Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Fear, Itself

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Fear, Itself

Establishing shot of the Alpha Dork house, with a young couple entering. The girl has some junk in her trunk, as Sir Mix-a-Lot would say, so enjoy her, because she's probably the only chubby girl you'll see on Buffy all season. (I also have it on good authority that Sep likes big butts and she cannot lie.) Inside the frat house, loud music plays as the frat brothers decorate for their party. A black guy in a Hawaiian shirt walks down the hall and is surprised by a skeleton that pops out of the wall. Enjoy him, because he's probably the only black guy you'll see on Buffy all season. He hands a bag of plastic spiders to FratJerk, who responds that the sound system is not loud enough. Hawaiian Shirt offers to call Oz, who'll hook them up, since it seems he's the only person in the Buffyverse who knows about speakers. FratJerk says he needs a good sound system so he can scare the ladies, and that it's "all about getting laid." "Is there any holiday that's not about getting laid?" asks Hawaiian Shirt, which doesn't sound good written down, but he actually delivered it like a slam to FratJerk, so go Hawaiian Shirt! He turns to leave, but remembers that FratJerk wanted a symbol to paint upstairs and shows him a circular rune in a book. FratJerk has far too prominent a forehead to be on TV.

Xander is putting on his jacket in his basement pad when he turns around and sees Anya coming down the stairs. Xander makes a snide comment about Anya's lack of a knock, but I'll bet she did knock. Most likely on the front door. Xander, your domicile is subterranean. It's not like you have a private entrance. Xander inquires why Anya is there, and she says she came because he hasn't called her once. He replies, quite rightly, that she had said she was over him. "I only said that because I thought that's what you wanted to hear," snaps Anya. Xander explains that he took her at face value, and she replies, "That's stupid." Which he also takes at face value. I'm glad he did, since I wasn't in the mood for a one-sided argument with my TV. They approach each other with definite sexual tension, but Anya deflates the moment by saying she thought they could go out for their anniversary. "Anniversary?" asks Xander, and deflates even further when Anya replies (with a coy grin), "It's been one week since we copulated." Geez, maybe Anya should buy some teen magazines and learn the lingo. Xander explains that he already has plans with Buffy, Oz, and Willow. Anya doesn't understand why Xander continues to hang with the gang, because he doesn't have anything in common with them. The topic obviously makes Xander uncomfortable, but he rallies by saying that Anya can come with him to the party. "Like a date?" asks Anya, and Xander admits there are date-like qualities. He tells her she'll need a scary costume and that as a centuries-old demon she should be able to come up with something.

Buffy gingerly enters the Psych classroom. Riley the Potato Nose is shuffling papers in the background. Buffy asks Professor Walsh for today's assignments because she couldn't come to class for personal reasons. Dr. Walsh ain't buying what Buffy's selling and tells Buffy if she misses one more class, she's out. UC Sunnydale is a state school and that Psych class is pretty large, so I doubt that Dr. Walsh would have the time or resources to boot every student who missed one lecture. But we get it -- she's a harsh taskmaster. I'm not sure exactly where Buffy was moping in lieu of attending class, but unfortunately it appears that she didn't go back to her dorm and change her hiddy shirt. Riley tells Buffy that Dr. Walsh is serious and notes that Buffy's work has taken a downturn lately. Riley "dimly" recalls being a freshman as he sticks his big tuber nose into Buffy's business, wondering if she's having "too much" or "not enough" fun. "Dimly" is probably the only way Riley is capable of recalling anything; too bad he can't get that huge potato nose to light up, because it would greatly illuminate things for him. Buffy and Riley proceed to have a chemistry-free discussion in which he encourages her to buckle down, tells her she should go out for Halloween, and then says he's staying in to grade papers. Mixed messages much, Potato Nose? Yawn. He should wash his hair, but I guess grad students are too busy for personal hygiene. ["If I looked into the mirror every morning and saw a nose like Riley's I wouldn't be able to see past it to my hair. Literally." -- Sep]

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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