Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Bargaining, Part II

Episode Report Card
Sep: C | 3 USERS: B
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Bargaining, Part II

Cut to the inside of Buffy's coffin. Pan up a rotted corpse, and I don't think that Buffy would be as far decomposed as that already, but I'm willing to forgive it because the reanimating effect is Capital-C Creepy. Pardon me for saying so, but Buffy is pretty stacked for a desiccated corpse. Buffy gasps and looks around in terror. Man. That was the scariest thing we've seen in a long time. Those few seconds were more disturbing than the entire Glory arc managed to be in twenty-two episodes last season. But that's not saying much, is it? The only truly disturbing thing about Glory was seeing Ben in a dress.

Commercials. Usually I skip right over 'em, but I'm interested in seeing what the UPN has to offer. So apparently The Partnership for a Drug-Free America wants us to know that we don't need to use drugs to be cool. Slogan: "Family: my anti-drug." Please! Who writes this crap? More like "Family: my gateway drug."

Buffybot is dangerously close to a systems failure. I know you're all on the edge of your seats over that one. Demon Biker backhands her with a pile of chains.

Tara and Anya meet up with Xander and Willow. Tara immediately rushes to comfort Willow. Xander asks Tara what the heck was up with the reptile regurgitation, but Anya whispers one of the only lines of hers this episode that doesn't get on my nerves: "Less talk. More running away." Xander suggests that they split up. Tara wants to take Willow, but Xander overrides that decision since he's strong enough to carry her. He promises to keep Willow safe, and they agree to meet up at Der Zauber Kasten.

Back to Buffybot. The bikers are circled around her, kicking the crap out of her. In the foreground is Buffy's tombstone. Underground Buffy is starting to panic. She bangs on the sides and the lid of the coffin and tries to scream, but only a thin, hoarse cry escapes. Frantically she claws at the lining of the coffin.

Xander sets Willow down to take a little rest. Willow stirs, and Xander shushes her, warning her to keep quiet. Willow slowly remembers the demons and agitatedly says that they have to go back and help Buffy. Xander nixes it. "We have to finish," pleads Willow emphatically. Xander breaks the news to her that the "Urn of Cirrhosis" was broken. No big -- I personally have several Urns of Cirrhosis in my possession. I usually label them as to their contents, like "tequila," so as not to confuse people, but call them whatever you like, Xander. Willow corrects him that they need the "Urn of Osiris," and I guess I can't really help with that one. At Xander's mention of the general brokenness of the urn, Willow becomes distraught. Her voice cracks as she says, "Buffy's gone. She's really gone." Her body is wracked with sobs as Xander cradles her head against his shoulder. You know, that might have actually gotten a sniffle out of me if the order of the last two scenes had been reversed and we hadn't just seen Buffy being reanimated. It's called suspense, people. Look it up.

Somewhere in the woods, Anya is running, trying to avoid the demon bikers, who judging from the voices off-screen are really close to her. She passes by a big rock, and suddenly Tara pulls her to the ground to share her hiding place. Anya protests, but Tara clamps her hand over Anya's mouth. I pause to enjoy the moment, and to allow myself a small fantasy involving Anya being unable to speak for an entire episode. It's one of the few things I didn't truly appreciate about "Hush" the first time around. A duo of bikers walks into the frame. They're arguing about having to recon for strays while the other boys are busy carousing and looting. Anya and Tara hunker down behind the rock, terrified. After a moment, the demons decide to "screw this" and go raise a ruckus with their brethren. Ah. Saved by the power of slack. Anya worries about the potential looting of Der Zauber Kasten. "You don't think they'll cause a lot of damage, do you?" she inquires anxiously of Tara. Right. Of course not. Demons are well known for not wanting to get their pretty frilly dresses and patent-leather Sunday-school shoes dirty. Twit.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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