage?
So Cooper is reenacting the finer points of Hop on Pop on Luc's well-toned abs and then Paige barrels into the room demanding that Sarah let her boyfriend come to the wedding. Sarah tells Luc to handle it. Welcome to married life, bitch! The Walker phone tree is apparently genetic because Paige is now putting Sarah on hold to call Olivia who wanders into the living room to find Kevin and Scotty engaged in a little over-the-clothes action on the couch. SCOTTY: HE STILL HAS HIS BLUETOOTH ON!! Olivia ignores her dads rounding third and asks if they are guilt addled enough to help Paige get her boyfriend on the guest list if she asks nicely and makes puppy dog eyes. They don't fall for it and remind her that it is not their business.
Then Saul calls and the first thing he says is, "Don't panic." While I initially think that he is quoting Douglas Adams, an activity of which I highly approve, he is in fact simply telling Kevin not to panic. That, of course, is the worse thing to say to someone. So Kevin starts to panic before Saul even has a chance to explain that it's just a little mix up and the wedding cake isn't coming. Kevin's head starts to slowly spin, but Saul is an excellent businessman and has informed Kevin of the problem, but also has already come up with a solution! He and Jonathan stayed up all night and made dozens and dozens of cupcakes. Instead of thanking them for their above-and-beyond effort, Kevin makes an end of the world face and whines, "Cuuuupcakkkkesss! Sarah's going to kill me!" Saul at least has the decency to tell him to shut it and then hangs up on him. Kevin grabs Olivia's phone and asks Paige to hand her phone to Luc, but then Nora calls before Kevin can get an up or down vote from the Frenchman who is being body slammed by Cooper.
Kevin hangs up on him to talk to Nora leaving it ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that Luc will flee the bonds of matrimony and bodyslamming proto Stone Cold Steve Austins and return to the solitary life of an artist in a French barn. Nora is calling to check in. She is looking for "something old" for Sarah to wear down the aisle, but she is distracted by all the canoodling that Brody is doing to her neck so she has to hang up. These people! Can't they just think, "Do I have time for this phone call?" for a minute before picking up the phone?
Brody stops licking Nora's neck long enough to notice that she still has the necklace he gave her way back when. They are about to get all wistful and schmoopy, but Sarah interrupts them with her surprise arrival and her (non-surprise) very disappointed facial expression. Brody quickly steps two paces back from her mother, announces he is just leaving, and congratulates her on her wedding day. Sarah gives him her most serious Look of Dismay until he flees. She wanted to pick out her "something old" with her mother, but now she sees she has made a grave error. Not that she's leaving or anything, she's just going to furrow her brow and sigh a lot.