Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: B | 1435 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Dead Things

Buffy wanders through the front door of her house, yawning. She's wearing an off-the shoulder green monstrosity of a t-shirt with puffy little sleeves. She's shocked to hear music and see Dawn and Xander dancing in the living room, and she frets, "Is there singing? Are we singing again?" Nope, Xanya are just teaching Dawn some dance steps in preparation for the wedding reception. Xander dips Dawn, who giggles like a schoolgirl. Which she is, so um, there you go. Buffy declines to join the dancing and instead flops onto the sofa between Willow and Anya. "Double entendres" ensue when Xanya chide Buffy for looking "pounded." Oh hoo haw! They're talking about working at the restaurant, but Buffy's thinking about the pounding she takes from Spike. Har. I just about died laughing there. Willow, dressed in a high-necked shirt and brown ultra-suede blazer that even my fashion-impaired high school guidance counselor would have rejected as frumpy, invites Buffy to the Bronze for a little drinky-drinky, but Buffy declines, saying she's going to stay home with Dawn. Too bad, so sad -- Dawn is going to sleep over at Janice's house, and before she leaves she gets a few digs in about how Buffy is never home to spend any time with her. Dawn remains impervious to Buffy's attempts to get her to stay home, and who can blame the kid, because making tortillas with Janice's mom probably is a hell of a lot more exciting than spending time with a distant, depressed person who would most likely disappear to "go patrolling" at around 10 PM. Buffy decides some drinky-drinky doesn't sound so bad after all.

At the Legion of Dim's new lair of dim, poor Katrina has been dressed in a French maid's outfit and is serving the nerds champagne. The Beta Nerds are both pretty impressed with their new toy. Warren suggests a toast to "crime," and they all drink. More drooling over Katrina, which just gets more and more disturbing as she stands there blankly. It's so disturbing that I find it hard to recap, even at this point. Warren praises Katrina's beauty, including "the way her nose crinkles when she laughs," seemingly unable to understand that he's rendered her incapable of ever laughing again. Excited giggling from the Betas, followed by bickering over who will get to have sex with Katrina first. Warren calls shotgun and then assures the other two, "You play with her all you want, after I'm done with her." My skin crawls. Warren leads Katrina into another room, where they begin kissing. He demands that she tell him she should never have left him. His inability to separate brain-dampened Katrina from the Katrina he dated, and the twistedness of his feelings for her (his need to punish and humiliate her, while saying he missed her), is truly, truly frightening. Warren makes Katrina say she loves him and then immediately demands, "Get on your knees." Oh, I so don't want to see this. As Katrina kneels, she monotones, "Yes, Warren," which alarms him. Katrina suddenly comes to herself and is shocked to find herself in a basement and on her knees in front of Warren.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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