Buffy the Vampire Slayer
First Date

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More like "last date"

Buffy, Xander, and Spike wander through the door with Xander's ripped shirt covering the lower third of his torso, causing my bile to rise anew. You mean he had a knife wound to the gut and they didn't even take him to the hospital? All they would have had to do would be to insert a throwaway line, or even just have Xander sport a bandage under his jacket. That's it! One line and a prop change and I wouldn't be left feeling like Buffy is the biggest, most self-centered cretin on the planet. Xander's frustrated response to Willow's "what happened?" is that he's "going gay" because of his terrible dating luck. "Willow!" he commands. "Gay me up. C'mon. Let's gay." Willow is confused. Xander is just looking for some tips and tricks. "I'm mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That's a start, isn't it?" Andrew sighs dreamily. "What if you just start attracting male demons?" teases Buffy. "Clem always liked you," chuckles Dawn. And then the spirit of The First Asshole possesses Giles and he yells, "No, enough!" Everyone looks surprised. "Have you learned nothing from tonight's assorted chaos? There isn't time for fun and games and quips about orientation," Giles lectures. He picks up his flashcards and gestures at them. "These aren't a joke," he admonishes. "This happens! Girls are going to die. We may die. It's time to get serious." He throws his flashcards down and stomps off in a British snit. Giles and I are now so close to being over that I have a box next to the trash full of ripped-up photos of the two of us together, the old sweatshirt he left at my house, and all the gifts he's ever given me. If he's not back to his usual self the next time we see him, the box is going in the trash and I'm hitting the bottle hard, with Patsy Cline as my drinking partner.

Later, the house is darkened and Buffy sits alone on the couch, a pensive expression on her face. Spike goes to sit next to her. Spike fills Buffy in on what The First said about him to Andrew. He turns to Buffy and says, "I should move out. Leave town. Before it is time for me." Buffy disagrees. Spike, referring to Wood, tells Buffy that she's got another demon fighter in the gang now. But that's not why Buffy wants Spike to stick around. It's more that she's "not ready for [Spike] to not be here." But I am. What about my needs? Have I not suffered? Oh, and Buffy? You are a selfish. Little. Bitch. How many lives are you putting at risk because of your infatuation and your need to keep Spike slavering at your heels? Spike gives Buffy a long look and asks how Principal Wood fits into Buffy's little "needing Spike" scenario. She just stares at him and then makes a face.

Wood finishes brushing his teeth. As he stares at himself in the mirror, an attractive woman with an afro appears behind him. She greets him, and he coldly replies, "You're not my mother." First Nikki chides him, "Did I raise you that way?" and Wood reminds it, "You didn't raise me at all." He then walks right through the apparition, heading out of the bathroom. In the doorway, he turns and assesses what he sees. "So you're The First. Why are you here? Why now?" First Nikki smiles and says she's proud of her son -- he's coming up in the world. Wood isn't fooled into believing that this is his mother and tells The First, "I have no use for you." He walks away dismissively, and The First calls after him, "Would you like to know who killed me?" Wood is suddenly drawn in, and his eyes widen as The First tells him he knows his mother's killer and has fought next to him. "Spike," breathes Wood. He then thanks the First for the intel. Hmm. I sure hope this is a sign that things will actually start happening on this show.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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