Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Blood Ties

Episode Report Card
Ace: B- | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Thank YOU very much, Second Law of Thermodynamics!

Buffy and Spike stalk across the playground, Buffy calling for Dawn all the while. Spike rightly suggests that Buffy might want to be a bit more stealthy, since Dawn isn't all that keen on being found. "You were right," sighs Buffy. "This is my fault. I should have told her." Eh. The only thing I can see that was a gross error of judgment was putting on that coat. Spike rolls his eyes and reassures Buffy that she probably would have run away in any case, as "she's not just a ball of energy, she's also a fourteen-year-old hormone bomb. Which ones screwing her up more right now? Spin the bloody wheel." As sirens wail in the background, Spike levels a gaze at Buffy and steadfastly assures Buffy that she'll find Dawn. What's that? Oh, don't mind me. I'm just mourning the death of Spike over here.

Dawn wanders into the hospital, down a corridor, and then just walks right into the mental ward and past a -- snack machine? To quote Sep, "What the fucking fuck?" Who the hell straps poor lunatics to beds within clear view of yummy snacks they will never, ever get a chance to purchase and eat? That really is cruel and unusual punishment. Anyway, all the patients start trembling and muttering the instant Dawn walks into the room. She approaches a patient and begs him to tell her what she is, but he shakes and mumbles, "Can't hear it, can't hear it, can't hear it," over and over. "What am I?" demands Dawn. "The Key!" exclaims the Knight of Insanium. Dawn rushes over to his bed and asks him to explain the facts of her life to her, but suddenly he reaches out towards her, exclaiming, "Destroy her!" Dawn freaks and runs out the door, right into Greasy Monkey Ben.

Hospital locker room. Greaseball brings Dawn a cup of hot chocolate and wonders why she's there. He offers to call "her sister." "I don't have a sister," grits out Dawn. Greasy Intern Ben tries to bond with Dawn a bit, telling her that he understands how much of a pain sisters can be, as he has one as well. Dawn cuts him off, saying, "It's me. I'm the one that doesn't exist." Ben tries to reassure her, but Dawn blathers on, "I'm nothing. I'm just a thing the monks made so Glory couldn't find me. I'm not real." At this, GIB visibly recoils and emphatically tells Dawn to leave. Dawn stands there like a lump. Agitated, Ben looks around and implores her to run, right away. Looking around the room wildly, Ben flaps his hands and shouts, "Oh god no. She's coming. I can feel it you've got to get out!" Dawn stands there like a lump some more. Ben grabs her by the shoulders, screaming, "Oh no. She's here!" and then…morphs into Glory, who shakes her head and says to Dawn, "Hey, don't I know you?"

Glory quickly changes out of Ben's scrubs into some red satin thing that Ben had in his locker. Here's a joke. What has the body of a dress but the back of a bra and is red all over? Glory's outfit! Yeah, I know that's pretty lame, but then so's her outfit. Do you think the other interns tease Ben for keeping ladies' clothing in his locker? In the corner, Dawn sputters that Glory is Ben. "It's an eensy bit more complicated than that. Family always is, isn't it?" explains Glory. Dawn gets the urge to flee, but Glory, back still to her, warns her that she'd "rip out [her] spine before [she] got half a step." Glory wants to know what Dawn was "doing here with Gentle Ben." Good to see that Glory's been catching up on American TV in between those exhausting bouts of pouting and shopping. Dawn seems surprised that Glory doesn't remember, but Glory expositions that Dawn was talking to Ben, not her. They're interrupted by a security guard, whose neck is quickly snapped by Glory for daring to interrupt. Then the Magnificent Snorificus takes a grip on Dawn's shirt and hauls her off to somewhere quieter.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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