Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Bad Eggs

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 5 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Yee-Haw!

And now that I've finished a verbal trek of my own, we get to Cordy, who earnestly asks, "Well, that depends; are you talking about sex in the car or out of the car? Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miata parked on top of the hill, and she kicked the gearshift, and --" Ha! The teacher cuts her off, although I wanted to hear the rest of that story. He says he was looking for something a bit more commonplace, but honestly, for a group of seventeen-year-olds in California, I'd think that if you're not having sex in the car, you're not having sex. Xander raises his hand and makes a "veiled" comment about the "heartbreak of halitosis." Hee. Cordy shoots back that that's nothing compared to kissing a guy who thinks the "Hoover technique" is a turn-on, and while the sound effects from the closet scene back her up, how dumb does everyone have to be not to have figured out that these two are leading off first base? Willow interrupts the "tete"-a-"tete" with "pregnancy." The teacher applauds this answer. I'm distracted every time the camera focuses on Willow, because there's this extra they keep focusing on whom I feel like I should recognize. Maybe it's because he looks like Max Perlich, if Max Perlich were seventeen and had a hoop in each ear. Anyway, the teacher uncovers a tray of eggs, and says that since unwanted pregnancy is the number-one consequence of teenage sex, they're all going to practice taking care of an egg. Just go with it. They're supposed to choose a partner with whom to share the "parenting" duties, and to come up and collect an egg. Willow excitedly starts to choose Xander, but he's too busy marching over to Cordelia. Aw, poor Willow. Before Xander gets to Cordy, however, she asks some dude next to her to "have a baby." Considering your sex-in-the-car story earlier, Cordy, I'd be a little more explicit about how you want to achieve that end. Xander then asks some blonde girl if the egg she's holding isn't "Xander Junior." She laughs, proving she's too dumb to be a good match. You need someone to balance out the intelligence genes, Xander.

Willow and Xander enter the library and ask Buffy why she wasn't in class. She cites vampire issues, and asks if Mr. Whitmore noticed. Willow says yes, and gives Buffy her very own spoiled, whiny brat. Er, "egg." Buffy: "As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract." Hee. Willow explains that it's her baby, and Xander says she should teach it Christian values. Willow complains that her egg is Jewish, and Xander suggest she teach it the dreidel song. I loved getting invited to my Jewish friends' houses and playing dreidel. And there's the bar mitzvah, and eight days of Chanukah, and fun songs, and seders. Damn. Why wasn't I raised Jewish? I guess I can take solace in the fact that I didn't have to go to Hebrew school, but I was instead subjected to the prison of piano lessons, so that's small comfort. Wow, this recap is really all about me, isn't it? Buffy panics that she can't take care of things, and that she killed her Giga pet. I had to look up that reference, and even after doing so, I have absolutely no recollection of it. Was I really that out of it when I was 26? Recalling the story above about my L.A. boyfriend pretty much answers that question. I should point out, however, that her claim not to be able to take care of things is certainly ringing true after what happened to Chloe. Buffy asks who she got as a partner. Ready for the fun error identification? Willow and Xander didn't tell her that they're doing the parenting exercise in teams, and they each have an egg of their own. Mr. Whitmore did say that he had discussed the assignment the previous week, but given Buffy's complete incomprehension upon seeing the egg, I don't think she digested that. Although it's possible the writers elected to fix this gaffe by never mentioning Xander's, Willow's, or Cordelia's partners in the rest of the episode. It's the old gaffe-cancels-out-gaffe theory. Hey, it's more credible than "magic is physics" or whatever the latest bullshit they've come up with is.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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