Buffy the Vampire Slayer
All The Way

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Baby Baby Oh Baby

Dawn. Kip. Kissing. Lip mikes cranked up to ten. Cameron accidentally bites her. More smooching. Dawn runs her hand up Trip's arm and then up to his face. The camera angle changes to show that he's now wearing his vamp face. Granted, I don't go around playing much tonsil hockey with vampires at my age, but wouldn't you feel the transformation? Dawn opens her eyes wide in surprise. Well, I guess this should clear up any nagging doubts as to Dawn's familial ties to Buffy. It proves that they really are sisters. Sisters who obviously have as their family motto, "Vampires. Not just for staking anymore!"

Buffy barges into Spike's crypt, but he's nowhere to be found. She calls out to him, and he steps out from the shadows somewhere, busting on her for not knocking, then asks if Giles has caught up to her. After he expositions the Dawn situation, Buffy strides to a chest and tosses Spike a crossbow, saying, "We have to find her."

One of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. Giles plods through the mist, waving his flashlight beam around. He hears a girl scream and doesn't run, but rather briskly jogs in the direction it's coming from. He shines his light onto a vamp feeding off a teen girl backed up against a tree; he assumes it's Dawn and backhands the vamp with his flashlight. Giles goes to check on the girl and discovers Forehead. I don't know how Giles even knew her, but there you have it. By this time Zack has recovered. He claims that Forehead was asking for it, but what he really means is, "Let's you and me fight now. Old fussy dude." Giles is more than willing to oblige. He gets his ass kicked around a bit, but then remembers that he saw Karate Kid on TBS and does this front-kick thingy that sends Zack into a nearby tree, impaling him with an conveniently-placed branch in the process.

Dawn flees from the car with Todd giving chase. He's all, "I thought we could hang out." Dawn is repulsed, but then he makes with the sweet talk and she's not going anywhere. "It'll only hurt for a second," he reassures her as he bends towards her neck. Dawn lets him because. You see. If you remember. Okay. There's no good reason for Dawn to let him do that, and it's no end of annoying, but that's just what she's about to do until Giles arrives with a quippy "I bet that's what you say to all the girls." That dialogue is…well, I was going to say, "That dialogue is Rip Van Winkle, it's so tired." But then I remembered that Rip actually slept for a hundred years and would presumably be rather well rested, and therefore the metaphor wouldn't work. But then I couldn't think of a literary figure who stayed up for a really, really long time. An Anti-Rip Van Winkle, if you will. Maybe Rip Van Winkle on some sort of coke bender. I don't know. I give up now. Anyway. Todd quickly grabs Dawn by the throat in the hostage hold. Giles purposefully crosses the clearing, saying, "Now you have a choice, son. We can do this the easy way or we can do this the har…" Giles is interrupted by the sudden illumination of headlights. Many vamps get out of their tastefully appointed Cadillac Cateras and Pontiac LeManses and surround him. The hell? Okay. I guess vampires like to make out as much as the next person, but someone is really going to have to explain for me the love for the mid-sized sedan. You're a hot young undead creature of the night. You don't play by society's rules, maaaaaan. Don't tell me that you're going to drive the Subaru Legacy for its roomy interior yet competitive gas mileage.

A host of vamps advances on Giles. A hand claps him on the shoulder, and he starts until he notices that it's attached to Spike. Cue Buffy. As soon as she takes in the situation, she interrogates Dawn: "Were you parking? With a vamp?" Dawn protests that she didn't know about the vamp part; she "just met him." "Oh. So you were parking in the woods with a boy you just met?" snaps Buffy in full mom mode. Bicker bicker. Random vamp who looks a lot like Mort, Harmony's minion, from one of those episodes during The Days Of Chauvinistic Swine And Tubers (also known as Season Four), pipes up with, "Excuse me. Can we fight now?" Buffy asks if anyone is actually here just to make out. A couple of normals slowly raise their hands. Buffy points at them with her stake: "Aw, that's sweet. You run." Heh.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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