Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Blood Ties

Episode Report Card
Ace: B- | 3 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Thank YOU very much, Second Law of Thermodynamics!

The gang meets at the cemetery, and Buffy decides that they should probably check the hospital just to move the plot along, since this episode has really been dragging.

Back at which, in some sort of X-ray viewing room (hey, I'm not a doctor), Glory starts pumping Dawn for Key-related info. Dawn decides to play along, asking Glory what the Key looks like. Glory describes it as a bright green swirl, but then amends that it could look like anything at the moment. "Maybe," says Dawn deliberately, "if you told me more about it, I'd know if I've seen it." Glory leans into Dawn, backing her up against the counter, and Dawn thinks that the jig just might be up, but all Glory does is say, "Okay."

In the waiting room, Buffy tells the gang that Dawn hasn't been admitted, but they're interrupted by a couple of guys who walk right through the gang, talking in decidedly NOT inside voices about the guy in the break room who's had his head twisted off. Even the Scoobies aren't stupid enough to not pick up on that kind of a clue.

Back in the X-ray room, Dawn is trying to get more information about the Key from Glory. We learn that the Key has been around almost forever. Dawn asks if it's evil, and seems disconcerted when Glory animatedly replies, "Totally!" But she recovers when Snorificus corrects herself that the Key isn't really evil, "just depends on your point-of-view." Yawn. From my point of view, the key looks like 54 minutes of prime-time boredom on a box. Dawn overplays her hand when she asks Glory what the Key opens. Glory becomes agitated and approaches Dawn saying, "I'm thinking…that maybe…you…don't have any idea where my key is." I know we're supposed to be worried here that Glory is going to find out that Dawn is the Key and squirrel her away to do some sort of evil, but I know it's not going to happen on a show that has taken twelve episodes just to get this far in the whole story. I've seen lines at IKEA move faster than this plot.

Glory starts having one of her attacks and gets ready to do her brain sucking thing to Dawn, but the gang bursts in just then, Buffy warning Glory to "get away from [her] sister." I won't even ask how they knew where to find Glory and Dawn, since they are certainly NOT in the break room. That's how bored I am with this whole episode. Buffy takes a few swings at Glory and Spike, coming in through a side door, grabs her from behind so Buffy can punch her some more. Spike quips, "I thought you said this skank was tough." Glory can't let this pass and roughs Spike up a bit. Glory: "He wakes up, tell your boyfriend to watch his mouth." Okay. You know what's coming. All together now: "He is NOT my boyfriend." You know it's a bad Buffy episode when you can predict the dialogue. In the background, Willow and Tara start chanting. Giles lets fly a cross-bow bolt that hits Glory and harmlessly thunks to the floor while Xander creeps up from behind and takes a swing with a…crow bar…that was just…lying around…in the X-ray room, where they so often have need of crowbars while X-raying things. Huh. That doesn't faze Glory either, and she pulls Xander around to face her, saying, "Hey! Watch the hair!" before sending him flying. Wow. That's the most intelligent thing she's ever said. Xander really does need to watch his hair. In a mirror. Maybe then he can see how utterly repulsive it is. If he's not careful, the weasel on Buffy's jacket is going to try and mate with it. Glory throws the crowbar like a javelin at Dawn, but Buffy dives in front of Dawn and takes it in the chest. "Is that the best you little crap gnats could muster?" snarks Glory. "Crap gnats"? Further proof that Glory hails from the evil Junior High dimension. At this point Willow and Tara throw glitter on Glory, and Willow claps her hands and says something in a language I don't know ["I assume she says 'Discede,' a Latin command meaning 'go' or 'leave'" -- Sars], and Glory dematerializes into a bunch of little bits. And I guess Willow inhaled some glitter or something, because she's thrown to the ground with a bloody nose. Okay. Time for hugs all around. Except for Willow and Tara, who can't even be shown in the same freakin' frame together. Buffy asks what Willow did to Glory, and Willow breathlessly replies that it was a "teleportation spell. Still working out the kinks." Buffy: "Where'd you send her?" Willow: "That's one of the kinks."

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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