Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Episode Report Cardadmin: D+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Someone is sorting CDs and Men's Health magazines, and because the collection includes The Village People, and the magazine covers show guys with nice abs, or whatever, we know it's Gay Greg before the camera pans up to show us that we were right. Sebastian calls from the nice car demanding to know where Reese and her Piece have gone, and Greg says, "Hey, buddy!" all cheery, because that's exactly how I'd greet someone who cornered me into selling out a perfectly nice girl I'd known all my life. Sebastian yells some more until Gay Greg offers up his "pal" on the altar of his own cowardice once again and reveals where Reese is. Apparently, Gay Greg was very specific, because Sebastian is waiting for Reese at the top of an escalator somewhere, presumably before she even gets to where she was going. ("Yeah, Sebastian, she'll be coming up the third escalator from the left on the main concourse of the train station at 3:17 PM exactly.") Anyhow, they kiss; cut to the artsy sex scene to the strains of Adam Duritz's passionate warbling (which I've always rather liked, actually), and to Sebastian putting Reese in a limo after the deed is done. Sebastian gets home and hears Buffy going at it with somebody in her room, so naturally he barges in and discovers that she's trysting with Ronald the Cello Teacher, who books it out of there. Neither of the Stepford-siblings seem to care. Now that Sebastian has won the bet, Step-sister seems eager to comply with the terms and hold up her end of the bargain, as it were. We know this because she yells: "I wanna fuck!" But despite the fact that he has now earned the right to have Buffy in the buff-y, he rebuffys her. Man, for a guy who only thinks about sex, Sebastian sure turns it down a lot. Buffy hears Sebastian declaring his love for Reese over the brat-phone, and Sis cannot abide having been replaced in Bro's heart by such a wholesome specimen. Buffy says, "Look what you've been reduced to!" and for emphasis she holds up a random slip of paper we've never seen before with no discernable writing on it. She warns Sebastian he's going to get hurt, threatens to tell Reese's Daddy about his bad boy rep, et cetera. Sebastian says he was planning to come clean anyway. Buffy says, "You were going to leave school a legend. Now you're going to leave school a joke." Well, she's half right. Sebastian goes for an aimless walk, so we know Buffy's idiotic, pretentious claptrap has gotten to him. Sebastian goes to see Reese at her place. He tells her he doesn't love her, that she was just a conquest, that he loves someone else, that he feels nothing for her, and that he just wanted to see what she was like in bed. She is less than thrilled. But he is also crying and shaking, and she points this out and calls him a coward, and her acting is great in this scene, and his doesn't suck, and he clearly does love her but is weak and scared out of his mind, and . . . well. I guess this scene got to me a little. Oh, Reese, you're too good for him anyway. She shrieks and slaps him and throws him out and yells, "Don't touch me!" and I guess her folks aren't home, because no way am I staying out of my daughter's room when she's clearly being assaulted by some shmoe.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer