Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Empty Places

Episode Report Card
Sep: C+ | Grade It Now!
Empty Places

Meanwhile, upstairs, Faith is sitting on the counter, munching on TITS. Yeah, okay, they're chips of some kind, but what I can see of the bag says TIT. Kennedy approaches from behind her and asks if there's enough TIT to go around. Without moving a muscle, Faith's prison reflexes kick in and she says, "I'll trade you for a carton of cigarettes and some soap," before realizing that we don't have a barter economy on the outside. ["Obviously, since repeated offers on our boards to trade various left arms for some continuity have gone unheeded." -- Sars] She passes the bag to Kennedy. Millie comes up from the basement and wonders if there're going to be questions about Anya's sex life on the exam, but then the girls segue into the bitching, pissing, and moaning some more section of tonight's episode.

Buffy arrives home and calls out to see who's around. She's ambushed by Dawn, who -- JESUS, DAWN! Did you lose an eye too? There is no planet where Bubble-Yum pink is an acceptable color to pair with traffic-cone orange. Dawn immediately asks how Xander is. Buffy's reply is not, "Glad that he's less able to see you in that outfit." Instead, she tight-lips that he's almost ready to be back at home before turning her attention to the folder she brought with her. She explains that it's info from the police database. "Incidents of violence and vandalism connected to California religious institutions," reads Faith. Oh, right. If I remember correctly, Caleb's accent is distinctly central California. Possibly even the tri-county area. NOT. Dude, you schmucks deserve to get eaten. Dawn wants to talk about Xander some more, but Buffy ignores her questions and remains pointedly silent. Faith, twigging to the sitch, tells Shiny McWhiny to "go and get some of the stuff you already got from Giles." Dawn takes the hint and says, "Or we can talk about this later maybe." Buffy instructs the remaining girls to "try to find anything that looks like Caleb. His church. His ring." "His ability to render a Slayer useless in just one punch," mutters Kennedy. Buffy gives her a Look. Kennedy stumbles over her words, saying, "I didn't…that was stupid. I don't know why I said that." Well, let's see if I can break it down for you in very easy-to-follow steps. That was a stupid remark. You, Kennedy, are stupid. Therefore, you make stupid remarks. Buffy brushes off the comment and says she needs to take a little trip to the school and pick up her things.

High school. It's deserted. Buffy walks slowly down the hall past a wall of open lockers. She enters her office, possibly looking for her stapler, and spies a picture left behind on her desk. It's a picture of the three core Scoobs from Season One, back when they were happy and before the show began its painful slide into mediocrity. She begins to tear up, but Caleb's voice from off-screen breaks her reverie: "Things don't go exactly your way so here come the waterworks. Ain't that just like a woman?" Oh, look -- it's a tired, one-note villain. Ain't that jess laik a bunch of warshed-up, creatively bankrupt writers. Clichéd villain alert! Calling all Action Monkeys! Wuh? Where are they? Don't tell me I forgot to pay the Action Monkey bill! Noooooooo!

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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