Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cruel Intentions

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Cruel Intentions
Now we've laid (ha ha) the groundwork. Time to speed this up. Reese is staying at Sebastian's aunt's place, which I will therefore call Plot Contrivance Manor. Sebastian chats her up and insults her virginity manifesto. Subtle. She is not fooled, having been tipped off about his "reputation," and she also acts circles around Ryan Phillippe's empty head. Cecile is taking cello lessons from, and obviously has a crush on, someone who we know the rich people won't like, because he's black. He's also ten thousand times better for the Chevalier Danceny role than Keanu Reeves was in the film version of Dangerous Liaisons. Bad Girl Buffy interrupts the lesson, and we learn that Ronald the Cello Teacher is at pre-Juilliard (huh?) and is writing an opera about Martin Luther King Jr. I guess that makes sense, because Dr. King was, as I understand it, also black. Sebastian is complaining to Pacey, a.k.a. Blaine, who has bleached blond hair and is therefore gay. Sebastian wants info about who ratted out his "cruel intentions" to Reese, and promises to put that person in a "momentous amount of pain" which I don't think makes any sense, because "momentous" doesn't mean "a lot." Gay Pacey reveals that Greg, the star of the football team, who is friends with Reese from way back (how many people leave Kansas to go to New York prep school? Tons, I guess), is nervously closeted, and could be the culprit. And he has just returned to New York to practice with the Plot Contrivance Football Team. To be fair, all of these machinations are lifted from Dangerous Liaisons, but they make a lot more sense there, since Valmont and the Marquise use their servants, and these are teenagers using their friends and acquaintances from school. Anyhow, scheming ensues: Sebastian will "accidentally" walk in on a tryst between Blaine and Greg and make him take back his entirely truthful warnings to Reese. Greg is bragging to his football buddies about a presumably fabricated sexual exploit. Blaine calls. Greg switches the phone to his right hand, drops the tough guy act, says hello to Blaine politely, and is therefore gay. Morticia Buffy is combing Cecile's hair in the park. Cecile mentions that Court told her about a "bulimic head-case he dumped." Heh. Buffy yanks Cecile's hair. Wow, SMG seemed to take that really personally. Anyway, Cecile needs to learn how to kiss for her weekend in the Hamptons with Court, and Buffy starts making out with her. ("How do you think girls learn?" What? Okay.) In the middle of the park. In broad daylight. Because she's trying really hard to keep up her front of being an upstanding religious girl with a sterling reputation. But Cecile reveals her real crush is on Ronald the Cello Teacher, and Sophistica-Bitch Buffy is supportive, and stresses the importance of keeping the crush secret from Cecile's mother.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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