Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 3 USERS: A-
Who watches the watchermen?

Oh no, the hospital! It's the return of Greasy Intern Ben. He seems to be leaving, and as he swings on his jacket, we're treated to an eyeful of underarm hair. Shudder. That wasn't on my list of Things To See Today. Sigh. Okay, back to Ben, who I can't find attractive in any way. He has a butt-chin, people. Not-Dreg appears and drags Ben into a side room, prompting the one of the best lines Ben has ever gotten: "Don't touch me! You're crusty." Hee. I heard that's what all the guys say to Courtney Love. Not-Dreg explains that Glory has sent him for more information on the Slayer. Ben protests that he doesn't know the Slayer, and Not-Dreg explains that he does: "She's short, symmetrical, hair on top." Uh, not specific enough, dude. "Buffy something?" That's better. "Buffy Summers is a Slayer?" wonders Ben, and Not-Dreg confirms, "That's the one!" Not-Dreg has been instructed to find out where Buffy lives and who her friends are. Ben doesn't seem inclined to comply, and says he "has a message for Glory."

Der Zauber Kasten. Giles is trying to convince Quentin that a review is not necessary when Buffy enters the store. She espies the CoW delegation and turns on her heel, trying to creep away. But of course she can't leave and must instead hear from Quentin and the black-haired CoWboy of their "project." Buffy throws some attitude when the Watchers say they want to talk to her friends and chide her for "taking civilians" on patrol. Quentin isn't taking the alpha-dog stance with Buffy; instead he's going for sympathetic, saying that he understands her resistance. He gives her a little lecture about the "relative status of the players in our little game," which basically boils down to "The Slayers are the tools of the CoW. Slayers come and go but the song remains the same."

Giles gets snide, saying it's a "comforting, bloodless way of looking at it." Quentin again cuts him off at the knees with a condescending, "Giles, let me talk to Buffy. I think she's understanding me." Ouch. That'll leave a mark. Buffy purses her lips as Quentin explains that Glory is a "more powerful instrument" than Buffy is, and that Buffy will get the information they have on Glory if she passes their review. Seems like an awfully harsh proposal to leave a supposedly incompetent Slayer without helpful information about a force like Glory, but we all know that the CoW is petty like that. Giles gets huffy and yells, "She's not your bloody instrument and you have no right to do any of this!" Yay, Giles! He gets in a little hand-slapping match with the big CoWboy, and Buffy admonishes him, "Giles!" She looks sulky as Travers says he understands that they might not feel the review is fair, but if they don't comply, the CoW will shut down Giles's store and have him deported "within the day. Never to set foot in this country again." Okay, already! As Buffy looks wide-eyed at Giles, Quentin continues, "You're dealing with grown-ups now. Am I making myself clear?" Long, long pause during which I yell at the TV, in my very best Rick from The Young Ones voice, "Oh, verrrry!" Fade to commercial. You all know Rick from The Young Ones, right? Well, you should.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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