Buffy the Vampire Slayer
As You Were

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That old spud of mine

In another car on a totally not-deserted road, Xanya are stuck in traffic, sharing a bag of chips. Anya opines that they actually must have died on the way to the airport and are really now in hell. Xander says that the radio said there was no traffic. "It's a hell radio. Of course it says that," grumps Anya. Heh. Xander gripes about his Uncle Rory. Anya frets that if she's not there to meet some demony friends of hers who are teleporting in soon, "someone's getting incinerated." Xander wonders why they were stupid enough to invite both her friends (demons) and his family (monsters) to stay at their place. Yawn. Booooring.

Buffy and Riley exit the car and walk over to the…huge dam in Sunnydale. More pseudo-banter. Poor Buffy is flirting her little heart out. Buffy and Riley rappel down the side of the dam. Find the demon. Fight the demon. Get their asses almost handed to them. As the demon is momentarily incapacitated, Riley and Buffy almost share a moment with her leaning against the wall of the dam and Riley panting into her face. In the background, a figure in black rappels down the side also. She approaches the duo, and after briefly greeting Riley, shifts her focus to Buffy and asks, "What exactly are you doing with my husband?"

Well, dam! Ha -- see, that's a joke, because there's another shot of the huge dam, and…oh, forget it. Poor Buffy breathes, "Husband?" and then, "Wife," to the two Kute Kommandos, who nod in konfirmation. There's something a little cross-eyed about Riley's wife. We suffer through a few more awkward moments before Riley finally introduces his wife as "Sam." But as so often happens in Sunnydale, there's a demon attack to break up the uncomfortable moment. Sam runs over to punch the demon (which was just throwing Riley and Buffy around like rag dolls) repeatedly with her fists (how is it possible that she's stronger than Buffy and Riley combined?). As she clobbers the demon, Riley and Buffy hang back, discussing the bombshell that just rappelled into their midst. Turns out Sam is Special Forces; she and Riley have been married four months, and Riley "meant to tell" Buffy about it. At some point. Some other point than all the points they experienced while riding in his car together and rappelling down dams, I guess. Buffy looks pretty disheartened. Sam continues to fight the demon. Riley watches her proudly and explains to Buffy that fighting demons brought him and Sam together. Hey, just like it brought Riley and Buffy together! Except that then, Buffy was a big emotional withholder and messed up the relationship and is now reduced to making quips about fast food, supporting a bunch of freeloaders, and hittin' the sheets with Dru's sloppy seconds, whereas Riley and Sam are all happily married and having a career together and shit. Seeing ex-boyfriends can be a real bitch. When the demon throws Sam down, Riley finally joins in with some sort of taser weapon. Buffy mopes by the wall for a little while and then grabs the demon and quickly breaks its neck. It's her turn to be proud, but not for long, since Mutant Enemy hates her this season and she must be humiliated at every turn. She notices that Riley and Sam look totally chagrined. Turns out Mr. and Mrs. Potatohead were on a "homing operation" and didn't want the demon killed. Another thing Riley was meaning to tell Buffy. At some point. I guess. Sam's pretty cool about it, and mocks Riley for not informing Buffy of the mission parameters. Sam talks kinda funny -- like a girl from a seventies sitcom who's from Jersey and wishes she were a boy. Like Jo from Facts of Life! Hmm, I always liked Jo the best. I'm withholding judgment on Sam for now. There's more kute banter, and after slicing open the demon, Sam says they're "too late" for something. However, the Kute Kommandos still don't bother to actually tell Buffy what the hell their mission was. They ask if she has a "safe house," and she offers her own home. They were chasing the demon, not vice-versa. The demon is dead. Wouldn't a Sunnydale coffee shop be about as safe a house as they need? Riley promises, "I'll fill you in. On everything."

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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