Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Conversations With Dead People

Episode Report Card
Sep: A | 5 USERS: A+
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Conversations With Dead People

The caller on the other end is, of course, Dawn, who is sitting on the coffee table, nursing her cut foot. She picks up the radio that was in the kitchen and presses random buttons. "Do it again. I heard you!" she commands. Dawn is seemingly overtaken with an ominous feeling emanating from behind her. She slowly looks over her shoulder at the couch Joyce was found on to reveal…NOTHING. She faces forward again, and the lights go out briefly. As they flash back on, we see that the weapons chest has been stood on one end, and one dining room table is stacked upon another with all of the chairs on top of that. On the wall, "Mother's milk is red today" is written in a drippy, bloody scrawl. Gah. I'm so glad I'm watching this in daylight this time around because this scene really embiggens the wiggins. The lights go out again, and everything is back to normal. Dawn looks around, scared out of her gourd, and the mysterious banging starts up again. "Why are you doing this?" she wails. "I don't understand." The beating relentlessly sounds until it's subdued by Dawn's screeching. It occurs to Dawn that something might be trying to communicate with her. "Once for yes. Twice for no," she shouts." "Mom?" she querulously calls. One bang. "Are you okay?" is the next question. The answer is a big fat two-knock no. As is the answer to "Are you alone?" All of a sudden, the house starts to shake violently and all the light bulbs blow out.

Cut to SHS. Jonathan and Andrew have located their secret leftover stash of high-tech villainy gear as they descend stealthily into the library. Well, Jonathan does; Andrew falls. Which he so totally deserves for his actions later in the episode, the little weasel. And I mean that in all of the scariest, Pauly Shore senses of the word. Armed with flashlights, they walk the halls. At the sound of something falling, Jonathan opines that they should find Buffy and "tell her what we know about the seal of" something mystical or other, which sounds like a prescription drug I may once have been on. Weasel Andrew thinks that she won't believe them without any proof, and that it'd be better to find it, alert the Slayer, and then help her to destroy it, thus ensuring that they'll be the heroes of the day. Suitably talked up, Jonathan and Weasel Andrew split up to find Principal Wood's office.

Once Jonathan is out of sight, Warren swaggers around the corner. Andrew visibly crumbles, asking Warren if he has "any idea how hard it's been to act this cool." Warren tells him to relax, because "all specs are within parameters." Andrew tells Warren how much he hates it when Warren leaves him: "One time you died and I ended up a Mexican." Warren assures him that the whole dying thing was just part of the master plan, but realizes the only way to really soothe Andrew is to put things in terms of Star Wars. "If you strike me down," begins Warren encouragingly. "I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine," finishes a mollified Andrew. Andrew then wonders if maybe Willow could do him in too. Probably not, but I know a few million members of the audience that would be willing to help you out there, you sniveling, spineless worm. Warren tells Andrew that if "Short Round pulls off his end of the bargain, we'll both become gods." Andrew turns to gaze down the hallway that Jonathan recently departed down and says, "That boy is our last hope." Warren, playing his part, declares, "No. There is another." This confuses Andrew, who has always been a few Crayolas short of the 64-crayon set. He asks Warren that if it's not Jonathan who really is their last hope, then. Warren is all, "I was just going with it. It was a thing. No, he's our last hope." Not that you can tell from my recap or anything, but his delivery is pretty amusing there.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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