Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dead Things

Episode Report Card
Sep: B- | 2 USERS: B+
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Dead Things

For a moment, I'm taken aback by strains of music that doesn't suck. I was all ready to give props to the Wanker, but then the lead singer of Bush starts singing, and I realize that the reason the song doesn't suck is because Wanker wasn't allowed within five hundred yards of the recording studio. ["You know, I don't love Bush, and the song they use here is almost identical to 'Letting The Cables Sleep,' which the ER editors used for the same purposes in Julianna Margulies's last episode, but it somehow works both times. Anyway, just a little primetime-music trivia for you." -- Sars] Cut to Buffy walking through the graveyard. Shot of Spike at home, pouring himself a bit of spiced blood. He gazes at the door to the crypt, then goes to the door and places both his hands on it, as if he's either trying to sense the presence of someone outside or has completely forgotten how to operate a doorknob. It's a smoldering sort of look. The wooden door collapses into a puddle of goo and exclaims, "Hey! I'm not made of stone, people!" Hee. Not really. I'm just making my own fun over here. Cut to outside, where Buffy leans on the other side of said door. Cut to Sep as she gazes longingly and with great emotion at her own door and wishes she could hightail it away from this crap. Finally Spike remembers how to open doors and bursts out to an empty stoop. Do crypts have stoops? Whatever. His shirt is all open and fluttering in the wind, reminding me of nothing so much as Heathcliff, and I'm seized with a sudden desire to see him take a long, long walk off a very short moor.

Elsewhere, Buffy walks through the graveyard saying to herself, "Don't think about the evil, bloodsucking fiend. Focus on anything but the evil bloodsucking fiend." She hears a scream and raises her eyes heavenward. With a small "thank you" she takes off running. What follows is all very odd. Buffy comes upon a robed Denorex demon chasing a girl and tackles him to the ground. Suddenly they're both gone. Then a shot of Katrina crying on the ground, and again she disappears. Voices whisper incoherently, and Buffy raises her hands to cover her ears as if in pain. Cut to Spike with a bleeding lip on the ground, wondering, "What the hell did you do that for?" Then Buffy is attacked by a couple of the Denorex demons. More quick cuts and loopy time. A scared Buffy asks Spike what's going on. He's all, "Thought you could just slip away then. Vampire, remember? I could feel you." Uh, yeah. I guess that, as a vampire, Spike has Lust-O-Vision which allows you to see through objects that are separating you from your lust bunny. We've never heard of this special vampire booty detection system before. Maybe it's an after-market addition for the chip? Anyway, more confusion. Fighty fight. Katrina crying. Denorex demons kicking the crap out of Buffy; then Katrina grabs at Buffy. Buffy, without even thinking, backhands her so hard that she rolls down a leaf-covered embankment. Buffy follows, as does Spike, after dispatching of the last of the Denorex demons. Spike finds Buffy kneeling next to a prone Katrina. "She's dead. I killed her," utters the Slayer in disbelief. Spike assesses the situation and decides that they need to get out of there but quick before someone sees Buffy with the body. Buffy is still too shocked to move. Spike grabs her and drags her away, telling her that she's going to go home and go to sleep while he "sorts this out." "Trust me," he finishes.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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