Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy vs. Dracula

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Buffy vs. Dracula

"He seemed so nice and normal. A little pale," says Joyce to Willow and Tara, who are busy waving herbs in the foyer. Willow advises her to avoid "white-skinned men in capes" during her stay in Sunnydale. Joyce slumps down on the stairs, saying, "It's hard to date. Sometimes you just feel like giving up on men altogether." Willow and Tara exchange a barrage of little looks and continue on with their spell. Oh ho ho. That was side-splittingly funny. On Ally McBeal, maybe.

Sundown. Riley and Giles haven't had any luck. They decide to hurry to hit the last few places on the list.

Xander is pacing nervously in the Basement of Debasement while Anya is in the middle of a tirade, protesting that she should be looking for Dracula instead of "Slayer-sitting." Xander interrupts her to ask the time, and she tells him it's almost six. She continues with her whining until Xander grabs her and locks her in a nearby closet. Ha! I hope she stays there all season. He monotones to Buffy, who is seated on the couch, "I'm supposed to deliver you to the Master now. There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?" "Take me to him," replies Buffy, all nonchalant.

Buffy and Xander approach the huge castle on the outskirts of Sunnydale. Xander leads Buffy into a chamber and says, "Master, I deliver the Slayer. She who you most desire. I'm sorry. Whom." Bwa! Dracula, who has been staring into the fire, turns to face them, clad in a red button-down shirt and black sweater vest. Dracula wears a sweater vest? Well, I guess that answers the age-old question: "What does Dracula wear under his cape?" Or was that Scotsmen? Who does he think he is anyway, Chandler Bing? Xander is quick to jump on the immortality bandwagon, but Dracula orders him to leave. "I knew you'd come," says Dracula. "Why?" queries Buffy. "Because I'm under your thrall?" Grabbing a stake. "Well, guess again, pal." Dracula calmly tells her to put the stake down and Buffy quickly sets it on the table. She immediately starts trying to convince herself that she dumped the stake of her own free will, but soon realizes that she's not even fooling herself and lets out a worried whine while glancing at the door.

Riley and Giles approach the "big honkin' castle" that Riley has never noticed in the two years he's been in Sunnydale, and they decide to check it out.

Buffy warns Dracula to stay away from her and that last night was just a fluke. He fixes her with his "penetrating" gaze and tells her, "Stop me. Stake me." "Any minute now," replies Buffy unconvincingly. She mentions her friends, but Dracula assures her that they won't disturb them. "We are alone. Always alone," he whispers melodramatically. Because if there's one thing we need on this show, it's more melodramatic vampires. I would like to point out that Spacky is wearing more eye makeup than the entire female cast combined. And considering what they did to poor Willow this episode, that's saying something. Maybe he's a sweet transvestite from trans-sexual Transylvania. He circles Buffy, telling her that "there's so much [he] has to teach [Buffy]. Your history. Your power. What your body is capable of." Oh, ew! Buffy replies that she doesn't need to know. Neither do I. He starts talking again, and my, doesn't Count Gum-Flapula like to hear the sound of his own voice? "But first a little taste," he finishes ominously.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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