Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Episode Report CardKey Grip: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Sebastian is watching Reese through binoculars, I guess because secretly observing how she reads a book on the lawn will help him sleep with her. Buffy enters and calls Sebastian on his genuine infatuation, which he chalks up to Reese making him laugh, i.e. the funny faces in the car. I knew it. Blah blah, who's going to win the bet, banter, banter. Sebastian goes outside, and he and Reese greet each other in French for no apparent reason, thereby discharging any obligation this film has to its source material. Then he mauls her, and she shoves him away. He wants to know why they can't be together, and she says it's because she doesn't "trust herself" with him. If she's talking about not trusting herself to not beat his punk ass, I know what she means. It's nighttime at Plot Contrivance Manor. Sebastian comes to Reese's room to announce that he's leaving. Then they play the scene from Wayne's World where Wayne and Garth are mad at each other and keep saying, "Fine, go then." "I'm gone." "Good. Go." "I am." "Bye." "I'm going." Only that scene is much more touching. Anyhow, Sebastian turns to go, and she tells him to wait, and he stops. At this point, I note that he is basically standing flush against the door, but does not have his hand on the knob, and also we observed the door opening into the room at the beginning of the scene. I mention this because what is he going to do, open the door into his own face while standing half an inch away from it? This means that either Sebastian the Character or Ryan Phillippe the Actor knew he wasn't really going to have to leave the room and did a really unconvincing job of pretending to, and I'm inclined to believe that Sebastian's a little too cagey for that. My finger is pointed squarely at you, Ry. Anyway, they start smooching, and after three seconds her hands go for his pants, which is a little surprising coming from the author of the Kansas Virgin Manifesto. She sits on the bed and starts to unbutton her very fetching silk pajamas. And just when Sebastian's finally about to get a Reese's Piece, he freaks out and bolts. Then he finds a mirror to glare into and says, "Get it together, you pussy." Pure charm. On the morrow, Wicked Buffy is trying to snitch the precious journal from a sleeping Sebastian's hands, but he wakes up. She wants the dish on his night with Reese. To his credit, he tells her the truth, and she reveals that Reese skipped out of PCM earlier that morning. Sebastian says, "Where . . . did . . . she . . . go?" in an over-enunciated, forceful way, like he's asked her ten times already (charming), but Buffy doesn't seem to know.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer