Many thanks to Sep, Kitsune and the smarties on the Mediarama Buffy board.
Previously on Buffy: We see Buffy and Parker "Xander 2: Electric Bugaloo" meet, make it and break it. Buffy pines and wonders, "Did I do something wrong?" Willow tells her Parker is a poop head. Anya drops trou in front of Xander and they do the deed. A miscellaneous vampire is tasered by mysterious masked commandos.
Creepy horror movie music plays as Xander wields a large knife. The camera pulls back through what is revealed to be the eye of a jack-o'-lantern. Xander, Willow, Oz and Buffy are hangin' in Xander's basement pad. Xander says he was "going for ferocious scary, but it's coming out more dryly sardonic." Oz (I love Oz) describes the jack-o'-lantern's nose hole as "sad and full of self-loathing." Xander turns the pumpkin to Buffy, who is lying on her stomach on Xander's bed, and asks for her opinion. Buffy, obviously in a gloomy mood, plays with something in a bowl as she muses about the life of a pumpkin: "grow up in the sun, happily entwined with others, and then someone comes along and cuts you open and rips your guts out." As she says "rips your guts out," she squooshes her hand into the bowl and pulls up a big glob of pumpkin insides. The rest of the gang roll their eyes at Buffy's party-pooping, and Xander jumps up to share his scary Halloween movie -- Fantasia. Oz says, "Maybe it's because of all the horrific things we've seen, but hippos wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to." Willow smiles and Xander insists he meant to rent Phantasm. Willow says she thought they were "doing the Alpha Delt thing." Xander inquires what the Alpha Delt thing is and Buffy and Oz explain that it's a Scary House that ends in a "all-out" party. Xander pouts and insists that he's not interested in a college party, but agrees to attend almost before Willow's invitation to accompany them has left her lips. Buffy is through depressing everyone and decides to leave. Although we saw her picking pumpkin guts off of her hand earlier, I know she didn't get it all off without a paper towel, but that doesn't stop her from smearing it all over Xander's bed when she gets up. Xander, not surprisingly, doesn't notice this. Guys who live in basements tend not to be too picky. Willow notes that Buffy didn't carve her pumpkin and left it "a freak with no face." Oz states the ultra-obvious: "She's still suffering a little post-Parker depression," and Xander inquires, "Does anyone else want to smack that guy?" Willow and Oz raise their hands and I notice that Oz is wearing a studded wrist band that, despite its cheesiness, looks really hot. Ummm...right, on with the show. ["I want to smack Parker too, and not just for looking like Xander." -- Sep]
Buffy walks home in the dark, still doing -- what, kiddies? That's right -- moping. A demon jumps out in front of her (which surprises me, even though I was expecting something of the sort) and she knocks him down with a punch to the head. The demon grabs his head, pulls off his mask and yells, "What the hell's wrong with you, lady?" "That's what I'd like to know," mopes Buffy. I think he deserved it, though. I mean, if you're going to go around jumping out of the shadows to scare lone females at night, you should get what’s coming to you. Especially if it's Buffy you're trying to frighten.