Brody swings by Walker Manor, again. I guess they are trying to keep up the pretense that they aren't seeing each other and/or living together by making him stay in the RV? And do these two remember that Sarah has seen them together approximately a bazillion times? Let the man move into a house with a working toilet for crying out loud! Brody is just stopping by to see how beautiful Nora looks on their daughter's wedding day. I guess he really has taken to this father thing? Or, you know, he has found the ULTIMATE pick-up line. Nora sighs, "What a mess!" and leans in for a hug.
Kitty barrels down the stairs and interrupts them. Kitty introduces herself to Brody. Oh that's right, they never met because Kitty spent six months in Boston touring Faneuil Hall, over and over and over again. She sort of apologizes to Brody that Sarah is being so unreasonable and won't let him come to the wedding, but he says it's fine and then Kitty and Nora depart for the church. You see, Sarah forgot to diet before her wedding and now, despite the two layers of Spanx, they can't zip the wedding dress. Nora struggles with the zipper while Kitty pretends she's not going to ralph in the corner. Pregnancy hormones! Let's pause for a moment and talk about Sarah's outfit. She is not wearing white, but has opted for a pale peach-y champagne color. It's a calf-length, strapless dress with a heart-shaped neckline and some insane lace pattern on the skirt. It's a nice dress, but it's not especially flattering. And her tiny little baby veil that only covers a portion of her honkin' huge Cinnabon hair bun is not helping the situation. She pretty much looks like a bridesmaid who didn't get to pick out her own dress. So Kitty goes to pray to the porcelain god on the pretense that nerves are making her barfy (who believes that?) and then Kevin barges in because it is time.
Downstairs, Tommy (*shudder*) is trying to remember which side the bride is supposed to be on for her walk down the aisle, but Justin, like the rest of us decent folk, are not listening to him. Tommy eventually notices and Justin confesses that he just dumped Tyler, like five minutes ago. Tommy claims they were just teasing him about dating a married lady, but Justin sadly knows it is true and since he doesn't want to be yet another in a long line of Walker homewreckers, he had no choice. Tommy recommends he just hook up with some drunken desperate girl at the wedding. On cue, a girl in a skin tight dress with boobage spilling out the top walks into the church. She eyes Justin up and down and upon realizing that there is no bar in church, heads towards the bathroom. Who is she? Are we pretending that the Walkers have friends again? That's so cute how they do that.
Upstairs Luc and Cooper are having some bonding time. Cooper wants to know if Luc is sad about his dad not being there, but Luc claims with Cooper as his best man, he will be fine. Cooper is his best man? No wonder the bachelor party was so debauched! That kid is an eight-year old frat boy. Proving my point, when Kevin comes in and asks if Cooper has the rings, he pulls the whole oh-no-oh-no-oh-I-do-have-the-rings thing that is in every single movie about a wedding ever. Okay, maybe they skipped that part in "The Godfather." Then Luc's mother comes in and offers him his father's cufflinks. He is cold and distant and tells her to go sit down.
Kitty finally found the ladies' room and wanders in to puke in peace, but unfortunately she won't get that because the random girl is in there yakking it up about how Kitty looks hungover, no, flu-ish, no, preggers! Yes! Kitty is totally pregnant. That's when Paige comes out of the stall (where she was prodigiously stuffing her bra with toilet paper) and is all, "Aunt Kitty, you're pregnant?!" Kitty quickly assures her that she's not and then helps shove more toilet paper down her dress top. She knows from bra-stuffing, right?
Random Girl leaves the bathroom and finds Sarah tearing down the hallway looking for Kitty. The dress is not doing her figure any favors at all. Sarah asks Random Girl if her sister is in there and the girl says, "I don't know. Is she the pregnant girl?" Then Paige comes out and for some reason (wedding-induced insanity? Crappy writing?) Sarah decides that Paige is pregnant! Kevin assures her that she is crazy and Paige is not knocked up. Then queasy Kitty comes out of the bathroom, but even at the sight of her barfing bridesmaid Sarah is still convinced it's Paige. The gathered crowd of extras sit in the church as the music swells. The wedding party is waiting. ...and Sarah takes a moment because Kitty is puking, Luc's not talking to his mother, and Paige is pregnant! She can't take it. She is going to walk around the block. Because this is what new Sarah does. Weird, random shit for no apparent reason other than self-absorption and crazy voices talking in her head.
As "Ave Maria" plays, the Walkers are all milling about the church chit chatting, Luc looks tense (obvs), and Nora is just standing there and is not demanding answers or looking for Sarah. Which is the least believable thing I have ever seen on this show ever. Can you imagine Nora not storming the halls looking for Sarah and then chasing her down the damn street? Bah!
Sarah is walking down the sidewalk breathing deeply and flinging her arms in the air, not looking at all sane. That's when she sees the RV. Because Brody drove his freakin' RV and got a parking space right outside the church. He swings open the door and invites Sarah in for a beer. Oh show, you used to be better than this. Brody claims that he just wanted to see his daughter get married. You know, he always had a suspicion she was his daughter. Sarah AND THE ENTIRE VIEWING AUDIENCE look surprised. Then what unfolds is one of the greatest incidents of retconning ever: Brody tells Sarah that he went to her high school graduation, just 'cause he had a hankering. Then he saw her perform in Oklahoma! in the park. *cough* bullshit *cough* Sarah looks ...touched? Confused? Bemused? Brody looks satisfied at his confession and then he comments on Sarah's necklace. She looks grateful for the change of subject and says it is Nora's and it's her "something old" even though Nora thinks it's tacky. Brody smiles that he always liked it. That's why he got it from his mom and gave it to hers. Sarah just about passes out at the overwhelming stench of retcon BS and then hyperventilates and mutters something like, "I'm afraid I'm going to fall." To which Brody replies, "I'll catch ya." What the hell are they talking about? Who knows! And at this point I don't care.
So Sarah returns to the church with Brody on her arm and he walks her down the aisle in his flannel shirt and blue jeans. Everyone is touched and Nora is overwhelmed with emotion. Sally Field really is an amazing actress that it almost makes this scene even remotely believable. Also, baby Daniel is sound asleep in Scotty's arms: Awwwwwwww. Then Luc and Sarah get married. Awwwwwwwwww.
At the reception, everyone gets answers. Sarah confirms that Paige is not pregnant when Kitty informs her that her breasts haven't blossomed due to hormones, but, rather, toilet paper. This is a really great storyline. Luc finds out that the reason his father didn't come to the wedding was not, actually, his mother. Instead, his dad is broke and was too embarrassed to tell Luc. So embarrassed that he would rather not come to his only son's wedding, I guess. Luc's mother went along with it because she didn't want anything to tarnish Luc's image of his father. Since he already hated her, she figured she would take the blame. She owed that much to him. But not enough to lend his dad the money? Whatever, show. Luc apologizes for blaming her, sort of, and they are friends again.
Over at the cupcake pyramid, Jonathan is still in a cloud of happiness and joy while Saul is still pouting over the fact that they are not looking at a traditional wedding cake. It's not traditional! Saul can't handle it! Jonathan tells him to get over it already, but Saul snaps that