Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dead Things

Episode Report Card
Sep: B- | 2 USERS: B+
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Dead Things

At the Bronze, Willow freaks out over Anya and Xander swing-dancing on the dance floor. Look, Willow, I know the trend is a little 1998, but there's no reason for you to act like you've never seen the Lindy before. Willow claims she been clinging to a thread of dignity that swing-dancing at the wedding would eradicate, but I feel we should tell her that her old lady blazer has chased whatever dignity she had far, far away. Buffy, in a drape-necked top and a string tied around her neck in place of jewelry, asks if Willow is still doing okay, but it's pretty obvious that she doesn't really care at all. Apparently, Willow finds not doing magic easier if she's surrounded by others, which causes Buffy to apologize for not being around much, which in turn causes Willow to say that she knows Buffy has been "all tied up," and Buffy looks guilty and I bang myself in the head repeatedly with my laptop. Xanya invite Buffy and Willow to join them on the dance floor. Willow does, but Buffy claims she needs to get another drink. She wanders up to the bar, but then dumps her glass and walks up to the mezzanine level overlooking the dance floor.

As she climbs the stairs, the noise of the Bronze fades out and someone turns the Wanker score up REALLY LOUD. Sad Buffy sadly looks down at the dance floor, where her friends are having fun without her. She's sad. Off-screen voice-over from Spike: "You see, you try to be with them but you always end up in the dark…with me." Spike walks up and stands right behind Buffy. He asks what the Scoobies would think of Buffy if they knew "all the things" she had done, if they "knew who [she] really [is]." What a prince. Makes me want to have sex with him. Oh wait, it doesn't, because I don't get off on being humiliated and told that my friends would look down on me if they truly knew me. Maybe Spike needs to write a dating tips book: How To Win Over Your Seriously Depressed Girlfriend Who Is Only Using You For Sex By Humiliating Her And Alienating Her From Her Friends. And didn't he want her to liiiive just a few episodes ago? Now, he's all blah blah creature of the dark blah blah you don't need any friends or a life outside me blah blah blah? Well, it stands to reason that vampires would have a different definition of living. Spike caresses Buffy and slides his hand along her thigh, causing her to whisper, "Don't." Oh, shut up, Buffy!! We all know "no" means "yes" for you. Do we keep having to hear it over and over? Spike slides Buffy's skirt up, telling her, "Stop me." He then becomes her backdoor man in some anatomically impossible sense, and she moans. Huh? Was Spike walking around with his pants around his ankles, or is he wearing a skirt too? As they grind, Spike demands that Buffy not close her eyes; instead, he wants her to watch her friends below as he does her behind. Referring to said friends, Spike says, "That's not your world. You belong in the shadows. With me." Like in the alley scene in "Doublemeat Palace," the look on Buffy's face is morose rather than ecstatic. Spike wants Buffy to tell him that she "doesn't love getting away with this right under their noses." Buffy has no answer. She doesn't appear to love or even like anything at all this season, but I suppose we're supposed to think her lack of answer is agreement with Spike.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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