There they are -- our girls. Our bad, bad girls. Faith and Buffy both hit the ground on their backs with men struggling above them. Not like that, though. I think they're fighting vampires. As they struggle, Faith is interrogating Buffy about something Buffy claims to have "never, ever" done. The girls toss the vampires (both strangely outfitted in chumpy matching medieval-style jerkins) off them and leap to their feet. As they fight, Faith is still skeptical, but Buffy insists, "How many times do I have to say it? I have never done it" -- she stakes her vamp -- "with Xander!" Faith finds this hard to believe, and if Twentieth Century Fox was any sort of decent company, we wouldn't be starting our recaps of the third season on episode fourteen and I wouldn't have to remind you that Faith herself had just done Xander in the previous episode, "The Zeppo." And because she's Buffy's evil twin, her dark side, her animus, her raging id, for some reason she can't believe Buffy hasn't screwed the butt-monkey herself. This of course also explains why Faith later set her amorous sights on Angel, but we're getting ahead of ourselves here. Which reminds me that I watched season three and really enjoyed it without being at all involved in the sort of fervid discussion of every single detail that occurs on fan sites like Mighty Big TV. When these episodes were initially aired, I loved the Faith/Buffy arc and didn't have any sort of cynical theories about glaringly obvious dark-twin storytelling, and I think that was a more innocent, happy time. Now I've tasted the poison apple of critical analysis and there's no going back. But enough about me. Heh -- not really. Oh, all right, I'll move on.
Faith, in an fugly pair of skin-tight leopard pants that aren't doing her ass any favors, can't believe Buffy hasn't slept with Xander and leers, "I mean, I'm sorry, it's just, all this sweating-nightly, side-by-side action, and you never put in for a little after-hours unhh?" punctuated by a nasty little hip-thrust. Buffy looks as squicked as I feel and repeats that no, she hasn't ever slept with Xander. That Faith -- not so bright. You gotta tell her things a time or two before they sink in. Buffy notices the footprints of a vamp that got away, and the girls walk quietly through the graveyard. Faith's pants? Not doing her thighs any favors, either. Buffy whispers, "Okay, count of three. One --" but Faith just rushes ahead, rolling over a large headstone to attack the missing vampire. Slightly exasperated, Buffy quips, "Three," and rushes to Faith's aid. The vampire, all dressed up in a silly jerkin like his dusted buddies, draws two swords. Buffy forces him to drop them, but he manages to get her pinned against a headstone. As she struggles, Faith dusts the vamp from behind. She then wants a high five, but Buffy is tetchy about Faith ruining her "Sesame Street" plan. They bicker briefly and then turn back to grab the vamp's swords to show Giles. Gasp! The swords are gone.