Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy vs. Dracula

Episode Report Card
Buffy vs. Dracula

Commercials. Hell will be me strapped in a dentist's chair, getting twenty-three cavities filled at once with no anesthesia while Little Nicky plays in an endless loop on the TV over my head.

Buffy and Riley toss a football. On the beach! In the sun! Wow, this gives me a perfect chance to use that line I've been saving about finding it very strange that Angel, despite being a an undead creature of the night, has been to the beach more often in the last year than the human teens of the Scooby gang. But my elation at seeing the kids having fun (and finally getting to use that line) fades quickly upon really noticing what Riley's wearing. Ugh -- a lilac t-shirt with the sleeves and collar cut out. The final tragic detail is the large notch cut into the neckline of the shirt. Maybe Riley tore it trying to pull it over that honkin' conk? Riley and Buffy are tossing a football, and Riley informs Buffy she throws like a girl, which is an utterly stupid and non-supportive thing to say on so many levels, not the least of which is that if Buffy wanted to, she could throw that ball and take Riley's head off with it. Which is almost exactly what she does. I snigger as the football hits Riley in the face and knocks him down, and I rewind the scene three times, but then get worried that damage to his nose could make it even larger. As Buffy and the unfortunately-not-too-damaged Riley romp, we see Xander, Anya, Tara, and Willow taking it easy further up the beach. The girls are reading, and Xander, as he tries to light a fire in a cement grill, suggests that relaxing should "involve less exertion." I'm with you there, bro. Anya and Tara agree it's "better to just stay put" and Willow wryly comments, "I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks." Aw, Willow is wearing shorts and showing more Willow-leg than I believe we've ever seen. What a cutie. Buffy and Riley gambol up to the gang and demand burgers, but Xander informs them that he's been having problems getting the fire started. Willow waves her hand and casts a spell, which causes flames to shoot up out of the grill. Buffy chirps, "Willow, check you out! Witch-fu!" but Willow claims the spell wasn't a big deal, just a matter of balancing the elements. At that moment the sky becomes dark and cloudy, thunder booms, and rain comes pouring down. The Scoobies gather up their stuff and run for shelter, Willow claiming, "I didn't do it!"

Thunder, lightning, and rain. A truck pulls up to a large castle on a bluff and two extras get out and start to unload a box from the back of the truck. It's all very Hammer films, I'm sure. Well, I would be sure if I'd ever actually seen any Hammer films. But I have read about them in the Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film. The extras complain about the weight of the box and then drop it on the ground, where a corner splits open. They mock the rich for "cartin' dirt around" but don't get to bitch for long as a figure bursts out of the crate and slashes their necks open.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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