Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Doublemeat Palace

Episode Report Card
Ace: C+ | 2 USERS: B-
Buffy's got a job!

Xander. Non-basement of non-debasement. He hangs up the phone and calls out to Anya that he "might have to go" -- presumably to take care of Dawn since Buffy is burning the midnight fry grease -- but he's interrupted by a curly-haired woman in a cape, Clothestime kinderwhore top, and vein-y face. She scarily intones that she has been called to wreak vengeance. Anya wanders in from the bedroom to ask Xander's opinion about some wedding nonsense. Xander points out the scary demon in their living room. No, the other one that is not Anya. Anya recognizes her friend Halfrek immediately, but it takes Hallie a minute before realizes it's Anya, and the two former co-workers share a squealy, dancy hug. Anya explains that she summoned Halfrek to invite her to the wedding. Xander quickly leaves because he's uncomfortable with the high demon quotient. Hallie explains that the message was garbled. "You know how it is," she explains conspiratorially, "half the time I have no idea if I'm even maiming the right guy." Oh, THAT'S comforting. Halfrek quickly moves on to the topic of Xander. She pointedly asks why Anya is marrying him, and when Anya replies matter-of-factly, "Well I love him," Hallie gives only a pointed "Hmm" in reply.

Oh, man. We're back at the Doublemeat. Buffy takes a bucket of fries out of the grease, and suddenly the grease boils violently without anything in it. How odd. And pointless. Can't forget the pointless. Buffy is relieved from her fry duties for a break. And apparently Buffy deserves a break today, as the next shot shows that she's having it her way. With Spike. Having sex. In an alley. By a dumpster. Behind the fast food restaurant. In which Buffy works. Oh, that's low. This is not going to go anywhere good. And from the look of utter emptiness on Buffy's face, she knows it, too.

Willow is lying on her bed, trying to study. I could never study lying on my stomach. It always messed up my circulation, and I'm not fond of positions that require me to support my own head. Too much work. There's a knock at the door. It's Amy. Will is uncomfortable at seeing her because, y'know, the temptation and all, but Amy is just there because she wants to pick up her old cage. For what reason, I do not know, but it makes me think that Amy is kinda twisted. Amy tries to casually mention to Willow that she's heard about the whole "cold turkey" thing. Willow says that she's doing fine and getting her focus back. Amy gives a pointed look at the book Willow was studying -- the whole page is highlighted. Willow mutters, "It's a pivotal page." Willow closes her textbook and sits up. "So this is it, huh? This is gonna be your life from now on?" goads Amy. Willow looks around frantically and protests, "No." Amy continues in her pusher persona and twists the knife, saying that Willow will never again feel the way magic made her feel. Or Rack's magic, or dark magic, or whatever in God's name we're supposed to be talking about here. Amy then crouches next to her former home and says, "Hey, Will? It's your birthday." Willow is confused, because it isn't, but as Amy leaves the room with the cage she says, "Potestas." Blue energy shoots out of Amy and into Willow, who then gets the huge, black eyes and crackling fingers of bad, addictive-type magic. Willow is shocked, and as Amy looks on appraisingly, Willow touches a vase and then a lamp, destroying them both instantly. Amy starts to smug her way out of the room, telling Willow, "It's a gift. It's magic." Uh, yeah. I think we figured that out. "And it didn't come from you. It came from me. Completely legal. Enjoy!" She saunters out, leaving Willow all black-eyed and gasping frantically. Oh, those bad, bad junkie friends who steal from you and then can't stand that you might be going straight, so they come by your house and shoot you up against your will while holding a Habitrail. I think we've all had bad, bad friends like that, haven't we?

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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