Buffy the Vampire Slayer
All The Way

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Baby Baby Oh Baby

Cut to Zack pulling some dead guy out of a sedan. A. Sedan. Yup. This isn't your sire's Oldsmobile.

Buffy walks down the street contemplating stuff as she wistfully watches the happy children and happy couples. She's distracted by some sirens and wanders over to see some paramedics wheel a woman (with very obvious fang marks on her neck) into an ambulance.

Phone rings at the Summers's. Giles answers it. It's Forehead's mother. Uh oh! The jig is up. After finishing up the conversation, Giles goes into the living room where Willow and Xanya are shaking their groove things. Tara sits alone on the couch. Giles shuts off the stereo, to mild protest, and explains the situation. He dispatches Willow and Tara to go downtown to look for Dawn while Xanya holds down the fort and Giles heads over to Spike's.

Forehead and Zack spill out of the hijacked car and go to make out in the woods or something, leaving Dawn and Jake inside. Dawn vainly tries to make small talk. She worries that Jake might want his jacket back, but he brushes her off with, "Cold doesn't really bother me." Dawn jokes that Jake is Superman. He quips, "No. But I do have a few special powers." Dude. Wall-eye is not a special power. He leans in for a kiss, but Dawn fumbles for the radio. Jake notices that Dawn is shaking and oh god just kiss already. The only people most teenagers are remotely interesting to are other teenagers. I have zero interest in this storyline. "I just wanna taste you," murmurs Cliff. I don't know what's creepier: that line as uttered by an ostensibly sixteen-year-old boy, the fact that Dawn falls for it, or the fact that Cliff hasn't blinked in the past two minutes.

Ugh. We're back to more kissing. These two look more like they're passing a golf ball back and forth between their lips than kissing. Yeah. It's just as unattractive as it sounds. Dawn pulls back into a little blissful puddle of goo. She catches her breath, and Skip quickly realizes that that was Dawn's first kiss. Dawn tries to play it off, but caves under a look from Skip. She immediately starts listing all the things she did wrong, ending with, "And I'm pretty sure I drooled on you." Why stop there? I'm pretty sure she drooled on two thirds of the viewing audience. Duncan pulls Dawn into another kiss and assures her that it was perfect.

Bronze. It's a Halloween bonanza. Willow and Tara walk through the dance floor, looking askance at a couple attired as Luke and Leia and dancing rather, uh, suggestively. "Do they know they're brother and sister?" asides Willow to Tara. Tara wonders if Dawn really would be here but Willow says that "it's where [Willow would] be if [she were] fifteen and on the lam." Except not her, of course, because at fifteen she was a "spaz." Good to see that Willow's self-perception isn't skewed or anything. Willow and Tara head up the stairs to the catwalk. Willow complains about not being able to find Dawn in the throng of hormones and bad outfits, and begins to chant. Tara demands of Willow, "What are you doing?" Willow, extremely nonchalantly, explains that she's simply gonna move everyone who isn't fifteen and a girl into another dimension for just a moment. I mean, duh. So does Willow know a spell for everything? That seems pretty damn specific. If I asked her for a spell to, say, find the cell phone plan with the best coverage and value for my consumer dollar, could she do that too? So could a good spreadsheet, but…anyway, Tara looks absolutely shocked at Willow's intention. Willow completely doesn't get why anyone would think that it's maybe a bad idea to shift everyone in the Bronze to an alternate dimension. Right! It's not like Willow has ever had trouble with that sort of spell before. Aside from Willow's reckless disregard for the safety of innocent people, what is so frightening is her absolute confidence. Her hubris doesn't allow her to consider the ramifications, or even the possibility, of failure. Tara pipes up with, "What would Giles say?" Angry, Willow casts some sort of mute spell and the background noise vanishes. "Are you taking his side now?" she rages at Tara. She accuses Tara of talking to Giles about her behind her back. Tara reaches into her back pocket and pulls out her spine, spitting out that Willow's involvement with magic is becoming dangerous. "What do you want me to do? Just, just sit back and keep my mouth shut?" "That'd be a good start," snaps Willow. "If I didn't love you so damn much I would," retorts an obviously peeved Tara. She turns on her heel to leave and angrily reverses Willow's mute spell.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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