We open on two pairs of legs walking. The camera pans up to reveal that one pair belongs to a woman, and the other to a beefy man in a black t-shirt, jeans, and a cowboy hat. We're at the mall, and classical music plays in the background. For reasons that will become clear, I'm surprised they didn't accompany the opening shot with some music that's more "Yee-Ha! Let's Hogtie This Stereotype!" You know, something with a banjo or a player piano. But we've got plenty of time for blatant pigeonholing. We move up a level to find Buffy begging her mom for some clothes. Joyce says the outfit in question makes her look like a streetwalker. I didn't realize that Eilish was stocking California apparel shops. Joyce muses that the stores are closing, and she needs to order some flyers for her opening at the gallery we all don't know and don't love. She says she'll handle that and the food, and Buffy can pick up her outfit from "Everyday Woman." Buffy snots, "Everyday Woman? Why didn't you just go to 'Muumuus R Us'?" Joyce: "Do now, make fun of your mother later." Will do.
Buffy gets on the down escalator, and sees Yostereotype Sam and his chippy coming up on the other side. Upon glancing in the mirror on her right and noting that something's wrong with the picture, she realizes that Yostereotype Sam is a vampire. She turns and pushes past some people to get back to the top. In a very unrealistic turn, this provokes only a mild "Hey!" from one of the patrons. Sars would've thrown an elbow and written a Tomato Nation about it. I'd like to note that the purple sweater Buffy's wearing is improbably flattering, and the accompanying black pants accentuate that. I feel like I at least have to try to comment on the fashion on this show, although I can name at least three other gay male TWoP recappers who could do a better job. Women's clothes just ain't my bag, baby. Buffy follows the couple into a deserted little arcade. I doubt they would keep this section unattended, but whatever. Someone, and I wish I could remember whom, on the boards recently pointed out that continuity and other errors in the old episodes were infrequent and inconsequential enough to be fun to point out, unlike the job of work it is these days. Buffy hears a pinball machine and walks toward it as she hears Yostereotype Sam telling his chippy that he has something to show her. She tells him to cram it, as she's working her high score, which is kind of sad, since she couldn't have been playing for more than a minute or two. Still, it makes me like her enough not to refer to her as a chippy any more. Of course, she's only in the episode for about a minute more, but I can't really help that, can I? He brushes her hair aside and tells her she's got "the prettiest little neck [he] ever did see." They are pushing the stereotype pretty hard here, but the writers at least were able to restrain themselves from having him say "purtiest," so I won't call the sheriff just yet. Buffy snits that "you guys really never come up with any new lines, do you?" Whether she's putting down vampire or cowboy stereotypes is a judgment call. Girl Too Sassy To Be Called A Chippy snots right back that they were talking. Buffy simpers that he promised he'd never cheat on her again. The former chippy wins more points by saying she's going to bail, but Yosemite Stereotype, now in vamp face, says he's not done. Since he makes no attempt to stop her after she sees his face and runs off, I'm not sure what he's talking about. Goodbye, Girl Who Proved Way Too Sassy And Cool To Be Called A Chippy. May you not be lured in by redneck vampire stereotypes in the future. I won't miss having to type that name, though. Yosemite Stereotype gets a chuckle out of me by calling Buffy "sugar lips," but ruins that goodwill by continuing, "Giddy up." Groan. They fight. Yosemite Stereotype breaks a pinball machine by throwing Buffy into it, further increasing my antipathy toward him. Arcade games are to be worshipped, not destroyed. Not that I wasn't responsible for a fair number of "Tilts" in my adolescent years, but I'm older and wiser now. He takes a break from the action to introduce himself as "Lyle Gorch." Buffy, unimpressed, boots him away. She draws a stake, but he somersaults away (with a "yee-ha," no less), gets to his feet, and proclaims, "This ain't over." Please. We're not even to the opening credits.