Xander pushes a card catalogue in front of the door, but someone opens it the other way. Hee. It's Buffy. The Wacky Violin fades to a Sultry Sax as we see that Buffy's clad in a black raincoat and not, clearly, anything else. She threatens to open it, but Xander begs her not to. Everyone who was overly annoyed with him for his fantasy in "Dirty Girls" can take note of this moment. Buffy kittens that it's a party, and he should open his present. Despite the fact that Xander probably told Santa he'd forego all other gifts for the rest of his life if he could only have this one, he refuses. He gives a heartfelt speech how this isn't real to her, and it would mean so much to him if only she really felt anything for him, but he can't do it this way. Buffy closely follows the Chapter Five of The Fatal Attraction Handbook by dangerously asking if this is all a game to him, and snarlingly demands that he explain himself, but Amy, appearing behind her, tells her to back off. Buffy demands that Xander tell her how he really feels, and then hauls off and punches Amy. Buffy turns back to Xander, who picks an ironic time to go completely impotent, but Amy stands back up, beetle-eyed, and recites her "Goddess Hecate" incantation, and after a quick credits shot of her enveloping Buffy in light, we focus on Xander, who cries, "Oh my God!" Something twitchy this way comes.
When we return, Buffy's raincoat is lying on the floor. Giles and Miss Calendar rush back in, and Miss Calendar gets a goofy smile upon seeing Xander again. Hee. A rat crawls out of the raincoat's sleeve, and Giles echoes Xander's horror. They do have rats in England, Giles. Believe me, I know. Amy and Miss Calendar have a little catfight, which appropriately prompts Amy to try to turn her into a rat as well, but Xander shuts her up. Meanwhile, the Buffy-rat has run off. In the hall, Cordy closes her locker when she's confronted by Harmony and the Cordexes. Harmony seethes that Cordy never loved Xander. Cordy: "Okay, Harmony, if you need to borrow my Midol, just ask." Rather than receiving applause for her witticism, Cordy gets a slap in the face. Boy, I know what that's like. Miss Peggy Sue Got Married shoves Cordy up against the locker, and the Cordexes start manhandling her. What a time to cut a scene.
Library. Giles orders the Lusting Ladies to sit down. "We have to catch the Buffy-rat." Heh. Xander gets a bead on the rat, but before he can get his hands on her, he sees someone's leg next to him. He looks up to see Oz, who promptly punches him. A testosterone-fueled display from Oz! How cute! As the Buffy-rat escapes the library, Oz notes, "That kinda hurt." Xander: "Kinda?" Oz explains that Willow was crying to him all night. "I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to hit you." I think I would have been left with at least an equal desire to hit her, although I'd probably say that about anyone that cost me an entire night's sleep. Giles rolls his eyes, and who could possibly blame him? Oz helps Xander up, and Xander explains about Buffy's newfound status as a rodent, to which Oz gives an interested, "Oh!" The boy has filled his emotive quota for the year here, folks. Let's give him a big hand. Anyway, when they realize Buffy has escaped, Giles disgustedly tells Xander to go home, and asks Oz to help in finding Buffy. No one mentions Oz's werewolf nose, but I choose to believe Giles had it in mind. Xander exits the library to find the Cordexes trying to beat on Cordy. When they see him, however, they rush at him, and the look of delight on Harmony's face is particularly priceless. Xander picks Cordy up off the floor and manages to carry her off, although I'm not sure that's a good idea, because the Foley guys went so nuts when the Cordexes were beating on her that I'd think she'd be hemorrhaging. The girls, including a cafeteria worker, pursue. Is that the same cafeteria worker from "Earshot"? Because if so, I think we've got an explanation of why she went over the edge.